picture in my mind

I read an illustrated guide of Soren Kierkegaard -- it was both comforting and depressing, haha. Comforting because, thank goodness, these existential questions are so human, and the greatest minds are plagued by them. But also depressing, because how sad is his life, ohmygodddd. And the more I identified with him, the more depressed I felt. Apparently, he was nicknamed the Eeyore of Philosophy.

It wasn't that his life situation was sad -- it was more that he failed to reconcile his thoughts with the state of the world, and it brought such misery to him. (What do they say, unhappiness is when your expectations and your reality are out of sync?) And because he was trying to sort out and figure out the best way to live life, grappling with philosophical decisions, he appeared to the outside world to squander his chances at a "normal" life.

He was concerned with what it meant to be a true Christian, or essentially a true human being i.e. what does it mean to be one self? He kept railing at larger society for being Philistines or part of The Crowd, who have avoided all self-conscious reflections about the sort of life they lead, and so content to be absorbed into the everyday world of marriage, career and respectability.

"Such people may often become very successful citizens -- but for me, they aren't mature individuals." They are contented members of the "public" but lack any real personal freedom, because they have allowed others to decide how they should live.

And this, ohmygosh -- what does it mean to be an authentic woman -- resonated with me.

Being a Muslim, I like to think that Kierkegaard, as with Confucius,

would have found greater solace in Islamic philosophy, which does grapple with all this.

From what I understand, Islam recognizes these states in people -- we have our Kierkegaard-types who contemplate Islamic concepts to mind-boggling degrees, and we also have our old-wives-type, content with following Islamic rituals carefully and busy with the living of every day life in accordance to stated laws. Both of these groups, if I recall correctly, were approved by the Prophet s.a.w.. And maybe that's it, eh? It's not about one trumping the other, is it?

As I asked my dad once when I was much younger, why then don't we all live as ascetics because they are so well-praised and strivers for spirituality? He then had me understand that, there is not one ideal, there are many.

Still, Kierkegaard was right though: for you to be free, you still have to choose; you still have to find your specific ideal. And there lies the struggle, I feel. Oh, the wonder and pain of life. 💟