I was thinking tonight.

That what I should fear most is realising, down the road in life or in the afterlife, that God had given me so many options and signposts, but I didn't take them. Please, My Lord, show me the way and help me have the courage to walk the way.

Cause sometimes, I feel so hesitant -- like I have to be 110% sure of something before I do it. Like I usually ask myself uncountable times -- Does it feel right? Does it feel right? Does it feel right? Before with trembling hands, I venture to take the first step.

I've discovered the awesomeness that was Dr Martin Lings.

An excerpt from his autobiography:

“Development” means moving away from the principles, and although it is necessary to move a certain distance from the principles in order to make applications of them, it is of vital importance to remain near enough for contact with them to be fully effective. Development must therefore never go beyond a certain point. Our ancestors were acutely conscious that this danger point had been reached in Islam hundreds of years ago; and for us, who are so much further removed in time than they were from the ideal community of the Prophet and his companions, the danger is all the greater. How then shall we presume not to be on our guard? How shall we presume not to live in fear of increasing our distance from the principles to the point where development becomes degeneration? And indeed it may well be asked as regards most of what is proudly spoken of today as development: Is it not in fact degeneration?


Also, his book on the sirah of the Prophet s.a.w. is just amazing to read. And it is available online! This is where I wish I had a LINE sticker to express how speechless and happy I am, because I have no words.




You know how you finally stumble on some crazy significant things, and you think -- what, where have you been all my life before? Why did I take so long.

After seeing a gazillion tumblr posts on it, I finally decided to watch A Very Potter Musical -- and it's such a riot! If you hadn't heard, it's a staged fan-made parody of Harry Potter that was first produced back in 2009 and then later spawned two more sequels that finished last year.

It's a parody, so of course, the plot and characters are made whacky -- for instance, Draco Malfoy rolls and slithers all over the ground every time he tries to make an entrance (I'm wondering if it's an attempt to be cool or like Cleopatra or something???). It's ridiculously funny! Voldemort has relationship issues and loves to dance. Harry compares his life to Spiderman's and explains to Ginny why they can't be together. Snape explains to the class that a portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object, like a football or a dolphin.

Haha, the insane lines, and the fandom fodder.

Ya Allah, to You I complain of my weakness,
my lack of resources and my lowliness before men.
Oh, Most Merciful of those who show mercy!
You are the Lord of the weak and You are my Lord.
To whom will you relinquish my fate?
To one who will misuse me?
Or to an enemy to whom You have given power over me?
If You are not angry with me, I don't care what happens to me.
Your favour is all that counts for me.
I take refuge in the light of Your countenance,
by which all darkness is illuminated.
And the things of this world and the next are rightly ordered.
I wish to please You until You are pleased.
There is no power and no might, 
save in You.

- Rasulullah s.a.w.



How much I love this.

there is no better exercise for the heart than lifting others

Back from Medan!

The work was great; didn't feel so much like work, although it was exhausting in its way. We conducted a 3-day workshop for special needs teachers. I lectured my parts entirely in Bahasa Indonesia and translated for my colleagues half the time. By the end of the third day, I sounded so much like an Indonesian, the locals started thinking I was one of them. (Hooray -- I am so not-so-secretly proud of my language skills, hehe.) Thinking about it now, actually, I would be mortified if I had to lecture anything entirely in Malay in Singapore. But when you're forced into a situation, you kinda just do it, you know.

A group picture at the end of the workshop:

I could keep doing things like this, I could. And it makes me think about my obligations here in SG -- I've been meaning to do things but I haven't gathered the guts to finally put my mind to it. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. If I keep saying it like a mantra, haha, maybe it'll help, insya Allah.

I keep wishing I'd have people to do things with. It's much easier, always, to do things together, in big groups or even in small ones. It takes the load off; the work, the accountability, the pressure. But then, while in Medan, and meeting these generous, big-hearted people -- I'd learnt something: though in the long run big projects are sustained through the efforts of many, it is usually a single person who had the guts to start. God, make me brave.




On a rather separate note, I have been re-watching bits of Downton Abbey, and fangirling over Dame Maggie Smith. She is crazy, adorable, hilarious and secretly smarter than all the rest of us put together.

Leaving for Medan tomorrow to do volunteer speech therapy -- and I get volunteer leave. Occasionally, it appears the hospital system has some awesome in it.


Alhamdulillah! Thank You for allowing me to do work that I feel I'd do anyway, for free. (:

It feels kinda nice that I come back to the same quotes and words over the years. It's like meeting an old friend or something -- like hey, I remember you. And thank you for the comfort you bring.



People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centred.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.



This has commonly been attributed to Mother Teresa, but I have learnt that yes, it was written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta; but it likely wasn't penned entirely by her.

Regardless. (:

Why is there ikhtilaf, disagreement, conflict?

I understand it's so that we may be tolerant of one another. And higher than that, to be appreciative of those that make life tough for us.

When nothing seems to help, I go look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before. 

Jacob Riis

vmars

I am so totally looking forward to the movie!

Veronica is by far the smartest and coolest girl on American TV, ever. 

Challenge me on this, anyone.

And then her saga with Logan, oh man.

Why, Logan, why. 

Why do you disappoint our awesome girl.

I don't know which scene best represents this pairing (I was considering the moment when Logan describes how they were epic -- except of course, he totally screws it up again the next morning) -- but then I realise this song -- Sway, by the Perishers -- 

will always remain a LoVe song for me:

God, make me bigger than myself

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love this!

I've been thinking how it's so easy to get lost in the daily grind of things as a working adult, chasing after typical adult achievements and milestones. It's so nice to be reminded that there are amazing people who break the norm and work for great things.

---

We all have this need to justify our existence, and if no one else valued my life, then of what value was it? If it had no value, why live at all?

A Muslim does not view his or her surrender to God as a defeat or a humiliation; he or she sees it as the only way to real freedom and becoming a human being in the full sense of the word. Thus, for the Muslim, Islam is more than a religion. It is a system of guidance: inward toward his true self and outward toward his fellow creatures, with his return to his Lord as his ultimate goal. At least seventeen times a day in the course of the five daily prayers the Muslim asks God to “show us the straight path”—the middle way which leads to inner peace. If it is found, then a passage is unveiled to a powerful, beautiful, and serene felicity in this life and to an infinitely greater one in the next. Man’s life is a struggle and a search for a wonderful, sublime, and most sweet surrender, and fortunate are those who attain that, for every human personality, whether it realizes it or not, yearns for submission—that is, Islam.

-- Struggling to Surrender, by Dr. Jeffrey Lang 

(it's a wonderfully free e-book that can be found here!)

A book I had noted somewhere to look up, and I finally happily did: 

about a man chronicling his journey to God.

When I am silent, 
I have thunder hidden inside.

-- Rumi



Why does it feel like every new week brings new challenges that crush my heart?

A father's letter to his Down's Syndrome child

This was so beautiful. Made me cry a river.

I too have heard from parents themselves, 

how they realise having a special child has been such a blessing.

Trust in Allah.

Trust in Rasulullah s.a.w..

When something seemingly undesirable happens in life,

realise that it too, comes from above.

So, Alhamdulillah.

Insya Allah, you'll see the blessings some day.

I was digging up that epic, blog exchange from a few years back, between Charles Wanke and Rosemary Urquico (Don't Date A Girl Who Reads, vs. Date A Girl Who Reads), and I found this instead:

(which trumps either because it's poetry!)

Your rainbow is shaded violet.

What is says about you: You are a creative person. You appreciate beauty and craftsmanship. You are patient and will keep trying to understand something until you've mastered it.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

Insya Allah, I am patient.



Had a nice dinner with friends tonight; a lovely end to a rather difficult week, not that the bedbug boy had anything to do with it, haha.