eating problems for breakfast

If you fail to confront, you will lose.
If you confront poorly, you will also lose.
So, you must confront, but confront well.

That means that the truth-telling side of your character
must be integrated with the loving and caring side of your character.
When you show up to deal with a problem,
you must bring both of them together.
Confront the problem, but in a way that
preserves the relationship and the person.

...

"I try to go hard on the issue and soft on the person."
That means that both his truth-telling
and his care for the connection came together at once.
Here you can see the importance of integration,
as this one concept brings together three of our character components at once:
connection, orientation toward truth, and embracing and resolving negatives.
That is why integrity is always about integration as much as it is about honesty.
Honesty without love is not integrity.

But this requires a character that has neutralized the truth.
If he or she is still running around with a lot of anger inside
that has never been integrated and metabolized,
then confrontation is going to be toxic, "beating people up."
Love and healing must first have taken place inside people's souls,
or they might be in danger of treating others not in the way
they themselves want to be treated, but in the way
that they have been treated. They repeat the abuse
that they have been subject to in their own experience.

~ Integrity: The Courage To Meet The Demands Of Reality, by. Dr Henry Cloud