SAD. :(

Because:

* Japan just lost to Paraguay. The last Asian team standing, gone. Poor Komano; he was sobbing the worst, understandably, seeing as how he was the one who missed the penalty.

* I lost my relief teaching job because Irsyad apparently found a permanent teacher already. I am half-wondering if they just took another teacher because I wasn't up to standard or stg. (must dispel such discouraging negative thoughts!) This also means that I don't have any income still and therefore have to keep postponing friend meet-ups for fear of bankruptcy.

* Went to the graduate office to submit transcript, saw other applicants and felt discouraged at the seemingly tough competition for the MSc SLP course.

* ... :( what do I do.

I am remembering an episode of Legend of the Seeker (which has sadly been canceled) called Torn, in which Kahlan got split into two: one half had all her heart and the other half had all her head. Meaning that the former was all emotional and all "Richard, let's just forget the quest and be together and have babies!" (I swear, it was hysterically funny. XD) and the latter was completely logical; Kahlan became absolutely ruthless and was all "Richard, you know we can't be together so I shall marry this random person instead." It really made a very, very entertaining episode, but it was also surprisingly thought-provoking to me. Because isn't it hard, this balance? I think I've lost track the number of times I wish I could be all head. But that would mean not being human, I guess, because what makes the human if not the heart?

Haiyah, I will wake up tomorrow, get out of this vicious cycle of sadness and be genki!

Gonna be doing a brief relief teaching stint at Irsyad the next two weeks; so have to turn in earlier tonight if I don't want to get through tomorrow as a zombie teacher.

Been meaning to say how I've been having trouble posting stuff here again (another one of my I-can't-write-on-my-blog phases); because I realise how much I eat my own words. You know what I mean? How you may write and believe in something at a moment in time, only to realise later, how wrong you were? And then I become consequently mortified at my old/past self. That's why they say that one should always endeavour to use gentle and soft words, because you never know when you have to swallow them yourself.

Like my term paper back in 2007 -- I wrote something very pro-globalization for Nerney's writing class and babbled on about the inevitability of a flat, one-culture world. And scored a wonderful A+ for it, believe it or not. So of course I felt happy and so right about my own opinion. Then later, I started reading more and finding out more. And then... became more and more horrified! Because, what on earth was I talking about in my paper??? I don't agree with my old self anymore! It's quite horrifying. I look back and think how my points are superficial and narrow-minded and so naive.

But then, I suppose, this just means that I'm growing. And that it's a good thing. If I can look back on my old self and think I'm stupid, then that means I'm less stupid now? :P I hope so. And maybe, it's a natural thing to slowly evolve from young + stupid + passionate to older + wiser + compassionate. I shall strive to that, amin.

I was walking home, listening to this awesome song, and thinking how Peterpan is so talented (I really like this song!), only to get home and be greeted by news of Ariel's sex scandal. :( It made me sad.

But then, despite this, I think he's still an okay dude; because apparently I hear that his laptop got stolen? And that's how the videos got spread around. And the girls were technically his girlfriends. Then he finally turned himself in to the police, although I'm not sure what he's supposed to be charged with here. Negligence...? O.o Or is this supposed to go under some shariah law I don't know about, functioning in Indonesia? Haha.

I've always thought of Ariel kindly because my sister claims he is Yamapi-esque in appearance (XD haha!); but also because I thought it was amazing how he didn't press any charges or seem to make a fuss at all, when Bollywood totally ripped off one of his songs (i.e. Tak Bisakah)! And that song became a hit in India, okay. Sung by the Indian Idol on Asian Idol some more, I recall. He only got upset when another one of his songs got stolen again!

Tak Bisakah by Peterpan



Kya Mujhe Pyaar Hai



The first time I heard this Hindi version, I went: @.@ Am I hearing this right?????

So, whatever it is, anyway, I don't think he's that bad of a dude. He may be agama-less, granted; but at least it doesn't appear like he was cheating on his girlfriend or maliciously spreading the vids for revenge or stg. :\ It's just slightly disappointing that the wonderful talent couldn't come with a flawless moral record as well. Haha, too much to ask, maybe.

This is possibly my most favourite part of any of Shaykh Hamza's lectures (I've quoted part of it in a previous entry); and that's saying something considering how I think he's the most talented orator I know of, and every other thing he says sounds amazing anyway. Just within this 10-minute clip, I can laugh, I can cry and I realise my prayer had been answered. If you don't ever listen to anything else, at least listen to this.



"Human beings are created in a state of anxiety. When any harm afflicts them, they panic. And when good comes to them, they withhold. Except the people of prayer."

"The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along."

~ Rumi

<3 so beautiful.

I was getting horribly irritated by british airways and zuji for making the simple task of refunding me my plane fare into a complicated one. BA tells me to go to Zuji, Zuji tells me to go to BA (baka, seriously!), BA tells me Zuji has to handle everything so I call up Zuji, and then Zuji says, "Oh, give me some time, I need to look into your case, I'll call you in 10 - 15 minutes." And of course, it has been waaaay more than 15 minutes, and no call. >:-\ And bloody hell, if I were a rich person whose parents wouldn't bug her for not having a backbone to demand her money back, I would totally not bother about this, because this kind of stupid crap makes my blood go upstairs, and I just can't be bothered about fussing around for a bit of money, however rightfully they belong to me. It is not about backbone issues, okay.

Also, the fact that every single call made to big companies like BA and Zuji gets outsourced to Delhi (or somewhere else in India) grates my nerves. I'm sorry, not only is what they're saying difficult to make out due to the thick Indian accent that convolutes the sounds of their words -- but isn't it stupid that every time I have a simple question or simple issue to address, I am talking to someone hundreds of kilometres away from me in some place far away, when I'm sure the local office should be able to answer it quicker, or better? Maybe this is unreasonable of me -- but what's so difficult for someone at the local Singaporean office to address me?!?!?!?! eeeeyyyaar. >:-/ so irritating, I can't think straight. I really don't want to start blowing up at these random Indian telephone operators -- must stay calm, and breathe.

One thing for sure though: never again, British Airways. Not if I can help it.

Randomness tonight -- I want a chibi Pi. D: I want a chibi Pi badly! waaah. (Okay, it is 2 am; excuse my zaniness.) Just realised today how much I miss NEWS and of course Yamapi. I am filled with fangirling nostalgia.

I feel ridiculous.

Haiyah, I just miss these two so, so much. :(



My sister: "I don't like Yamapi because he doesn't smile anymore." :( why, yamaki, why!

Back from Caledonia (a.k.a. Scotland, ahak)! :D I had one of the most memorable times of my life. Happy, happy, happy. Beautiful things. Beautiful animals. Spotted a pair of puffins, which I think now, is an absolute miracle -- that two-second span when I saw the pretty orange beaks and barely made a squeak before the two pretty things fluttered away from the surface of the water. Also cute little rabbits on the hillside. White lambs, and brown lambs. And Eunice gushing over the pretty dogs. And the spectacular coastal and lake views that always made our jaws drop -- the two of us would gape and look at each other and then burst out laughing; because seriously, how can the world be this gorgeous. Masha Allah. And strangely enough, I gained more peace. Riding in the Rabbies van, feasting on the beauties of the highlands -- peace. :)

And then got home to my family, (to my beloved mummy, and my aunts, and my sister, carrying Insyirah who couldn't recognise me in my hat! wahah!)  and I remember thinking to myself: this is where happiness is contained. In snatches of time like this; when we realise we have so much to be grateful for, always.

---

“God is with the broken-hearted. When your heart breaks, it’s a good thing – the breaking of the heart is what opens it up to the light of Allah. The dunya is designed to break your heart, to crush it.”

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

:)