picture in my mind

I want to be normal. But not mediocre. What a horror. I'll kill myself thinking like this.

I want to be normal. I want to be like those girls who bake cookies and complain about how the oven conked out on them. I want to be the kind of girl who worries enough about their weight to actually lose some. I want to be the kind of girl who has numerous girlfriends and seem constantly happy. The kind of girl who's close to her mummy and is cheerful and the apple of her daddy's eye. A girl who actually knows how to shop. (Other than for books or vcds.) A girl who endeavours to make her room flawless and pretty. A girl who gushes about boys without feeling more than a tad bit bashful. How enviable. But not always.

Here I am, always going on about how depressing life is, more often than not. gah. Maybe it's because I feel like too much of an anomaly. But the weird thing is, sometimes, I relish that fact; that I am able to easily distinguish myself. So there you have it. A self-contradicting, ungrateful, indecisive psycho, I am.

Getting away from this, I just want to say that I have started to appreciate Singapore's natural scene - yes we have some. Went to Labrador Park to look at what's left of our rocky shore. And absolutely loved that 300m stretch of coast. Some weird seagrasses, some squishy things that shrink upon touch, crabs of various sizes, sea cockroaches and other numerous life. It's beautiful to know how much life there is in such a small place. Why do humans have to destroy so much?

Why are we given the capability to? So doomsday would come? Of our own doing; since we're destroying earth slowly and steadily? I think so. I mean, if God created all animals in nature so interdependent; to exist in an indisruptable, ecological balance (think beautiful food webs), why are we given the exception to violate that very rule? It seems that we were given the power of thought to rise above the animal level because God (or if you refuse to believe in an almighty, then, Nature), meant for the earth to be killed. We were allowed to learn to hunt, build, invent and kill more than any other animal is allowed to. If the point of this earth - its existence - was to sustain life, then humans wouldn't have been allowed to get this smart. The fact that we are smart enough to pollute and alter the face of the earth so much, shows that God had assigned the assasination of this world to us. This world is meant to end. Of course, I don't mean to endorse pollution and such; just because the destruction of the world is inevitable, doesn't mean we have to speed up the process. I'm just saying it's obvious something bigger is playing a hand in this world than mindless nature. Nature wouldn't have allowed the advent of humans. Nature would have carried on a ceaseless existence of peaceful flora and fauna; not suddenly dump destructive humans in the midst of every other creation. We were put here for a reason.

Wow. How did I digress so much.