picture in my mind

There is no influence so powerful as that of the mother.
-- Sarah Josepha Hale, The Ladies' Magazine and Literary Gazette, 1829;
from It Didn't Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are And How To End The Cycle, by Mark Wolynn



My intuition told me early on, as much as I hate to admit it, that I needed to mend my relationship with my mum; that it was the source of a lot of my lived-out agonies and negative experiences. For a long time, stretching from childhood, I had unconsciously or subconsciously grown to judge and resent her so greatly. And it is only now that, as a full-grown adult, I'm trying to understand fully why this happened; why I'm like this; and what happened that made me this way.

The fortunate thing about me is that I consume information like it's water, haha. I read material like there's no end nor am I looking for an end (I could sit in the library all day and never be bored, and repeat this for days). So now, as my intuition could have told me -- all these books and information are telling me too. I need to let go of past hurts from early childhood in order to heal. And haiyoh, even the Prophet s.a.w. told us this, S.

But it's the pain that you felt got inflicted on you as a child that needed acknowledgement too.
I allowed myself this, and hopefully, it's led me to tread the path of healing.


Healing Sentences When We Have Rejected A Parent

1. I'm so sorry for how distant I've been.
2. Mom, you're a really good mother.
3. I've been really judgmental. It's prevented me from being close to you.
4. I'll stop expecting that your love should look a certain way.
5. I'll take in your love as you give it -- not as I expect it

-- It Didn't Start With You, by Mark Wolynn

In relation, even in my work, I've come to recognise how much emotional well-being is neglected in our children in general, and we think it matters less than their outward needs and achievements. Half the time, the issues I encounter with the kids, can be resolved if only they were given the right amount of emotional attention and support as they grow and learn (i.e. the mother! absent mothers come in many, many forms; fathers too, but the father's impact is different).

For God's sake, human beings, can we just love each other. Have children and love them. When children grow up knowing how to love and be loved, doesn't matter what else happens in their lives, they'll be okay, I tell you.