Went for mentoring today after a month, and almost wished I didn't, despite all the guilt boiling within me. The place was such a racket. They were all so busy putting up everything for tomorrow's charity carnival; unloading carts of things from lorries, shouts from one corner of the hall to the other, setting dinner tables for no doubt tomorrow's VIPs and when I finally caught sight of Farhan, I could see he was hoping not to see me. I could understand. He wanted to be in the midst of things. He wanted to have fun and help out. And I had to take him away from all that and coop him up in the library. And so, his evil side won out, and he tried to run away from the session, and he consequently received a scolding, which left him in tears. I felt so bad. I had wanted to ask him if he was busy so I could go, but he dashed off saying he'd get his bag and didn't appear for a long time. A while later, he trudged in, hiding his face, though I could still see his tear-streaked cheeks, and sat alone in one corner, reading. Then dearest becok Adam filled me in on what happened. Farhan refused to speak for a long time.
Then I thought about how maybe he'll start to hate me. And I started to get worried. Even though technically, I didn't do anything wrong. I hate it when people hate people with no apparent good reason. (I can feel myself digessing from current topic.) I think it's only valid to hate a person if: he murders or seriously maligns one of your loved ones, disrespects yours or others' opinion, values and religion or has not an ounce of humanity within him. (Like that psycho guy who rammed down the kindergarten kids with his truck just because they were blocking the road with their morning assembly.) Dislike certain traits in people - maybe. But not hate. Hate is too strong an emotion.
Humans must learn to be forgiving. I have had instances where I was so hurt I didn't think I could forgive, but I eventually learnt to. Because it is a noble thing to do. Because it is more courageous than biting back. To err is human, to forgive divine. So true. I just pasted a quote from the hadith there on the right. Which brings me to say: I am convinced. Allah knows what He's doing, and I shall stop questioning where I know I won't understand. For what is my knowledge and intelligence compared to God's? What is my extent of mercy and humanity compared to God's? I shall stop thinking it's unfair.
I love the Noble Quraan! (The translated version of the original Quraan.) I will learn Arabic by next year and try to interpret some things myself. Hopefully. Oh my. I can be ambitious if I want to.
Anyway. Farhan eventually got around to playing and talking after an hour. And I was relieved.
I am so melodramatic.
I think I could act, you know, if I wanted to. I keep thinking that if I were born in a different place to a different family (technically, I won't be me then, but humour me), say in Hollywood to the Culkin family, and I get a chance to star in movies, I think I'll be a good actress. I might not be big, because for that you need dazzling looks and hot gossip as well, but I'd not find it terribly hard to act. All I'd need to do is get rid of the initial camera shyness and stage frights, then I can act. I somehow find it easy to be in someone else's shoes and I get so easily absorbed in things, I think I'd believe I'm the character I play. Watching and reading already gets me going, what more of acting. The other time, I was watching 'Who's The Boss?' on hallmark, and actually cried at this sweet, sad part. How much more of a sap can I get? It's supposed to be a happy, family show!
Like I said, I'm melodramatic, obsessive and compulsive.
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