picture in my mind

I really meant for me to be productive all this weekend. That's the reason I opted out of the M'sia Trip anyway and am as a consequence utterly home alone. But all I've been doing the entire day is lug my book around the house but not reading it and watching sap shows on tv. I really desperately need a dose of self-discipline-potion (I keep wishing there was one).

Anyway, I cried so much watching tv today, it's nuts. I think being really alone releases you of the inhibitions you never realised you put on yourself when around others. So I learnt I am really an uber uber sap. Oh, I already knew I was sappy, but didn't quite know the extent. I watched Dark Water and the movie was only so-so but it reduced me to a horrible puddle of tears. And I watched the last bit of Sisterhood of Travelling Pants again and cried at America Ferrera and Amber Tamblyn's scenes because they're both superb young actresses and the sadness just seeps through the screen. And then I watched Virrudh on Vasantham; the first half sucked, but John Abraham was in it and it sustained me, heh, so I reached the second half which was good and sad and so I cried again.

Speaking of which, I don't quite understand why I'm so attracted to Bollywood. Possibly the large percentage of Indian blood in me? Or more probably, the melodrama! I love melodrama. Bollywood lets me indulge that side of me.

I have this theory that the more sappy the person, the more unsappy the person seems. I know some people. And me. I have been told before that I constantly have a calm facade. Oh, but if you only knew me.

The birds did give me an "I AM NOT PARANOID" badge for my birthday once.

It is going to be midnight soon and I feel lonely. The only people I spoke to today: the mat at mcdonald's, umi and iqah over the phone, for like a minute, and nekmah for two minutes.

And another problem with being alone is that no one will help me chase the cockroaches away (if they come!).

Okay, shall go back to tv. Will will will will will will will study tomorrow.