picture in my mind

omgosh this is so good.

For more than half my life, I've always liked anything that helped me understand the self better -- hence all the MBTI and personality types etc etc that has littered my personal readings and obsessions. I used to see it as a way of categorising and understanding people, and there is much utility in that; it helps me get why certain people I know react in certain ways or are sticklers for certain things.

But now, especially since last year I think, and as I've endeavoured to cultivate a growth mindset: I've come to appreciate that understanding your personal inclinations basically means that you then have to consciously cultivate other areas that may be your blindspots, so that you become a more holistic and considerate person.

So, as a dominant introverted feeling person for instance, I have to consciously take into consideration, other peoples's values when I make my decisions, understanding that while I may prioritise my personal beliefs, doing so may trample on my tribe's values and beliefs -- and I have to consider how to reconcile this tension (or otherwise remain an apparent alien and constant instigator). And as an extroverted intuitive who gathers patterns from my surroundings, I have to be extra conscious and observant of the real facts before I spot my patterns! I am extremely conscious and aware of this now. I am very prone to making leaps in my pattern-spotting; but now, I'm more afraid that I may have created patterns from limited data. I have to exercise my weak Se skills and consciously practice more conscientious data-gathering.

This guy summarises it pretty well: it's not that your personality means that you can't use all those other functions that are not you. Everyone is capable of functioning in every way and manner. Your job in achieving your potential is to develop your other weak functions. As an example, he says that truly successful people (regardless of their type) would exhibit all four deciding functions:

Fi: they pursue an internal belief or idea passionately

Fe: they've got other people to believe in it too

Ti: they know their own stuff inside and out

Te: they ensure it works for other people or is understood by other people too

As an Fi (INFP), I often spout my personal beliefs and passions without caring what other people think. But I have to empathise and share this beyond myself to make an impact (my weak and missing Fe); I feel like if there's a place that I do this, it's at work at least. (: Sadly, not so much my personal life yet. I have strong Ti friends (hehe, E especially) who are so strongly Ti that they are always in danger of becoming obscure to others because they often don't bother to pander to others' apparent lack of understanding in their area of interest. People who write crazily condense or obscure material or have an impatience with incompetence, tend to be strongly Ti people, I think. (This guy who makes this video is an INTJ and I can tell, can't you? He is going on rapidly and is sometimes hard to follow, despite the fact that he's trying to help people understand this whole intricate personality system.)

This is so interesting. Alhamdulillah! To cultivating a more integrated self.

I look back on my self (even just months back) and I feel regret about the way I react or interact;

but I've learnt that having regret is not necessarily a bad thing. (No regrets! is a common phrase eh.)

Because as Brene Brown said,
having regrets means that you're learning. 
You regret that your past self didn't know what you do now.

---

in relation...

The Prophet, Rasulullah s.a.w. said:

Keep God in mind wherever you are; 

follow a wrong with a right that offsets it; 

and treat people courteously. (At-Tirmidhi)

Love for humanity what you love for yourself. (Ibn Majah)

~ The Content of Character: Ethical Sayings of the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

(which is awesommmmmmme),

Translation and Introduction by Hamza Yusuf,

Collected by Shaykh Al-Amin Ali Mazrui