picture in my mind

this is very cool interesting stuff --

also, I love how my wide reading habits allow me to match content

that overlaps over authors, genres, and fields;

it leads to gasps of recognition and more adept resonance with truths.

(insya Allah!)

I've only learnt to truly feel my feelings and immerse myself in them fairly recently; 

it is truly a skill to allow oneself to feel, and then subsequently to act accordingly.

What we often do instead is rationalise, deny, and suppress,

to fit into the surroundings or expectations we think we should conform to.

It's okay to feel angry,

but not okay to retaliate out of anger.

When it comes to anger, I am often reminded of a story (this is totally a rephrase from my memory, therefore a gist, and not a hadith word-for-word recall FYI!): Sayidina Ali r.a. was about to behead someone on the battlefield who had spat at him out of rudeness -- then Sayidina Ali r.a. paused, and changed his mind. This of course bewildered the man in question, who asked, "Why do you not kill me?" And Sayidina Ali r.a. replied, "If I had killed you, I would have done it for me instead of God."

Right action is choice! Not suppression per se. And the thing about anger is that of course it is a cover for hurt (as the girl in this video rightly mentioned). So feel the anger, feel the hurt, the grief; sit with it and feel it. (Bawl your eyes out if you have to, like I did.) Then decide your course of action. I think it is very, very real and true, that when your hurt is not acknowledged, it comes out, in Brene Brown's words, as shit (pardon my language) that you work out on other people. It is very, very difficult to take the higher road; hurt is valid. Humans feel pain; we are only human. But it is incredibly important that pain is processed and acknowledged -- otherwise it transmutes into something else, guys. In the extreme, something possibly dangerous like psychopathic mass murderers and terrorist acts (sorry for being dramatic hehe, but this is not untrue).

I've been learning that the ability to process pain and emotions as a whole, is so important and incredibly underestimated as a skill. Emotional intelligence is as essential in life, if not more so, than general intelligence. (In fact, it might be a fallacy to think that intelligence can be broken down this way. I feel like actually the most intelligent people in the world, are also the most emotionally sensitive and adept.)

God, allow me to grow and overcome these spiritual struggles.

Give me the strength to believe in the rainbow after the storm.

An aside:

I'm realising that the moment I feel like

yes, I think I've got a grip!

God sends along the next test.

Haha.

Ya Allah, be kind to me.

I have too much to learn.