sometimes, I wish I could just put faces or something. Scrunched up faces of frustration maybe. aiiyaaayy.

Possible modules for USP this coming sem:

- Cyberart: sounds uber fun cause it has video and photography and generally stuff that I love. But sounds extremely time-consuming. Two major projects or something.

- Negotiating Moral Issues: ethics of biotech. Very relevant. Okay, I guess.

- Southeast Asian Studies: Making of a Region - doesn't sound too bad. It doesn't look like social studies.

- Quantum Computing and Information - freakily interesting because it has the whole crazy quantum world involved! you know, electrons disappearing and tiny particles that defy classical physics! but I only have one science module left to do. And if I do this I can't do Time, Space and Matter next time. Time, Space and Matter is even more fascinating cause it's the whole Einstein space theory about the infinitely expanding universe and time stuff I can't understand. Haha.

Waaah. I don't know. My course schedules are still in a mess. I think I need to see my advisor ASAP to help me sort out my uni life. Because at the rate I'm going... I'm pretty screwed. No space for first-tier modules... much less for advanced ones!

My multiculturalism essay still not materialising! :s

I came up with a strategy while praying today. Everytime I feel an anxiety attack coming, I shall pause, blank my mind and count to ten. Then I tell myself, whatever it is and no matter how bad the situation, Allah and Rasul will help me. (Amin.) One must always keep perspective in order to stay sane. Besides, Bertrand Russell (I think) also said that the sign of a nervous breakdown is when one starts taking one's work far too seriously. So CHILL, I tell myself.

potterpuffs are back! now with icons and pics for deathly hallows. Don't scroll down if you fear spoilers of any form.






















luna and xeno!!! adorable, aren't they? :p

go to potterpuffs for more.

It feels wrong not to talk about the end of HP here. It being so influential on my life and all.

I mean to abandon this place for a while, to take time off, for reasons even I have trouble understanding.

But it would be wrong not to mark the end of an incredible (ten-year-long) story. SO here.

AHEAD: MAJOR BOOK 7 SPOILERS. MAJOR RAMBLE.















I have to gloat that I was so spot on about Snape loving Lily! I just absolutely knew it.

But the way Snape died is tragic. Really. How sad is Snape's life, man.

I love the fact that this book really elucidated everything! (Duh, last book and all, huh?) Especially about Dumbledore! My goodness. His past is so fascinating. And the fact that he was once an ambitious, impulsive, young boy makes him all the more real. And everything about Snape - my! No words. Just a long-due feeling of vindication for an underdog and seriously misunderstood man.

Harry's final wand duel with Voldemort? Epic, yo! And throughout the entire book, I kept thinking, "When did Harry evolve into such a leader?" He's so confident and passionate about what he's doing and compassionate and strong and brave and a million other hero-adjectives. It's shocking that JKR managed to turn him into this when we knew Harry as merely a lonely, scrawny and scared boy only seven years prior. It is excellent character development, no doubt. That final showdown didn't diappoint. I love Harry's speech to Voldie. He spoke like... like... like a man! Not a boy anymore.

And how cool is it that Ron used Parseltongue to get basilisk blood! That is genius work! Ron is adorable more than ever this time, because we see him doing extraordinary things on his own, and he doesn't seem to expect it of himself.

And Ron/Hermione finally materialises. :) And very in-character too.

Most devastating death: Fred Weasley. So devastating that I couldn't shed any tears over it at first. Too shocking. We've always banked on the twins to be there and be funny when times go bad. But when one of them goes, it's just like... kind of a helpless feeling. Waaaah.

I shockingly cried over Moody's death. I mean, he's never been prominent enough to gain my affections, but when he just died like that - it was heartbreaking! Probably his death just highlighted the extreme danger and helplessness of the Order's situation.

Dobby's death was similarly devastating. Which author would bother to kill a house-elf? I mean, fandom work that I've read before have never made the death of a non-wizard so tragic! But JKR succeeded. Dobby holds such dear memories of stacks of woolen hats and tea cosies, and serving Harry like no other. Sniff.

AND HEDWIG!!! Hedwig was the first to go! I mean, like hello! Aren't even pets free from the dangers of the Dark Side???

Oh yes, Oliver Wood appeared again, much to Yujie's satisfaction.

Ah sigh. I could go on, I suppose, and list out my exclamation over every other little thing. But that'll be crazy work.

I LOVE HP. Can't believe Harry finally did it, you know. I remember, when that scene was over, when Voldie was laying dead on the floor - I was quite stunned. I just had trouble letting the fact that it was OVER sink in. But wooh! it was GREAT while it lasted.

I feel like taking a little break.

Today, went to settler's cafe with yujie and eunice. I was incredibly late, but yujie just yelled a little bit via sms so it's fine. heh. And we played games! snorta, cluedo and this weird party-talk game (it's kinda like 'whose line is it anyway'). so hilarious. there was one where anything we said had to be a question and we kept going 'can't you?', 'isn't it?' and 'you know...?' amidst hysterical laughter. I have a feeling I was the loudest person there. I tend to be very oblivious of how loud my voice can go when I'm excited.

Then we went to kino whilst yujie got her laptop and we browsed the books. And looked at antique maps - which are so so so cool. And crazy math books. And looked inside Newton's Principia (totally unintelligible, man!). And I almost bought a Roald Dahl collection. And I definitely definitely want to read Gormenghast soon!

AND AND AND AND! I finally found HP shirts! Yay. So I can wear for saturday. It says dumbledore's army. I had to take XL cause it was supposed to be for kids, but the XL should fit okay. hehehe. so happy! once again: things always pop up nicely when you don't expect them to.

And got yummy banana cake from yujie at last, and fantastic turkish delight from eunice. Looks like I'll have to bring something next time round...

One of my neighbours has a very excitable dog. This neighbour also likes to leave his front door open, so that said dog would bound over from the recesses of the house and bark incessantly at the gate whenever someone so much as stealthily tiptoes past. I always jump a little bit in shock when it suddenly emerges and barks. it irks me sometimes. No matter how much I tell myself, as I walk past and shut my eyes in preparation, "It's going to yip! Get ready....", I still get a little jolt when it finally barks. It's maddening! I wish the little thing would shut up and just wag its tail or something. I know it means me no harm, but its freaking barks make me nervous.

I lost my house keys. Again. This is weird.

Also, pentas budaya has been approved $7400! That's an extra 400 bucks! Hooray for every cent; although yes, we would have better loved an extra thousand or two instead. oh well. also, I am worried about ticket sales. I have no idea who to sell to. People already seem to have elaborate plans for national day eve.

Also, my window goes ping in the night. It's the metal grid contracting cause of the aircon, right? eheh.

I think ong sor fen should shut it about hp. She practically compared OotP (the book, mind you, not the movie!) to a pile of ashes! Oh, I was so irrationally infuriated. She was supposed to give a review of the movie but half the time she was criticising JK's shortcomings in Book 5! annoying! She lamented that every book had the same formula of harry moping in privet drive, then travelling to hogwarts where the teachers are thick and oblivious, and then finally, harry and friends save the day. All I have to say is - she obviously doesn't read properly.

eeeyyaaah!

It boils down to my irritation with people who criticise before they actually truly understand. It is most aggravating. Yes, I do it sometimes too, but at least I don't write it in a national paper. -_-

My brain has been taken over hp now that book 7 is approaching. I can't help but refer to it now and then.

On other things: went to see Abang Mamad's newborn girl today! Cute, but still very tiny and red. haha. Seeing Kak Naz being an aunt, Ami Akar a granddad and used-to-be-selenge Abang Mamad as a father makes me feel old. What goes on in their family is always a preview of what will eventually happen to ours.

watched the hp movie! Loved it. As usual, they had to modify some parts but overall, I think they've got the essence of OotP onscreen. Yay for new screenwriter. :)

Went for liqa' last night. Felt alone without sis. Ate much lesser. And then got all morose thinking about big pictures and state of the world and how everything's so confusing. I've been meaning to change my msn nick to 'CONFUSSED', because being confused is what's been most prominent lately. And for most of my life actually.

Also, last night reminded me of how incredibly dense I am. And I honestly honestly can't stand it. I just want to forget everything.

I loooove mendaki. Today, my chest felt it was full to bursting with happiness, because mendaki was nice and deigned to help us. Why can't there be more nice people in this world, the likes of Kak Z? I realise I have been not-grateful-enough to mendaki thus far. Not only do they provide me money every year, but they also empathise with the difficulties of pentasbudaya. Ah yes. The sun is shining a little bit on us. Although... some other things are still falling apart.

Times like these require that grim courage Allan Massie was talking about.

There are two kinds of courage, my Prince. There is the courage which flares up in moments of danger, the courage which appears without reflection, as a mere natural response to the urgency of the moment. Though I say 'a mere natural response', you must not think that I wish to diminish this sort of courage, for many men lack it and the man who is brave in the hour of peril is justly admired.

But the other sort of courage is still more rare. This is a cold courage which allows a man to look reality in the face, to contemplate adversity and not be daunted. It is a dour level-headed sort of courage, that enables a man to hang on by his teeth when all around him crumbles. And this courage, too, Arthur possessed.

I was such in a good mood on the way back home. Was grinning and reading OotP in the bus. And it suddenly hit me if this was how bubbly, cheerful personalities felt all their lives. How lucky they are, if such people do exist.

I really like this video; I can watch it again and again, and laugh again and again. :)



Anyway, went marketing again today; marketing meaning the-looking-for-sponsors type, not the buying-fish-and-meat-for-dinner type. It wasn't so bad. I'm just getting really tired worrying and anticipating and having setbacks thrown at us again and again and having constant rejections. Feel sick of it all. I feel like we're still holding on, but barely, while things steadily fall apart. But I sincerely hope this is my cynical mind speaking. I hope that, in the end, it'll be all smiles, and we can actually forget the undesirable moments, and salvage whatever friendships that have unbiddenly formed.

Fear is evil. We should be able to bottle our fear, and set it aside. I wish I could.

I love incongruous lines. They have hilarious effects.

“I like you,” she said defiantly, her face aflame. It was strange to admit it and even stranger to realise that it was very, very true.

“Well,” he said after a while. He sounded like he had no idea how to deal with declarations of affection, no matter how warped and weird they were. He looked around at the table, at his hands, everywhere but her. “I think I feel like a cup of coffee.” ~ dg fic by Peki

another one here.

"Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?"

"Yes," said Harry.

"You called her a liar?"

"Yes."

"You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?"

"Yes."

Professor McGonagall sat down behind her desk, watching Harry closely. Then she said, "Have a biscuit, Potter."

"Have - what?"

"Have a biscuit," she repeated impatiently. ~ Order of the Phoenix

Am so so so tired. My eyes are dying to close. Walked around the west of singapore looking for food sponsors today and the heat plus the worry have all accumulated and created a massive throb somewhere behind my eyes.

please let things go smoothly eventually.

-begin promo-

come for pentas budaya, people! (I don't know who I'm shouting to exactly. but maybe someone will listen.) It's a malay charity-cum-arts event where four institutions are competing for the top prize for best drama performance. And we're sponsoring seats for orphans and giving some proceeds to mercy relief. So, if you're doing nothing this 8th of august, please come down and watch this instead. bring your friends! Tickets at $10 only for a great show at victoria concert hall. give me a buzz if you wanna come! 97204423

-end promo-

Now with regards to HP: I both fear and anticipate the coming of deathly hallows. It's really ending, ohmygod. I can't take it. I can't say goodbye. Not yet.

I'm a diehard fan. Can't help it.

I love John McClane to bits. Always have. >_< Coolest of the cool. He sits there amongst my rank of cool heroes. My brother agrees baldness has never been this cool. And I shall say it, yes, Die Hard was fantastic old-school entertainment. :))

Also, my HP fanatism is creeping back full force. And I am thrilled. I've sort of forgotten how much I love it. And as I read OotP (in preparation for what seems a promising movie adaptation), I can't help but recall how much I loved DT too, despite whole plagiarism fiasco. Really, man. How sweet old times seem. Yes, she ripped off Buffy and Monty Python countless times, but it doesn't lessen the image of sarcastic DT!Draco in my mind. Ah sigh.

This means I'm old, right? To be nostalgic like this.

On another issue: You know what I wish? That people would quit being hyper-sensitive over everything. Only kids under the age of 12 are allowed to indulge in being petty, because they're still too young to understand the ways of the world. Take advice from me: Found out you got screwed over? Suck a deep breath, quell the pain, and move on. Sooner or later, you're gonna get so good at it, you really, honestly, won't care. You'll just go, "Oh, I got kicked in the back again? I didn't notice." Besides, I think that half the time, people don't realise they're kicking anyone in the back. Give them the benefit of the doubt, I say.

It would save people a lot of grief if they did that: like Heathcliff and Catherine, and Achilles and Hector. Haha.

I've been thinking why I keep blogging when at times I feel like chucking this place to the dumps. Margaret Atwood has an idea.

Why is it we want so badly to memorialize ourselves? Even while we’re still alive. We wish to assert our existence, like dogs peeing on fire hydrants. We put on display our framed photographs, our parchment diplomas, our silver-plated cups; we monogram our linen, we carve our names on trees, we scrawl them on washroom walls. It’s all the same impulse. What do we hope from it? Applause, envy, respect? Or simply, attention, of any kind we can get? At the very least we want a witness. We can’t stand the idea of our voices falling silent finally, like a radio running down. - Margaret Atwood

ohmygod. these songs ah! can sexual innuendos please please please stay away from candy allusions! icecreams and lollipops are meant for little innocent kids.

anyway. I've decided to do that list of 10 random/weird things about myself that I should have done long ago in response to that blog-chain-game thingy.

THINGS ABOUT ME YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW

1. I procrastinate wildly. The most obvious evidence is this list of course, which should have been up 2 months ago.

2. When I was younger, I used to tell my siblings that I had a bullet in one of my fingers. My brother, being only a year younger, simply gave me the 'whatever-stop-your-nonsense' kind of look. But my sister being that much younger and accordingly, stupider, fell for the bait, and insisted on trying to prove that I was lying. Except of course, no one can prove that I don't have a bullet in my finger. And similarly, I cant prove I do. So it became an ongoing exasperating issue. My sister would go, "If you do have a bullet in your finger, use it! Shoot it!" And I gave her that pretentious, condescending, 'you're-so-dumb' attitude and told her, "Why would I waste my one bullet trying to convince you??? Don't believe, don't believe lah! I don't care what you think. I shall only use it in times of emergency. One day, when I save you from a murderer or something, then you'll see!" My sister would be just -___-; pffft. Hehe. I do love being an annoying older sister.

3. Back in 2004, when I was in egypt and fell sick due to my picking up an accursed pebble from the pyramids, I seriously thought I was going to die. And I bargained with God that if he let me live, I'd become a better person and everything and not care about frivolous things. Haha. Look at me now. I wonder if I've improved.

4. I really really like prawns. They have the most delicious meat in the world.

5. I hate milk. I'd most certainly puke all over the floor if you make me drink a glass of white milk. I am not kidding.

6. I believe in signs. Because more often than not, when I ask for them, God does display them to me. Except I have trouble interpreting what they mean. Haha.

7. My palms are very dry. You can see all the lines on my hand clearly; it's like an old woman's. It's always been that way. When I was a baby, my mum brought me to the doctor to enquire about it, but he dismissed her worries. Some people are just weird, he said (or something like that, haha). He also said it was the sign of an intelligent being. muaha! maybe he was trying to make up for the weird comment. Whatever it is, it gave me hope, as a kid.

8. I fantasise about being a superhero, or simply, hero. This accounts for my 'bullet-in-finger' issue (refer to item no. 2).

9. I feel like I'm depressingly incapable of falling in love. Nothing could move me. I have this unaccountable conviction that my time to do that has come and passed.

10. This is embarassing, but I'll say it anyway, I kiss Elsie goodnight. >_< She's too cute.

I'm supposed to pass this on to 5 other people to do... but seeing as how I don't really know who reads this... I'll just invite the birds to do it in my guestbook, if they wish, and anybody who reads this entry today, whoever you are. :) Have fun.

Work is piling back on already! I am furrr-reaking out.

The stanford essay and website are all due very soon. And I haven't started. Omg. Omgness. Freaked out. And my repeating how freaked out I am so does not help, I know.

Not to mention that budget work is jogging my elbow constantly.

I feel extreme jitterness taking over. Shit. Please don't let me transform into the nervous wreck I always turn into in times of crisis. When one problem looms itself nastily in front of me, it brings forth all the other problems lurking in the background and consequently, I am driven mad with fear. I need to get a grip.

Have I said before that I wish there was such a thing as a bravery potion?

okay, must think positive. the sun will shine on those who smile, as they say. Shall get to work tomorrow. HARD WORK. Shall sit down in coffeebean by my lonesome (or perhaps with Eunice, depending on how bored she is), with my books and my notebook and get down to work.

I bought Wuthering Heights the movie and The Godfather today.

I was ready to dub Heathcliff the most irredeemable villainous character to grace the fictional world (worse than Voldemort because I think Tom Riddle would have turned out different with more hugs and blankets), but then... I watched Ralph Fiennes play Heathcliff in the 1992 movie version. And I succumbed! Such a pretty angry man. One can't help but want to sympathise, despite the evils of Heathcliff.

But seriously though. It's not just cause Ralph Fiennes is the finest Heathcliff. Once I finished reading and opted an objective stance, I realised Wuthering Heights is one of those extremely painful stories with no clear villain, though now I feel inclined to heap the blame on Catherine Senior. And everyone's just so pitiful.

I understand why it's a classic. Love can be such poison.

And I will see what the big deal about Godfather is, tomorrow.

From Monty Python:

King Arthur: I am your king!

Woman: Well I didn't vote for you!

King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.

Woman: Well how'd you become king then?

(Angelic music plays...)

King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!

Dennis: (interrupting) Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!

This hilarious piece cannot be justified with a simple string of HAHAs! >_< ohmygod, so funny. Monty Python is so on the list of videos I am yet to devour.

By the way, Transformers was such fun. I liked it. Okay, it wasn't uber fantastic. There wasn't much by way of deep storyline, but those machines are too cool; two stars aren't enough, ong sor fen! Her reviews in Straits Times are sometimes truly unreliable. I'd give it at least a 3 and a half, if not four. There's such a thrill when you see planes tranforming into robots and then transforming back, all in mid-air! I never thought I'd see the day I gush over trucks and planes. And the bumblebee is to die for. Now I want a chevrolet!

I do do do love well-made action movies. And it's been a secret (or now not so secret) but very ridiculous dream of mine to learn sowrdfighting. Because there is nothing cooler to me. (Any boy that knows swordfighting would have won over half my heart without trying, haha.) This was the reason that I thought I'd join fencing back in RJ, cause it's the closest thing to swordfighting of course. Then I chickened out (AS USUAL!). Not to mention that the fencing suit was waaay ex. And the fact that I was in no way sports-inclined.

oh my god. I rambled and now I can barely remember what I intended to say.

I was saying I love well-made action movies. (It has to be well executed; stupid action movies made for the sake of fighting, like Jet Li's The One, puts me off very badly) The next one to watch is Die Hard 4.0! And I cannot express enough how much I adore John McClane; coolest cop ever. :)

(Bruce Willis over Ashton Kutcher ANY DAY).

I think I've had too much candy today. Unstoppable sugar rush.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

omg. prince charles?!

I should be too old for this, no? But I find it extremely entertaining.

Shamiah's Amazing Mental Ability ... You can divide by zero (Remember ... with great power comes great responsibility!) 'What is your Amazing Mental Ability?' at QuizGalaxy.com

nobel prize here I come. heee.

I've been reading some stuff about hijab and this one by a Muslim convert is funny!

Hijab takes a variety of forms in different Muslim societies and can be adapted to stylishly match modest though elegant western clothing for ladies. Within the parameters of Islamic modesty, a Muslim women is allowed to dress nicely. For the female western convert, it is not necessary to "go native" or resort to drab, dowdy, lesbian-looking cardigans! I agree with Yahiya Emerick who is on record as saying that Muslim women should wear "fashionable hijab", not "circus tents". Or for that matter be mistaken for the wife of Darth Vader.

Darth Vader! HAHAHA. I hope I don't look like one. But I have a problem with being fashionable, full stop. Sigh, what to do.

And also apparently, I didn't know this before, a convert doesn't really have to change his name, unless it has some 'pagan associations' or the like. Interesting.

To continue just a little about how my daddy can, perhaps unwillingly, I concede, get on my nerves:

(and for all I know, he may read this, so I shall be polite and nice. heh heh.)

He told me to burn some vcds for him. And I said okay. Then the night after, while I was watching videos on the net, he asked, "Have you burnt those cds?" I said, "Not yet." Then he went on a tirade about how I can watch Hindi films and stupid Japanese cartoons but I can't ever do one thing for him. By this time, I was !$%^*&^*&^#!%$*. (Don't insult my tv shows, okay.) I was like, "If you want me to do something, then I'll do it, at my own time!" And ANYWAY, I was watching neither of those things! I was watching deedat, which he would very much approve.

Then, the next day, he asked again, "Have you burnt those cds?" And again I said, "Not yet." Because, really really really, there was no time. Then he went, "But I need it for liqa' tonight!" Then I got really pissed cause he didn't tell me so. "You didn't tell me you needed it by tonight!"

"Yes, I did!"

"No, you didn't!"

-_-

But I managed to burn it by liqa'. So, one ridiculous episode over with.

Then today. I was checking my hotmail inbox. And it turned out that my dad had sent me a one-sentence email: "Burn vcd by liqa'."

@_@

EMAIL?! My dad emailed me? Do we not live in the same house? How am I to know to check my mail for instructions from my dad. Exasperating, no?

This has turned out to be quite amusing.