Had a horrid dream last night, where the results of the SLP application were released via letters, and I kept bumping into people who exclaimed, "I got it!" and that Raihan (I don't know how she ended up in my dream even though she is not even remotely associated with this, ahak.) got in too and was being so insanely happy in front of me and there I was growing more horrified by the second, because where was my letter??? Then I rushed around and saw Syamim (again, I don't know why, haha!) who was about to be insanely happy too for being able to get a place except she saw me and was trying to contain herself and not upset me -- but of course, that made me even more inordinately upset. Worse, I realised they'd already given away 19 places. And then, I just remember feeling the fear and crushing disappointment creep in at the edges of my mind.
Next thing I knew, I was sitting in front of an old block of a computer, in an extremely packed and suffocating office, directing some blur blob Chinese dude who had asked to talk to a professor. And I gave him a -___- face and said flatly while pointing very rudely, "Professors are there and there." He shuffled off and I looked around the office which seemed like a never-ending array of tables with computers and stacks of documents. My brain was becoming a flatline, my face was set perpetually in a zonked expression -___-, and the last thing I remember is seeing the word QSAR in big bold print on the side of a file.
Nightmare. :s
This just proves how much I want this SLP thingy and I am feeling the fear creep in. Oh dang it, why must we want things. It makes for heartbreak, I tell you. But I suppose in this, as in everything else, I must trust God.
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Feel so exhausted; who knew helping out with kuih-making could be this draining? Kak Waty is a one-woman company and I'm her flailing assistant. I feel like I've been steamrollered at the end of every day -- seriously, the body aches. I feel like if there was a pillow by the roadside, I could easily lay down my head and sleep immediately, ahahah.
After iftar tonight, I read this out to my dad to annoy him:
The Prophet said that woman prevails exceedingly over the wise and intelligent, while, on the other hand, ignorant men prevail over women for in them the fierceness of the animal is imprisoned.
~ Rumi: Mathnawi
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