picture in my mind

Why do I have to have these days when I feel inexplicably evil? I don't know. Right now, I feel evil, like I've done something very bad, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Yesterday, when I went for physics lecture (quantum physics is uber cool. it really is, I'm not a physics geek.), Nadzirah started talking about how we always feel ungrateful. How we can't help but envy those who seem to have it so easy. The super-smart and super-pretty and super-nice person we all know one way or another, and the person's seemingly super-perfect life. I agreed with her, of course. I have, time and again, declared the world supremely unfair because the cards I've been dealt with aren't as amazing.

Then I thought about who we should truly, truly admire, and I realise that, hey! They have never had it perfect. People who are truly extraordinary are the ones who've been given tough times but manage to triumph, you know? I mean, what's the point of having it all easy? Where's the challenge in that? Where's the substance in that, that will mould you into a greater person? Take the story of any prophet - Moses, Jesus, Rasulullah, people you should aspire to be, or pick the fictional ones, Batman, Spiderman, Wolverine even - and you find that their lives were always always far from perfect.

So, to cut this short, point is: embrace the difficulties in life for they will make you greater.

The other night, I came out of the kitchen to find my brother pretending to be a radio DJ, while my sister studied and listened to him. And he declared that his back-up jobs (should all lawyer-engineer-doctor professions not work out) would be 1) radio DJ, 2) bus driver and 3) nelayan (fisherman). That honestly tickled me. But it got me thinking too. I've had that list before. I wanted to become a National Geographic photographer once. But now, I've learnt to dream less. I also think it's damn cool to have Ian Wright's job. Who wouldn't want that. Lately, I've been dreaming of opening a cafe-cum-bookstore-cum-videostore somewhere in the heartland of Tampines. Maybe. But I have much less faith in dreams now than I used to. Oh well.