Blogging list-like so that my thoughts aren't so messy:
- I realise I have been worrying my friends about my previous drama with inpatient training. I am sorry for being drama! It may be the reason J bought me pastry for free, accompanied me for haircuts, and the very reason E finally called down for a meet-up after so long. There is an innate melodramatic instinct in me -- I don't know if I should blame the Indian part of my heritage, haha. But actually, yes, the problem is not as bad it sounds and I am not dying. And besides, inpatient training has been put-on-hold, so life is not so crazy for now.
- That I have a few best friends. I tend to say E is my best friend because our rapport is crazy (see comic below for explanation), and just yesterday alone, we sat in the same restaurant for 3.5 hours just chatting. But then I spend a whole lot of time with J nowadays and it's cause I realise we have the same... needs, for lack of better word. Like we panic over the same things, and she totally gets why I panic about the things I panic about. And then there's S, with whom discussions of the theological sort are just super-amazing, and our thoughts on the way the world should be are super-congruent.
- It leads me to that one time the Linear Algebra group had a discussion on this topic of best friends, and I was appalled at the idea of two best friends having a falling out with one another because one of them had been neglectful of the other, and not included the best friend in all of her outings/decisions/new friendship groups. I didn't know that to some people, a best friend was an actual label, like a boyfriend. And you had exclusivity rights! like your boyfriend/significant other would. That would make me a cheating best friend! D: Because I guiltily enjoy all my best friends. Can't we have a polygamous relationship with friends, please. I love you all. (And omg, I'm starting to wonder if this is what polygamous men say to their wives! OMG -- no, no, no, romantic relationships are different from friendships (and not just cause of the sexual intimacy bit) and the arguments are not all necessarily parallel.)
- My brother is getting married before me; not-so-soon, but soon-enough, and for a while, it became this other thing that underscored how not-normal I felt I was. So I had a bit of soul-searching for a while to regain mental and emotional stability -- and I realised after a while, that this has happened repeatedly in my life. Not the fact that my brother was getting married, but the fact that I would always fall short of some conventional expectation or other (and maybe everyone does, eh) -- and that the best times of my life have always been when I came to realise that I liked me for who I am, that I accepted me for who I am, that I am different and it's okay (or even wonderful!). It's not easy to explain how this happens... but I think it's got something to do about seeing the beauty of your own situation and not missing it for someone else's fairytale.
- Despite the nightmare that inpatient work was, I still actually enjoy this profession. Just because it puts me in a position to work on stuff that are supremely interesting to me (i.e. language and communication, its intricacies, its impact on life, the brain) and I actually am able to do stuff to help people. I've been thinking how annoying it is to have these boundaries of our profession -- like this is what a speech therapist does, that is what a teacher does, that's what a doctor does, that's a counselor's job, we're therapists -- not academics. All I want to do is help people and do what I'm passionate about. Stop labeling me! It's suffocating.
And now that I've finally lost steam, here's the INFP-INTP comic (from oddlydevelopedtypes.com, which is hilarious and fun) that I think depicts my dynamic with E:
4 comments:
"Seeing the beauty of your own situation and not missing it for someone else's fairytale". That's BRILLIANT Shams and how true!
Hahahaha I asked for a meet-up mainly because: 1) it really had been eons since we'd last met; 2) it's really hard to coordinate 4 people's schedules as opposed to 2; 3) I guessed there was a good chance we'd have Hei Sushi and I needed a spicy tuna fix; 4) I figured you'd be used to almost dying from work enough that you'd be able to go out.
I've often wished some variant of those first 3 comic panels would happen in real life...
spicy tuna fix is always a good reason! :P
and yes, I wish the first 3 comic panels would happen more in real life too! -- bumping into someone whose book makes me want to talk to him/her.
I have always promised myself that if I ever see someone read Lymond, I would pounce on them! ahahah, metaphorically, of course.
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