picture in my mind

First, I must say that I'm back in Singapore. Landed a few days ago actually, on Sunday. But as you have noticed, this is the first time I'm updating since my return and it doesn't seem like I'm going to launch on a detailed story about my visit anytime in the next few words. I'm the kind of person who can write only when I feel like writing. And right now, I don't feel like writing about Switerland just yet.

I know Duck would be dying to say "I told you so!" right in my face because she'd predicted I would undoubtedly procrastinate and procrastinate and eventually not write all together. I know I procrastinated... and am still procrastinating, but I really do plan to write about my holiday. So I beg for your patience.

I'm a feeler, I've discovered. Not recently... for a long time, I've known. I'm sensitive, though I really hate to admit it. Apart from being easily hurt, I'm the kind of person that cries if you cry. I recall an incident that is still vivid in my mind though by my standards, I should not be able to since it happened when I was barely six. I was in Primary 1 and one of my classmates did something wrong in class. I fail to specifically remember what his crime was, but whatever it was, he was scolded badly by our teacher. And not very long after that, he started crying. And I almost cried with him! I was all choked up and tearing. Luckily, no one spotted me, I think. Then there's the time at the end of Sec 2 when 205 was sitting in a circle, having sort of a farewell gathering, and Evelyn cried. I think it was more of Evelyn crying continuously that made me follow suit instead of the imminent separation from my friends. If I'm not wrong, another incident included the time when Mumu cried over her MT O results and I cried with her. I couldn't help it. Normally I try to control myself, but sometimes, I can't hold back.

I think part of the reason why it's so much easier for me to just ramble on about my current thoughts and emotions than describe certain things (like Switzerland) is because I'm a feeler. And of course, there's the horrible fact that being a feeler has turned me into a half-zombie, half-human. What I mean to say is that I normally stare off into space. My brother and sister complain to me about it. For instance, when I look at them, I'm not actually LOOKING at them. Turk can easily testify to that. Or one minute I would be talking to them, then I would turn away and stare at something else and they would carry on talking and only realise that my mind is focused elsewhere much later in the conversation. I assure you, this problem is not ALWAYS (though sometimes it is) due to the fact that I am obsessed over blonde-haired guys, contrary to your immediate assumption.

Of course... my analysis of my own personality might be completely off track and that I am in truth, merely a humungous blur blob who cannot keep focus on one thing long enough.

Before I embarass myself any further, I should type what I intended to type before I got steered into the "feeling" discussion. I was thinking, as I went around with my activities today, how much substantial truth there is in the well-liked phrase, "I was born intelligent. Education ruined me." I like it because it gives me more reason to hate school and not do homework. Sometimes when I get fed up, I imagine myself in front of the school staff room, waving a placard, with that particular phrase emblazoned across it, and demonstrating against the destruction of my intelligence. It really relieves a tiny bit of stress and frustration. But to get to the point because my beating about the bush is really getting ridiculous, I've only realised how right that phrase is today. This holiday, ever since secondary school studies are done for good, I have been indulging myself in Lymond and numerous other books. And unaware, I had begun researching little things like Latin phrases, history of the royal families of Europe, the meanings of so many new words and even species of birds (because Dunnett loves to describe the scenery in absolute detail), all without being forced! I was actually gaining knowledge because I wanted to. I even attempted to learn French using my brother's dictionary! Perhaps the reason I was so enthusiastic is due to the fact that it is about Lymond, but still! If only education would leave us alone and let us explore things on our own. I would be much more well-read by now, I'm positive. Forcing information down our throats only makes us throw it back out again. Let us have the satisfaction of discovering stuff on our own and we would treasure knowledge. Haven't you ever heard about the children of professors who receive private tuition from their parents? They end up being qualified for university long before public school students. It's because their smart parents understand the nasty side effects of education and their thirst for knowledge is preserved. Too bad my parents aren't Ph.D holders or the equivalents.

Do you know what I did today? I was reading a Mensa book! I was so absorbed with this chapter about logic and venn diagrams that I actually didn't get bored. And after that, I began reading an encyclopaedia on brains titled, "Making the Most of Your Brain". And as I was reading, the reality of what I was doing hit me. And so I came to ponder about the aforementioned phrase.

When you think about it, it really is no wonder that Singapore has not produced any Nobel prize winners. We don't have enough people who have that thirst for knowledge. Most of it is squeezed out during the stressful school years. By the time people finish studying at whatever tertiary institution they attend, the one thing they want to do is burn all their textbook notes and declare liberty from tests and exams. What's the chance that there are individuals who are all for the government's Life-long Learning Programme, adding in the fact that Singapore is a small island nation with a small population out of which only a small portion succeed to graduate with a degree.

How sad. I am, from now on, going to consciously make an effort to be interested in topics out of the textbook and not let education ruin me.

Sister is pestering me to play Worms with her.