I dreamt I bought some bisphosphoglycerate tea (ahahahah! metabolism module obviously getting to me) and that my multiculturalism essay received an impossible A++ grade. (Yes, there really were two pluses!) And that Nerney marked it, not Daniel. Man, I wish I wish.

Went to the airport today to send Daddy off for his Ramadhan Umrah. Jealous jealous! Hopefully, I'll get to go again someday. I was telling my sis:

Me: You know what. I think the only time I was really really happy was when I was there. I mean, it wasn't really a high, I wasn't having the kind of high that rollercoasters can give you. But I was content and really happy. Despite, I remember vividly, having to study for freaking prelims and lugging my chem textbook. I was just really... happy.

Sis: It's called peace.

Me: YAR! Peace! That's it!

Heehee. But really. Peace is so hard to find.

Anyway, I also wish I was more affectionate like my sis. I take afer my dad too much (his fault, I say!). When she hugged him today, she immediately said, "I love you." She made it easier for me to tell him I love him too.

Airports are places brimming with love.

***

On other shocking news: pigey! goodnessgracious. I told Duckie today that we should make a pact. Should any of us friends undergo anything major in our lives, the rest should be informed within a one month period, MAX. That should be enough buffer period for whatever thinking, chewing-over, or contemplating that one needs to do. No?

Suddenly dropping the bomb nearly one year later is seriously @_@. SHOCKING. Do that, and on top of the natural initial surprise, expect a "You took this long to tell us you have a boyfriend???" tirade and also expect to be grilled like a sotong. ahah.

I think I'm falling into my pit of angst again. Every other post will start to sound like a tantrum. But really, man. There are a million and one things to be angry about in this world. Not least with oneself. How does one cope?

My sister just sighed over her physics books again. And I had to laugh out and say, "Why must our lives be filled with sighs?"

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

In other words, be happy despite miserable situation and in the hope of striving for a better one.

okay, enough of this.

***

Peacewish: Stupid bureaucrats! Stupid politicians! They think they can just do whatever they like to us, trample our rights and take away what’s ours, in the name of what they think is ‘right’. Like, the cotton-brained &$-ups in the State Department that are robbing American citizens of their hard earned money for idiotic foreign projects.

Meilin: As in…

Peacewish: As in the government grant they’re ‘giving’ to my school in Thailand. Some dim bulb thought up a plan to prevent future terrorism by teaching all the Muslims down here some English – I guess in the hope that if they know how to order a hamburger in a restaurant they won’t be so inclined to blow it up. Doesn’t bin Laden speak perfectly fluent English?

Tomoyo: Well, in his fatwahs he seems to think it’s all right to end a sentence with both a question mark and an exclamation mark.

haha. I wonder if that's really true.

Sometimes one can find such a treasure of a writer on the internet. I really do like Peacewish's works. (Above is a dialogue she enacts between herself and all her characters at the end of every fic, in the name of thrashing out the plot and themes.) All her political angst fused into a fantasy/action story with adorable and wonderfully-developed characters are extremely engaging.

***

Time for long-long-overdue photos. (So typical of me, isn't it?) Last last weekend (31st Aug) was a much-anticipated cousin dinner at Sakura, courtesy of dearest kaktiyah. It was full of crappiness (on our parts, not the restaurant) and loads of good food. It was a buffet. Hussain accidentally ordered black herbal chicken, thinking it was black PEPPER chicken. It turned out appearing utterly foreign and inedible-looking, and we all dared each other to taste the soup. A memorable night. :)




This is us when we managed to stop laughing.






Hussain lost the number game and was forced to take a sip of his black herbal chicken. :p





***

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd   You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Science/Math Nerd
Literature Nerd
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Anime Nerd
Musician
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

ahah.

Okay. It's time I blogged. Cause I've been meaning to. But something else always comes first.

This has to be recounted. Because I had such a visceral reaction and I want it to be remembered, and I want people to know. I was having a typical 6-hour-long biochemistry lab session. And some of my lab peers love to converse in Chinese. Which is fine with me, because I have accepted that it is too much of a natural instinct for them when they're together.

But when fellow Indian dude misconstrues Singapore as a result, I SNAP:

Two Chinese dudes walk past blabbering in Chinese to each other, and they seemed harried.

Indian: Eh, what did they say?
Me: Eh. How should I know?
Indian: You've been living in this country forever deh...

I think at this point, my face completely froze over.

Me: Singapore is not a Chinese country, okay. We have a Malay national anthem.

I couldn't control myself. I even jeling ah! Ohmygoodness. And it's so totally not his fault. He was just ignorant. But shock and anger totally monopolised my speech. And then I stalked off to the sink to wash something, before I could say anything else. He looked completely taken aback by my response.

Clearly, this is an uncontrollably sore topic for me. The incredible injustice of it all.

I almost didn't want to blog because I am so freaking tired, I wish I could just keel over, curl into a ball and hibernate like a bear. Really man. I don't know what I'm surviving on. I understand the pull of drugs now. Haha.

You know what I wish? I wish I were a Roswell alien so that I'd only require three hours of sleep a night. I like to sleep, but there just ain't enough time to do all the things that life can offer you.

Had a seriously hectic weekend full of family melodrama, but loads of laughs as well.

Somebody tell me how to survive uni with the family that I have. I feel like rubber slowly being stretched too thin. And then, snap. Haiyoh.

Okay you know what. I am too tired.

I feel like I'm splitting my skull. Critical thinking is an ass. And truly, that's what freaking term papers require of you. They require you to plumb the depths of the mind and come out with some amazing epiphany you can shape into a thesis. It is exhausting in the extreme. I mean, one can sit down in one position for two hours straight contemplating one chain of causality in the quest of finding ultimate root of a world problem. Or something like that.

I've gone beyond wanting to scratch my cheeks to ribbons (I suppose that's a different kind of frustration). My morbidity has brought me to envisioning encasing my eyeballs in a special wooden case. So that, for a little while, I can escape my thoughts and go to sleep. I can't seem to rest.

When you think about it: aaah... the comforts of science. Nice, logical equations.

Watched Notes On A Scandal last night. It has frightened me into wanting marriage, no matter the partner. AHAH. No, I'm kidding lah. I couldn't do that, I think. Briefly, Judi Dench acts as psycho spinster and Cate Blanchett acts as unknowing victim. Spinster clings to fellow colleague like a leech, and it evokes both pity and utter horror. The story explores the dangerous depths of loneliness and lack of human touch. From now on, I shall attmept to hug others more and adopt a kid if I don't manage to have my own some day.

I keep getting back aches and shoulder aches! Eeesh.

My fridays shall all be nice days from now on. Because both my lectures are webcasted! So that effectively, I do not need to turn up. :p But of course, I must discipline myself and watch the webcasts.

Seeing my advisor tomorrow. I don't think I know at all what we'll be discussing.

I am sad because I won't be going for my politics of heritage cambodia field trip!
:( Because it will be Ramadhan. Ah sigh.

I'm still mentally tired from wednesday's 6 hour lab session so excuse the extremely routine, boring post. I can't seem to exert any extra energy. I just want to laze indefinitely and read Lymond. Please?

Because I miss Lymond, I googled him. :p

I read 600 books doing research for the Lymond Chronicles. And, remember, this was before computers and copy machines. I must have copied out thousands of pages of notes - which I still have, collected in notebooks.
~Dorothy Dunnett

Goodness. What wouldn't any of us give for just a little bit of those notes!

And you know what! Donati = Dunnett in Italian!

The name Donati - as in Evangelista Donati, who looks after Joleta and later hands Kuzum into the care of Philippa at Zakynthos - is apparently the Italian form of Dunnett... So like Dorothy to drop such a connection into the story knowing that it might lay undiscovered for years. I can just hear her laughing - ‘oh good, they found one, but there’s plenty more to go’.

Man! I so want to sit and reread. If I were thrown on a desert island, I'd want the chronicles to be with me.

Been finally working somewhat intensively on multiculturalism paper. :s Daniel thinks I'm in trouble with it. Not far from the truth, that.

whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there? ahahah. with open arms and open eyes? no. Probably mine will be screwed shut in fear.

I have to constantly calm myself down... Fretting over every little thing is my natural instinct. Must fight.

I have photos from the previous liqa'!



And then we insisted on making the boys wear the scarf. Ahahaha. Too bored, we were.




Macam achi rempah. heh.

Okay, have to go. Mudaris coming in a while for arabic!

Every day, I think of at least three different things to blog about. But when I get here, nothing comes easy. Writing is so dependent on split-second inspiration sometimes. Epiphanies should be treated with reverence - I should stop mid-step, mid-work, mid-mrt-cabin and scribble them down or something.

I was incredibly unlucky today. It culminated in my having to wait near an hour for bus No. 10 in old bedok area. After 50 minutes of waiting, I was completely and utterly pissed at SBS, and stalked off from the bedok ria bus stop and walked to tanah merah station instead. But then: (yes, you guessed it) No. 10 drove past. Grrrr.

Not to mention that whilst waiting for the infuriating bus, a couple of banglas wandered over, apparently lost. Looking for some garden called Limau Bali. What on earth. Never heard of such a place. I was being reticent and fairly unresponsive. They were nice and okay-looking but they were still unfamiliar FOREIGNERS and notorious banglas some more and I was alone at a lonely bus stop during the night.

You have no idea how much I wished I had a boyfriend at hand at that point in time. HAHA. Anyway, I digress.

Luckily, they had the sense to sit a bench apart from me, while still insisting on making conversation though. Their english is super unintelligible by the way. One of them said he had a sister also called shamiah. Yes, they asked for my name, and I hesitated at first, but couldn't see too much harm in telling. I didn't want to seem too rude. They were still human beings. So they hung around, one of them messaging on his handphone, while I fidgeted and tried to will No.10 to come by sheer force of mind (didn't work of course). Then to my relief, they decided to take a cab. And I was still there waiting for blasted No.10. Then, like I said, I stormed off after a while more. Seriously man - banglas came and went and still bus failed to arrive!

blah and gah. Also, pentas money matters are making me like this: >.<

We had a syabab united gathering in occasion of isra' mi'raj yesterday. And it was... good. Although 'good' doesn't quite cut the description for the whole event. Yesterday was a day for much pondering and brain-squeezing. (Notice how my adjectives have involved the word 'brain' lately.) aiyah. right now, I am in no mood to be detailed.

I think I've become that little bit better in arabic. humyay.

I wonder if, at the bottom of it all, we all just live to be loved.

I am rich and happy. (okaylah, not so rich, but still happy):)))) Haaaaa. It feels good. After much stress and agony, (right to the last moment, let me tell you), it feels real good to know people were happy with pentas. And that we made it work - DESPITE EVERYTHING.

Despite our certainty that murphy's laws were toying with us at every turn, we managed to overcome. Everything that could have gone wrong really did. So much so that ibnur himself lost faith in 'ibnur's laws'. Haha. So many merepek obstacles overcome. Ohmygosh. Farhanah was right. Can't believe it's over. 10 frakking months, was it? So looooong.

I don't have any photos cause I was lazy to whip out my camera. Too kecoh with everything.

Just to illustrate the craziness of pentas, even on the night itself:

1) an hour to arrival of GOH, I discovered our reserved parking lots were taken over by two unknown vehicles. (Wanted to scream, man.) I was about to breakdown, I tell you. Haha. Then, I paced around the carpark, wracking my brains. Here, I have to thank Yusrina, whose cute, tiny blue car was miraculously one of the cars that managed to get parking. So we begged her to give up her space for GOH's big merc and she obliged. We owe her big. Miracle, that was. Stupid, useless VT people who didn't tell me properly to guard the lots. Eeeesh.

2) Front doors refused to open at 8 pm. Wahlau. People swarming around the registration table with irritated faces is not a pleasant experience.

3) As me and yammie were starting to clear up the registration table at bout 8.30, this boy came up to us and said, "Kak, boleh masuk tak? I baru kena rompak ah. Nak jumpa kawan kejap." We were like @_@, WHAT. "Sumpah???" "Sumpah!" Apparently, some three dudes, just round the corner, took away his bag of money and his ticket. And we gave him the benefit of the doubt and yammie took him in to see his friend. We were freaked out ah! Me especially, owing to the fact that I was holding on to a cashbox overflowing with bills.

4) omg. the most kecoh results tabulation EVER. Lin and Hidayat calculating scores at one end of the world (we had no idea which corner of the theatre they were parked at, painfully taking FOREVER counting), and me freaking out over prizes, at stage right. Waiting for Lin to come over with the results. Hilarious to recall now. Ibnur was writing out names of sponsors on a piece of white paper for our dewa/emcee, as a filler dialgue, while we waited for Lin. And then we couldn't find SCOTCHTAPE to tape the paper onto the dewa's scroll. I was wringing my hands with worry. Then Ibnur started peeling off tape from the plastic bags backstage to pathetically paste the paper on the scroll.

Then, when Mahathir, our fantastic dewa, was on stage unfurling the scroll, the white paper fell, and he went, "Tengoklah makhluk bumi ni, tak tahu nak gam betul-betul!"

OMG! He is so hilarious. Fantastic, spontaneous performer. My sis (who sat right in front of the judges) said Rafaat Hamzah was totally impressed by him. He was like, "Mana dorang dapat budak ni seh?"

I kept calling Lin up to tell her to STOP COUNTING AND COME WITH THE RESULTS NOW NOW NOW. I think there were three of us there running around like worried, headless chickens. Wany was totally stressing, "I need the results now! Now!" And then when Lin finally came, there were like about ten of us crowding over the judges' papers. I was totally totally BRAIN-SCRAMBLED. Cause Mahathir was done announcing the sponsors and we still didn't have the results.

I had to squat down for a moment to gather my thoughts before I totally went nuts.

Then we were all like, crowding around the papers, dashing out:

"Okay, sape overall?"

"I need everyone to look at the drama sheet, the drama sheet."

"Lin, SAPE OVERALL WINNER???"

"Purnama Sari! Purnama Sari!"

"Best actor? Best actor?"

"Just give me a name!"

"(read off judging sheet) Yang pakai baju merah..."

"Sape yang pakai baju merah!!!"

"OHMYGOD!!!" (this is probably me being totally stressed and unhelpful)

"Mat Jenin, Mat Jenin!"

"You sure???"

And all the while, Mahathir was going back and forth, on and off stage, entertaining the audience while we figured out the winners. His booming voice, "Apasal lambat sangat hah!", was half-making me go into hysterics.

GOODNESS.

That whole 5 minute fiasco has made such precious memory now. I'll never forget how crazy it was. HAHAHA.

Wooooooooooooooooooooooh.

I'm glad we all stuck by pentas budaya.

crunch time for pentas. :s

Amidst all these whacked things going on that's frying my brain into mush, it feels strangely incongruous to receive a 'Hi, cher!' from one of my hyper ex-students. Cheerfulness ain't fitting in right now.

The impossibility of tomorrow (but see how we will triumph over impossibilities):
1) We need 36 packets of white printing paper for event booklets, the cost of which was not foreseen by the blur-sighted treasurer - me.
2) We have no transport to carry said paper.
3) 36 packets of paper are heavy.
4) I think we have less than 4 hours to print 1200 copies of event booklets.
5) Current manpower: 2

6) Despite all this, I have the comp bio tea session that I need to attend in the morning, owing to pressing doubts and questions.

Extreme multi-tasking reduces productivity.

All my modules for this sem have been settled. :) thank god.

Today, for the first time at coffee bean, I got a Mango Creme fruit blend instead of my normal coffee blends. Delicious.

The beginning of every sem seems to give me a certain drive. I'm all geared up now to raise my cap. Must must must. Else usp or comp bio might give me the boot.

[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
ahahaha guess WHAT!

shammity rammity says:
eh
shammity rammity says:
WHAT?
shammity rammity says:
you have a boyfriend?

[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
-_________________________-

shammity rammity says:
okay.. not that... you're gonna appear on tv?
shammity rammity says:
WHAT!!!

[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
I GOT A KITCHEN SCALE!
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
:'D
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
HAHAHA

shammity rammity says:
-___________________________-"
shammity rammity says:
goodness.

unhealthy obsession over kitchen appliances much? haha.

Everything's so hectic. My favourite time of any day now lies during the wee hours of the morning - past midnight when I've signed off msn and when I've made myself quit worrying about one thing or another. And I can relax and read and escape.

Earlier, I was washing this mug I had used. The mug was from someone's wedding and had all these words of promise and forever-ness inscribed within a heart. And then a moment later, I realised that the couple was no longer together. I zonked out for a bit in surprise. How horrible is it to realise a mug outlasts a marriage? I suppose, if one were to think about it, there must be a million of such items from a million failed relationships. But to hold it in my hand like that - so sad lah. People make so many empty promises of forever, eh?

sometimes, I wish I could just put faces or something. Scrunched up faces of frustration maybe. aiiyaaayy.

Possible modules for USP this coming sem:

- Cyberart: sounds uber fun cause it has video and photography and generally stuff that I love. But sounds extremely time-consuming. Two major projects or something.

- Negotiating Moral Issues: ethics of biotech. Very relevant. Okay, I guess.

- Southeast Asian Studies: Making of a Region - doesn't sound too bad. It doesn't look like social studies.

- Quantum Computing and Information - freakily interesting because it has the whole crazy quantum world involved! you know, electrons disappearing and tiny particles that defy classical physics! but I only have one science module left to do. And if I do this I can't do Time, Space and Matter next time. Time, Space and Matter is even more fascinating cause it's the whole Einstein space theory about the infinitely expanding universe and time stuff I can't understand. Haha.

Waaah. I don't know. My course schedules are still in a mess. I think I need to see my advisor ASAP to help me sort out my uni life. Because at the rate I'm going... I'm pretty screwed. No space for first-tier modules... much less for advanced ones!

My multiculturalism essay still not materialising! :s

I came up with a strategy while praying today. Everytime I feel an anxiety attack coming, I shall pause, blank my mind and count to ten. Then I tell myself, whatever it is and no matter how bad the situation, Allah and Rasul will help me. (Amin.) One must always keep perspective in order to stay sane. Besides, Bertrand Russell (I think) also said that the sign of a nervous breakdown is when one starts taking one's work far too seriously. So CHILL, I tell myself.

potterpuffs are back! now with icons and pics for deathly hallows. Don't scroll down if you fear spoilers of any form.






















luna and xeno!!! adorable, aren't they? :p

go to potterpuffs for more.

It feels wrong not to talk about the end of HP here. It being so influential on my life and all.

I mean to abandon this place for a while, to take time off, for reasons even I have trouble understanding.

But it would be wrong not to mark the end of an incredible (ten-year-long) story. SO here.

AHEAD: MAJOR BOOK 7 SPOILERS. MAJOR RAMBLE.















I have to gloat that I was so spot on about Snape loving Lily! I just absolutely knew it.

But the way Snape died is tragic. Really. How sad is Snape's life, man.

I love the fact that this book really elucidated everything! (Duh, last book and all, huh?) Especially about Dumbledore! My goodness. His past is so fascinating. And the fact that he was once an ambitious, impulsive, young boy makes him all the more real. And everything about Snape - my! No words. Just a long-due feeling of vindication for an underdog and seriously misunderstood man.

Harry's final wand duel with Voldemort? Epic, yo! And throughout the entire book, I kept thinking, "When did Harry evolve into such a leader?" He's so confident and passionate about what he's doing and compassionate and strong and brave and a million other hero-adjectives. It's shocking that JKR managed to turn him into this when we knew Harry as merely a lonely, scrawny and scared boy only seven years prior. It is excellent character development, no doubt. That final showdown didn't diappoint. I love Harry's speech to Voldie. He spoke like... like... like a man! Not a boy anymore.

And how cool is it that Ron used Parseltongue to get basilisk blood! That is genius work! Ron is adorable more than ever this time, because we see him doing extraordinary things on his own, and he doesn't seem to expect it of himself.

And Ron/Hermione finally materialises. :) And very in-character too.

Most devastating death: Fred Weasley. So devastating that I couldn't shed any tears over it at first. Too shocking. We've always banked on the twins to be there and be funny when times go bad. But when one of them goes, it's just like... kind of a helpless feeling. Waaaah.

I shockingly cried over Moody's death. I mean, he's never been prominent enough to gain my affections, but when he just died like that - it was heartbreaking! Probably his death just highlighted the extreme danger and helplessness of the Order's situation.

Dobby's death was similarly devastating. Which author would bother to kill a house-elf? I mean, fandom work that I've read before have never made the death of a non-wizard so tragic! But JKR succeeded. Dobby holds such dear memories of stacks of woolen hats and tea cosies, and serving Harry like no other. Sniff.

AND HEDWIG!!! Hedwig was the first to go! I mean, like hello! Aren't even pets free from the dangers of the Dark Side???

Oh yes, Oliver Wood appeared again, much to Yujie's satisfaction.

Ah sigh. I could go on, I suppose, and list out my exclamation over every other little thing. But that'll be crazy work.

I LOVE HP. Can't believe Harry finally did it, you know. I remember, when that scene was over, when Voldie was laying dead on the floor - I was quite stunned. I just had trouble letting the fact that it was OVER sink in. But wooh! it was GREAT while it lasted.