picture in my mind

I should update about some real-life happenings --

like the fact that my sister got married this past weekend!

Things flew by like a blur; it went well, we were all exhausted,

and now I have the room to myself at home. :P

People like to say how, ohmygosh, you're the only one left!

I say, meh.

What's new.

I tell you, I am getting so good at this. I think I'm finally crossing the threshold. I'm starting to really not care. (I have crossed this threshold before in my life, for various other things. This is familiar.) People do that -- subtly express horror or pity or gloss over and avoid (their eyes get dart-y or crinkle sheepishly) -- or they pray for me (which is great, thank you all you lovely, hopefully-well-meaning humans). It's like having a debilitating disease. It's a rare person who looks at other humans as full humans, even at first encounter. Once you fall outside the norm, in the words of Brene Brown, you are acquainted with the wilderness. Initially, it's terrifying; it's not safe, it's scary. But after a while, and repeated exposure, you realise, what the heck. Let's explore this wilderness. What's so scary about this place just because everyone else isn't here? If I'm supposed to be out here, then damn well, I'm gonna be good at being out here. I've wasted too much time in my younger days being afraid anyway.

J and I have often talked about how if we were to live out our teen years again back in school, we'd live it out differently. But that's the essence of youth, isn't it? You often look back and feel like it's wasted in some way or other. Knowing what you do now, you wish you'd done better, or different. Braver. More curious. Learn the really necessary things in life. We've made peace with who our parents were or are, but if you know yourself now that you've grown, you probably learnt what you sorely needed as a child but did not receive.

Anyway!

I am happy. I hope my sister lives a good married life. Marriage is hard work, as it becomes increasingly apparent with age. My close friends and I are all mature enough to see beyond the frills of social convention and acceptance to the reality of lived relationships and what it takes. We talk about things differently now. I always feel that no matter what place you are, who you're with, and what you do -- crap will happen. Life will always be hard, always; we just differ in our relative struggles. What you need is simply the thing that makes all that struggle worth it. (God and all that comes in the hereafter, but in addition--) You hope and pray the person you're with serves as your joy and not your challenge; the work you do a reward rather than a pain; and the place you are plentiful and abundant rather than sparing. Amin.

a few other photos I meant to share from eons back;

thank you for lovely friends! who gave me BT21 cutesies for my birthday.