picture in my mind

I was getting excited about Friday. Scared, but excited.

But then... I realised I shouldn't be so excited. And I shouldn't get so happy being in RJ yet. Because if I end up getting kicked out, I'll be utterly devastated. What if during those three months I've made new friends or I've ended up in a wonderful class/facullty/whatever but then I'd have to leave in the end? I don't think I can handle that.

I was lying on my bed this morning, thinking about this and the more I thought about it, the more terrified I became. It's really scary to think that my language grade for Os depends solely on my English. My Malay is hopeless. And language cannot be so consistent... right? I mean, not all of my essays can be good, I can't recall my vocabulary all the time and I can't think of interesting things to converse about in oral as often as I like. It's not possible to be so excellent in all your writing works. So what if the essay I wrote really sucks? What's going to happen?!

HELP. Paranoia has hit me.