I just made the mistake of blog-hopping again (hello, it is like freaking drug abuse! it is bad for me but I still do it.) and started pleading for help from Eunice.
sham b says:
I FEEL DEPRESSED.
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
This is why you must never go blog-hopping
sham b says:
okay.
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
It screws up any sort of transient peace you have
sham b says:
please remind me from time to time.
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
FORGET WHAT YOU HAVE SEEN
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
HAHA
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
FORGET NOW.
sham b says:
SIIIIGH
sham b says:
SIIIIIIIIGH
sham b says:
Part of me just wants to CRY.
sham b says:
LIKE SERIOUSLY.
sham b says:
WHHHHYYYYY.
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
Yes, the common side effect of this activity
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
Would you rather never worry about more complicated things? Worry, as in try to work it out in your mind?
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
No, right?
sham b says:
no.
sham b says:
but.
sham b says:
I can't explain it.
sham b says:
I feel so inadequate.
It's just, I see these people, and they seem so wonderfully happy and uncomplicated and pure and beautiful (okay, I am aware that I sound a little bit mad...) that I can't help but start to worry about myself. And Shweta just wished me a worry-free holiday too. It's like, for some people, things just seem to come so easy. And when they cry, it's about simple and little things. And they complain about simple and little things. And omg, I feel so amazingly distraught right now, it's mad.
BREATHE.
Okay, I am sorry. I do wonder why outbursts like these aren't confined within the period of adolescence. I am supposed to be oooold and be done with stupid and irrational pettiness. Met up with Jiawen, Munirah and Eunice today, and at one point we were exclaiming about how old we're getting. We were like, "GASP! The kids born in 2000 are in Primary 3 now!!!" and "OHMYGOD, your sister is a 90s baby??? A 90s baby??? And she's 18???" and "There is this blogger I know who said she was getting married and then, GASP, I found out she was born in '88!" HAHA, seriously mad and random, okay.
Also, it is a mark of age that I am seeing the following poem in a completely different light than when I was 15 and Ms Leow set it for us for literature class.
Spinster
Sylvia Plath
Now this particular girl
During a ceremonious april walk
With her latest suitor
Found herself, of a sudden, intolerably struck
By the birds' irregular babel
And the leaves' litter.
By this tumult afflicted, she
Observed her lover's gestures unbalance the air,
His gait stray uneven
Through a rank wilderness of fern and flower;
She judged petals in disarray,
The whole season, sloven.
How she longed for winter then! --
Scrupulously austere in its order
Of white and black
Ice and rock; each sentiment within border,
And heart's frosty discipline
Exact as a snowflake.
But here -- a burgeoning
Unruly enough to pitch her five queenly wits
Into vulgar motley --
A treason not to be borne; let idiots
Reel giddy in bedlam spring:
She withdrew neatly.
And round her house she set
Such a barricade of barb and check
Against mutinous weather
As no mere insurgent man could hope to break
With curse, fist, threat
Or love, either.
I don't know. It's still sad and lonely. But now, I feel like it's not so bad; people who turn away from love. It's understandable. It's complicated and messy and tiring. And maybe some people just don't want to risk it. But really, I don't know. At the end of the day, it's hard to decide what's worth fighting for.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I finally watched the much-acclaimed Shawshank Redemption.
Once in a while, there comes a truly amazing story. And this is one. I can't even put into words how profound I find it. Every little thing about it just falls into place like a wonderful and meaningful jigsaw. I love the theme of friendship and hope and humanity. And the dialogue is as awesome as candy to me. (Okay, I don't know where that comparison came from, haha.) I always like it when Morgan Freeman narrates.
"Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane."
Ah, hope. Dreams. It's one of those things you know - something that can both hurt and heal. Is it better to live with it, or without it? Or perhaps the key is to have bite-sized hopes? You know, moderated hoping; realistic dreaming. But then, maybe that contradicts the whole point of dreaming, eh. Because what's the point of dreaming when you can't make it as limitless as you wish.
But my gosh, hoping so hard can hurt so bad. Which is why, I guess it's more admirable to chase after dreams. It takes courage and resilience and strength. What is living if we don't dream, some say, right.
At the end of the day, it comes down to a simple choice, eh. "Get busy living, or get busy dying."
Besides, ARASHI! ARASHI! For DREAM! :) haha.
So I shall live and love and hope.
Once in a while, there comes a truly amazing story. And this is one. I can't even put into words how profound I find it. Every little thing about it just falls into place like a wonderful and meaningful jigsaw. I love the theme of friendship and hope and humanity. And the dialogue is as awesome as candy to me. (Okay, I don't know where that comparison came from, haha.) I always like it when Morgan Freeman narrates."Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane."
Ah, hope. Dreams. It's one of those things you know - something that can both hurt and heal. Is it better to live with it, or without it? Or perhaps the key is to have bite-sized hopes? You know, moderated hoping; realistic dreaming. But then, maybe that contradicts the whole point of dreaming, eh. Because what's the point of dreaming when you can't make it as limitless as you wish.
But my gosh, hoping so hard can hurt so bad. Which is why, I guess it's more admirable to chase after dreams. It takes courage and resilience and strength. What is living if we don't dream, some say, right.
At the end of the day, it comes down to a simple choice, eh. "Get busy living, or get busy dying."
Besides, ARASHI! ARASHI! For DREAM! :) haha.
So I shall live and love and hope.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Eventful things have a habit of happening in quick succession. Or so it seems.
First of all, just to get this depressing news out of my way - I have lost my wallet. And all its important contents. EVERYTHING that is important was in it. Including my IC, my NUS matric card (1 year left and this happens!), my NUS EZ-link card, my DBS ATM card, my NLB card which had lasted me since primary school days, my BRAND NEW driving licence :( and more than S$100 cash I got from various people for my birthday. Also, other irreplacable knick-knacks like my ARTBOX membership card, my Videoezy membership card, my username and password for netsurfing at Singapore hotspots (that's it lah, I won't be able to remember them now!), numerous, ancient neoprints and about RM100.
How this happened? Was at Raffles Place MRT station yesterday with sis and sat down on a bench. I just left it on the bench, I think! I realised it when we reached City Hall, and we hurried back as fast as we could, but of course it wasn't there. And no one had turned it in to the control station. I ask you, why aren't there more honest people in this world??? :( I'd only left it for like 10 minutes. I blame my extra sleepiness for my extra blurness, cause I'd only gotten back from Rompin on Friday and hadn't rested enough; had to go out for APEX in the morning too.
Honestly, I just want my personal stuff back. Whoever you are can have the money lah okay. :( I just want the wallet back. My heart aches.
Secondly, yes, I'm back from Rompin! Which was both fun and tiring. As expected, I didn't use my camera because I was too afraid I'd damage it if I brought it into the jungle. I am dependent on the kind souls who have have been snapping away over there to put the pics up on facebook. Then maybe I'll post one or two of them here.
Some memorable things:
- Leech attack! I've got quite a bit of them. They were everywhere and I think everyone got at least one leech. They're not so much painful as they are disgusting. Looking at something sucking your blood is not a pleasant thing. You just want to scream, "GET THEM OFF ME!" Some of them sucked my blood through my pants. -.- So that I had like bloody spots on my knees and calves. And I definitely had several bites on my ankles. I was grateful for the smokers in our group, haha. Someone went like, "Oh, now you love the smokers ah!"
- Caterpillar attack! HAHA, okay, this wasn't really an attack of course. It was the last day and I was packing our tent, then out of the blue, I felt this incredible sting all over my finger, but I couldn't see anything! I tell you, I became like super panicked and started rubbing my finger. It just got redder and itchier. @.@ Then I spotted the caterpillar. It wasn't very big but it was super bristly and it was crawling on the tent pole. Damn you! Luckily the sting went away with a little water and antiseptic cream.
- Syamim the baby bird (named after Syamim, the girl. haha, don't ask me why). This was a little baby bird that fell off its nest near our campsite. And it couldn't fly yet so we played with it. When I can get my hands on a cute photo of it, I will put one here. It was grey and yellow and its mother was grey and red. It was the most adorable bird ever. Smaller than one's palm and extra fluffy. Like a fat snitch. We let it walk around on its own. But the next day, horror of all horrors, we found it dead. It had been stepped on. We were all horrified, like seriously. SO SAD. We made him a little grave.
- Real jungle trekking. No joke, please. We were bashing through fern and battling thick fauna. No surprise that the leeches got at us. Steep inclines and slippery mud too. I don't think I'd ever gotten that filthy before. I was covered in dirt, blood and sweat. O.O
- Trekking to the waterfall! (I can't quite remember its name; Takah Tinggi, maybe?) The trekking wasn't as filthy but it was STEEP (almost 90 degrees in certain places) and oh so energy-sapping. But it was so fun and worth it when we finally reached the waterfall!!! Awesome! We totally just splashed into the water. We had lifevests on, so although it was a bit deep at some corners of the plunge pool, we could enjoy the water. We filled our water bottles with the waterfall water. :P
- Tube rafting! We sat in individual buoys and rode down the rapids! It was a short one actually and the water tide was low, so I kept getting stuck in rocks. So it was a little bit of a letdown.
Okay, will say more if I have photos. :)
First of all, just to get this depressing news out of my way - I have lost my wallet. And all its important contents. EVERYTHING that is important was in it. Including my IC, my NUS matric card (1 year left and this happens!), my NUS EZ-link card, my DBS ATM card, my NLB card which had lasted me since primary school days, my BRAND NEW driving licence :( and more than S$100 cash I got from various people for my birthday. Also, other irreplacable knick-knacks like my ARTBOX membership card, my Videoezy membership card, my username and password for netsurfing at Singapore hotspots (that's it lah, I won't be able to remember them now!), numerous, ancient neoprints and about RM100.
How this happened? Was at Raffles Place MRT station yesterday with sis and sat down on a bench. I just left it on the bench, I think! I realised it when we reached City Hall, and we hurried back as fast as we could, but of course it wasn't there. And no one had turned it in to the control station. I ask you, why aren't there more honest people in this world??? :( I'd only left it for like 10 minutes. I blame my extra sleepiness for my extra blurness, cause I'd only gotten back from Rompin on Friday and hadn't rested enough; had to go out for APEX in the morning too.
Honestly, I just want my personal stuff back. Whoever you are can have the money lah okay. :( I just want the wallet back. My heart aches.
Secondly, yes, I'm back from Rompin! Which was both fun and tiring. As expected, I didn't use my camera because I was too afraid I'd damage it if I brought it into the jungle. I am dependent on the kind souls who have have been snapping away over there to put the pics up on facebook. Then maybe I'll post one or two of them here.
Some memorable things:
- Leech attack! I've got quite a bit of them. They were everywhere and I think everyone got at least one leech. They're not so much painful as they are disgusting. Looking at something sucking your blood is not a pleasant thing. You just want to scream, "GET THEM OFF ME!" Some of them sucked my blood through my pants. -.- So that I had like bloody spots on my knees and calves. And I definitely had several bites on my ankles. I was grateful for the smokers in our group, haha. Someone went like, "Oh, now you love the smokers ah!"
- Caterpillar attack! HAHA, okay, this wasn't really an attack of course. It was the last day and I was packing our tent, then out of the blue, I felt this incredible sting all over my finger, but I couldn't see anything! I tell you, I became like super panicked and started rubbing my finger. It just got redder and itchier. @.@ Then I spotted the caterpillar. It wasn't very big but it was super bristly and it was crawling on the tent pole. Damn you! Luckily the sting went away with a little water and antiseptic cream.
- Syamim the baby bird (named after Syamim, the girl. haha, don't ask me why). This was a little baby bird that fell off its nest near our campsite. And it couldn't fly yet so we played with it. When I can get my hands on a cute photo of it, I will put one here. It was grey and yellow and its mother was grey and red. It was the most adorable bird ever. Smaller than one's palm and extra fluffy. Like a fat snitch. We let it walk around on its own. But the next day, horror of all horrors, we found it dead. It had been stepped on. We were all horrified, like seriously. SO SAD. We made him a little grave.
- Real jungle trekking. No joke, please. We were bashing through fern and battling thick fauna. No surprise that the leeches got at us. Steep inclines and slippery mud too. I don't think I'd ever gotten that filthy before. I was covered in dirt, blood and sweat. O.O
- Trekking to the waterfall! (I can't quite remember its name; Takah Tinggi, maybe?) The trekking wasn't as filthy but it was STEEP (almost 90 degrees in certain places) and oh so energy-sapping. But it was so fun and worth it when we finally reached the waterfall!!! Awesome! We totally just splashed into the water. We had lifevests on, so although it was a bit deep at some corners of the plunge pool, we could enjoy the water. We filled our water bottles with the waterfall water. :P
- Tube rafting! We sat in individual buoys and rode down the rapids! It was a short one actually and the water tide was low, so I kept getting stuck in rocks. So it was a little bit of a letdown.
Okay, will say more if I have photos. :)
Monday, May 11, 2009
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
DONE WITH EXAMS! :DDDD
And this is my last summer break too.
I have not much to blabber on about, except:
Here's where you can go to read HILARIOUS and bad fanfiction summaries ingeniously collected by a fan; there are currently 42 batches dating back to 2005 --> McTabby's Summary Executions
A sampling (the spelling mistakes are not mine):
Charlie Bucket dicovers he is not really a Bucket, but a Wonka. That his parents are really the most unlikely of couples, Willy Wonka and Sirius Black. And that he has a twin sister and he is a wizard.
Dear Miss. Granger, We are sorry to inform you that your parents have perished and that you will live with the Malfoy's, and you will also be resorted. I am really sorry to have to tell you this. Please send yourself and your stuff to the headmaster's office. The Ministry of Magic
It's all really bad plot device. It's like: I'm going to put these two characters together and you can't do anything about it!
And apparently Harry-veela-vampire fanfics are common! LOOK at this:
Harry Potter is a Vepire, a cross between a veela and a vampire. Now, life is about to get confusing, and maybe, just maybe, he will finally find the love he has been looking for.
Oh this one cracked me up:
Harry is tired of all the drama and grief around him - between the recovery of losses in the Last Battle and the regular trials and troubles of a teenager, Harry wants to run, run away, and never have to face this again. At least, he doesn't want to be human anymore - could life be any better as a turtle? Hermione turns him - and herself - into turtles, and Harry suddenly realizes he'd rather be human. The only way to get back to his normal self is to kiss his love, but it has to be of the same species....He doesn't love Hermione, does he?
OH HAHAHA, this one takes the cake:
Harry and Hermione's daughter Herima is going to Hogwarts early but she doesn't know why. Would it have something to do with her wings?
Haha, wings! XD Why would their daughter have wings! And what kind of name is Herima???
Also, there's NEWS wo Abake!!! I love this segment! Where the boys are blindfolded and their voices changed so they become supposedly anonymous and therefore can confess their feelings.
And here are some random photos:
This is us posing in a bathroom at Marina Mandarin Hotel. Kak Shida got free night's stay there and we were basically spazzing at how awesome everything was. The bathroom was amazing and the plasma tv was huge too.
And this is Gobbles. :P
And this is my last summer break too.
I have not much to blabber on about, except:
Here's where you can go to read HILARIOUS and bad fanfiction summaries ingeniously collected by a fan; there are currently 42 batches dating back to 2005 --> McTabby's Summary Executions
A sampling (the spelling mistakes are not mine):
Charlie Bucket dicovers he is not really a Bucket, but a Wonka. That his parents are really the most unlikely of couples, Willy Wonka and Sirius Black. And that he has a twin sister and he is a wizard.
Dear Miss. Granger, We are sorry to inform you that your parents have perished and that you will live with the Malfoy's, and you will also be resorted. I am really sorry to have to tell you this. Please send yourself and your stuff to the headmaster's office. The Ministry of Magic
It's all really bad plot device. It's like: I'm going to put these two characters together and you can't do anything about it!
And apparently Harry-veela-vampire fanfics are common! LOOK at this:
Harry Potter is a Vepire, a cross between a veela and a vampire. Now, life is about to get confusing, and maybe, just maybe, he will finally find the love he has been looking for.
Oh this one cracked me up:
Harry is tired of all the drama and grief around him - between the recovery of losses in the Last Battle and the regular trials and troubles of a teenager, Harry wants to run, run away, and never have to face this again. At least, he doesn't want to be human anymore - could life be any better as a turtle? Hermione turns him - and herself - into turtles, and Harry suddenly realizes he'd rather be human. The only way to get back to his normal self is to kiss his love, but it has to be of the same species....He doesn't love Hermione, does he?
OH HAHAHA, this one takes the cake:
Harry and Hermione's daughter Herima is going to Hogwarts early but she doesn't know why. Would it have something to do with her wings?
Haha, wings! XD Why would their daughter have wings! And what kind of name is Herima???
Also, there's NEWS wo Abake!!! I love this segment! Where the boys are blindfolded and their voices changed so they become supposedly anonymous and therefore can confess their feelings.
And here are some random photos:
This is us posing in a bathroom at Marina Mandarin Hotel. Kak Shida got free night's stay there and we were basically spazzing at how awesome everything was. The bathroom was amazing and the plasma tv was huge too.
And this is Gobbles. :P
Monday, May 04, 2009
Official announcement for NEWS as 24 Hour TV hosts! Koyama and Shige sitting in the front row, flanking Yamapi is definitely non-accidental. Haha. They're the two that speak the best in the group. Ah, watching this makes me feel nervous for them. How will they compare with their senpais! :S scary.
---
Lately, I've been thinking that I can't seem to blog properly. My english is becoming increasingly whacked, and I rarely end up conveying what I mean. Although, as always, I go through life and encounter times where I think, "Ah, this is a blog-worthy moment!", I just find it really hard to portray my feelings. More now. Maybe it's like what I discussed with Eunice - my thoughts and emotions are even more complex and muddled now that untangling them takes up too much effort. -_- It's really tiring at times to blog. Although I want to, I want to.
Temporary solution for lack of writing motivation: blogging list-like!
1) Siblings bought me the complete DVD set for Cardcaptor Sakura (one of my favourite animes ever)! XD They did say it was rather "inappropriate" a birthday gift for a 22-year-old, but they knew I'd love it anyway. I already started watching some episodes and gosh, it's nostalgic - SYAORAN! <3
2) This past saturday night, we went to Marina Mandarin Hotel to visit Kak Shida who'd gotten a complimentary stay as part of her work. The hotel is just AWESOME. Sis and me were nutty and squealy enough to take photos in the bathroom.
3)In the car, my brother attached his iPod to the speakers and started pretending to be a DJ, while the rest of my family pretended to call in for song requests. >.< It was all amusing, to say the least. Then my mum actually "called in" and made a birthday dedication to me - wishing me happiness and that I'd find my future partner and other sappy stuff - and my brother cranked up the volume on Click Five's 'Happy Birthday'. <3 At moments like that, I always feel like my family is surely the best in the world.
4) I think I finally really want my own mp3 player. Just so I can listen to JE away from my comp! haha.
5) My brother is insisting we watch a movie at GV's Gold Class Theatre at least once a year. The ticket costs approximately $36. MAD. But I'm actually considering it for the HP6 movie.
6) One exam paper left: Drug Design module! :S
---
Lately, I've been thinking that I can't seem to blog properly. My english is becoming increasingly whacked, and I rarely end up conveying what I mean. Although, as always, I go through life and encounter times where I think, "Ah, this is a blog-worthy moment!", I just find it really hard to portray my feelings. More now. Maybe it's like what I discussed with Eunice - my thoughts and emotions are even more complex and muddled now that untangling them takes up too much effort. -_- It's really tiring at times to blog. Although I want to, I want to.
Temporary solution for lack of writing motivation: blogging list-like!
1) Siblings bought me the complete DVD set for Cardcaptor Sakura (one of my favourite animes ever)! XD They did say it was rather "inappropriate" a birthday gift for a 22-year-old, but they knew I'd love it anyway. I already started watching some episodes and gosh, it's nostalgic - SYAORAN! <3
2) This past saturday night, we went to Marina Mandarin Hotel to visit Kak Shida who'd gotten a complimentary stay as part of her work. The hotel is just AWESOME. Sis and me were nutty and squealy enough to take photos in the bathroom.
3)In the car, my brother attached his iPod to the speakers and started pretending to be a DJ, while the rest of my family pretended to call in for song requests. >.< It was all amusing, to say the least. Then my mum actually "called in" and made a birthday dedication to me - wishing me happiness and that I'd find my future partner and other sappy stuff - and my brother cranked up the volume on Click Five's 'Happy Birthday'. <3 At moments like that, I always feel like my family is surely the best in the world.
4) I think I finally really want my own mp3 player. Just so I can listen to JE away from my comp! haha.
5) My brother is insisting we watch a movie at GV's Gold Class Theatre at least once a year. The ticket costs approximately $36. MAD. But I'm actually considering it for the HP6 movie.
6) One exam paper left: Drug Design module! :S
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Considering I have two papers tomorrow - whoops, I mean later today, I had a great birthday. Woke up feeling upset about my laptop's power cord that kind of frayed and refused to function as a wire should function. I couldn't power up my comp at all as a result. I tried to study depite being depressed. Then my family called and said they had picked up our new family car (a brown/grey/"purple" Honda Civic) and wanted to have lunch. And I just couldn't say no.
So I traipsed off from home and joined my family for lunch at Waroeng Penyet. How awesome is it that I got to eat at my two favourite places yesterday - Hei Sushi - and today - Penyet? :) Then we went to Tampines1 for a while where I tried to find replacement for power cord at Challenger. Challenger didn't have it so I went to Funnan Centre with daddy and found it! :)
I received nice wishes from wonderful people like Jiawen and Bubu and Kaktiyah and Cik Nah and Ahmad and Aunty Jah. Shweta even called me up. Mumu gave me a singing chimpanzee via sms. YuJie was super awesome for being the first one to wish me happy birthday (12.01 am) although she's far away in London. She sent me a text message! @.@ I really didn't expect one from her. My sister dedicated a post on her LJ, but it's F-locked, so.
Of course, like I said, I already celebrated everything prematurely on Tuesday, with Eunice:
We had sushi, as per our usual. And I got a card from all the birds together!
The birds gave me The Fire Kimono! A book I've been meaning to buy for a while now. So yay. :)
So I traipsed off from home and joined my family for lunch at Waroeng Penyet. How awesome is it that I got to eat at my two favourite places yesterday - Hei Sushi - and today - Penyet? :) Then we went to Tampines1 for a while where I tried to find replacement for power cord at Challenger. Challenger didn't have it so I went to Funnan Centre with daddy and found it! :)
I received nice wishes from wonderful people like Jiawen and Bubu and Kaktiyah and Cik Nah and Ahmad and Aunty Jah. Shweta even called me up. Mumu gave me a singing chimpanzee via sms. YuJie was super awesome for being the first one to wish me happy birthday (12.01 am) although she's far away in London. She sent me a text message! @.@ I really didn't expect one from her. My sister dedicated a post on her LJ, but it's F-locked, so.
Of course, like I said, I already celebrated everything prematurely on Tuesday, with Eunice:
We had sushi, as per our usual. And I got a card from all the birds together!
The birds gave me The Fire Kimono! A book I've been meaning to buy for a while now. So yay. :)NEWS gave me one of the best presents for being the group hosting 24 hour tv this year! YAY. SO HAPPY. NEWS finally hosting a show! (even if it is a one-off thing) Exciting desu. XD Also, they released Koi no ABO on my birthday, and it shot straight to number one! so now NEWS has 11 singles which hit number 1. Yay. I am proud to be a fan.
NEWS on Hey!Hey!Hey! on 27th April
NEWS on Hey!Hey!Hey! on 27th April
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Got my birthday surprise from the birds today. (: THANK YOU. <3 x 100000000.
Eunice called me out for lunch, so we had sushi for the millionth time. Before that, we had tea/coffee at Ehub's Teasire Cafe (or something like that) where I copied off Eunice's drug design lecture notes. That took like two hours. Then we moved to Hei Sushi for lunch. And we sat for hours there. I got my present and card!
The card is especially wonderful because it travelled from London to Hong Kong to Singapore via post, before it finally reached me. I took photos of the card but my camera just died on me, so I have zero pictures right now. -.- It's amazing how I feel like all of us were there to celebrate although we're so far apart.
They gave me the latest installment of the Sano Ichiro series, which I've been searching for a long time! The Fire Kimono. :) Love it, guys. Love it.
Okay, I'll blog properly when it's really my birthday tomorrow.
Eunice called me out for lunch, so we had sushi for the millionth time. Before that, we had tea/coffee at Ehub's Teasire Cafe (or something like that) where I copied off Eunice's drug design lecture notes. That took like two hours. Then we moved to Hei Sushi for lunch. And we sat for hours there. I got my present and card!
The card is especially wonderful because it travelled from London to Hong Kong to Singapore via post, before it finally reached me. I took photos of the card but my camera just died on me, so I have zero pictures right now. -.- It's amazing how I feel like all of us were there to celebrate although we're so far apart.
They gave me the latest installment of the Sano Ichiro series, which I've been searching for a long time! The Fire Kimono. :) Love it, guys. Love it.
Okay, I'll blog properly when it's really my birthday tomorrow.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Ah, I've missed NEWS! :D Shige and Koyama can totally host their own show already. They blabber on so much. Can NEWS please have their own show.
Yamapi actually did Nobuta Power chuunyu! HAHA. He did Hallelujah Chance too. And his hair was actually still decent in the winter con here. For the Music Station Koi no ABO performance, his hair was like - WHAT. SERIOUSLY. Super curly and he used a hairband?! O.o Please. Where is your nice, straight, dark hair?
---
Last night we had liqa' as usual, and then we had late night supper with Ami Omar's family at Ya Salam. And discussed much. About religion again. And how us cousins should go to Japan, if not US, for that cousin trip we've been dreaming up for years. I wonder if it'll ever happen.
Yamapi actually did Nobuta Power chuunyu! HAHA. He did Hallelujah Chance too. And his hair was actually still decent in the winter con here. For the Music Station Koi no ABO performance, his hair was like - WHAT. SERIOUSLY. Super curly and he used a hairband?! O.o Please. Where is your nice, straight, dark hair?
---
Last night we had liqa' as usual, and then we had late night supper with Ami Omar's family at Ya Salam. And discussed much. About religion again. And how us cousins should go to Japan, if not US, for that cousin trip we've been dreaming up for years. I wonder if it'll ever happen.
Friday, April 24, 2009
I finally watched the first episode of Atashinchi no Danshi with subs, and I love it! :D The second brother, Takeru, is so far the funniest; his lines are laugh-out-loud funny. And the little kid is cuuute. And Maki - gah. I just love her to pieces. The whole premise is rather wonky and mad but totally interesting. I can't wait to see what happens. :D nya nya nya! (In the spirit of Sho's version of a cat. Haha, that episode of Shukudai totally got me.)
I'm only 10% done with my incremental learning report due today :S (I am a danger to myself) but I am having so much fun with my primary school class page on facebook! XD OHGOSH. Qiaonan primary really was my childhood, untainted. Then came RG, and everything um, sort of crumbled. Haha. Not that I had no fun at all in RGS or RJ, but my primary school class was the absolute best. Absolute absolute best. Basically cause I think we grew up together. And did so many stupid things together. And everyone was real; I don't know how else to describe it. And we stayed together for the better part of 6 years. I love everyone there, I think.
We got almost everyone already!!! 31 people!! :DDDD
ohgosh. I love qps. I get happy tingly feelings of nostalgia. I remember absolute random things that are so special. Like brushing our teeth after recess at the back of the canteen. Adibah buying me my first birthday present from a friend. Haha, I still remember it. A pencil. Running around in class and planning surprises for Mrs Choo. The Catching Club (whichI wasn't a part of), founded by Daryl - they played catching EVERY recess time. And then I remember Adibah wanted to have our own club, so we started Kidz Club. Like WHAT THE HELL IS THAT. HAHA. And we made magazines and everything!! XD Although I can't remember what we actually wrote about. And I remember Chin Seng was part of this club too and would do all the illustrations. And I remember that Firdaus was cutest Malay boy. Wei Liang was cutest boy, period - someone even mentioned it in facebook. Haha. And I was short (no surprise), second only to Adibah. And Bryan, the shortest boy! Muaha. Nothing can possibly match that homely feeling of qps. Everybody knew everybody else. It really feels like a hometown school of some sort, before we all ventured out into the real Singapore. And this facebook group only confirms that we all feel somewhat the same way. (:
We got almost everyone already!!! 31 people!! :DDDD
ohgosh. I love qps. I get happy tingly feelings of nostalgia. I remember absolute random things that are so special. Like brushing our teeth after recess at the back of the canteen. Adibah buying me my first birthday present from a friend. Haha, I still remember it. A pencil. Running around in class and planning surprises for Mrs Choo. The Catching Club (whichI wasn't a part of), founded by Daryl - they played catching EVERY recess time. And then I remember Adibah wanted to have our own club, so we started Kidz Club. Like WHAT THE HELL IS THAT. HAHA. And we made magazines and everything!! XD Although I can't remember what we actually wrote about. And I remember Chin Seng was part of this club too and would do all the illustrations. And I remember that Firdaus was cutest Malay boy. Wei Liang was cutest boy, period - someone even mentioned it in facebook. Haha. And I was short (no surprise), second only to Adibah. And Bryan, the shortest boy! Muaha. Nothing can possibly match that homely feeling of qps. Everybody knew everybody else. It really feels like a hometown school of some sort, before we all ventured out into the real Singapore. And this facebook group only confirms that we all feel somewhat the same way. (:
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Been watching vids again. Although I should be studying or working. -.- Here's one where Ustaz Khalid Yasin speaks about women in Islam. =) Part of the reason my faith in Islam is so strong is because I can find no other institution or system that protects women as much as Islam does.
Here's another one. He speaks for all the irritation I feel when people think that, you know, poor Muslim girls are being oppressed and are likely daft or stg and have to be made to suffer. No, my dad did not force me to wear the tudung, I assure you, although even my Muslim friends would think so. I chose to do it myself when I was 11 and even my relatives were shocked, and said that it was okay if I didn't wear it. It really is irritating. There's this stupid assumption that modernity comes with the way we dress, instead of what's in our brains.
When I was in human relations class and we'd have all those heated discussions about controversial issues, I think everyone could tell I'm a conservative. I mean, even for our project presentation, I played the role of the conservative Singaporean heartlander. I'm fine with it. I try to be a good Muslim and if that labels me as a conservative (although I don't like these labels), so be it. But what I get irritated with is this idea that if I'm conservative, then surely, my ideas about women are backward. Like, I can't be conservative and feminist at the same time, although 'feminist' may not be the label I like to use here. Like it's a given - if people are not what is termed 'liberal', then they're not pro-woman or stg. It's really stupid. Which woman does not want respect and equality for women??? I just feel that feminists, the really extreme feminist types, have a misplaced idea about equality for women. We don't want to be like men, do we? We just want to be respected as much as men. Equal but not the same, you know? We want to be respected as women. Sigh. I think the world is largely confused about everything.
Here's a little from my Human Relations exam paper: we were supposed to comment on the articles. They're quite interesting.
So while “pro-choice” feminists hail abortion as the symbol of women’s sexual freedom and equality, the ordinary young woman may find no such liberation when she has sex with her date, thinking, as women are prone to do, that sex will bind the two emotionally. Instead, when he doesn’t share the depth of her feelings and then hands her $400 for the abortion when she becomes pregnant, it’s not only her heart that’s broken. She alone has to live with the possible short-term and long-term medical consequences of the abortion for the rest of her life. For many women, “reproductive freedom” has meant that women continue to negotiate all that comes with reproduction while men enjoy the freedom of sex without consequences.
The victimization felt by such a large majority of women who undergo abortions, though not appreciated or even recognized by today’s “pro-choice” feminist, was acutely foreseen by an earlier generation of feminists. America’s pioneering feminists, who fought for the right to vote and fair treatment in the workplace, were uniformly against abortion because they recognized it as an attack on women as women—those uniquely endowed with the ability to bear children. While these pioneering feminists endured the painstaking fight to change male-dominated political and economic institutions, the “pro-choice” feminists of the 1970s and today instead sought to change the very nature of women, convincing many of them that, if they’re to be equal to men, they must simply become like men.
~ How Abortion Hurts Women: The Hard Truth, by Erika Bachiochi
Here's another one. He speaks for all the irritation I feel when people think that, you know, poor Muslim girls are being oppressed and are likely daft or stg and have to be made to suffer. No, my dad did not force me to wear the tudung, I assure you, although even my Muslim friends would think so. I chose to do it myself when I was 11 and even my relatives were shocked, and said that it was okay if I didn't wear it. It really is irritating. There's this stupid assumption that modernity comes with the way we dress, instead of what's in our brains.
When I was in human relations class and we'd have all those heated discussions about controversial issues, I think everyone could tell I'm a conservative. I mean, even for our project presentation, I played the role of the conservative Singaporean heartlander. I'm fine with it. I try to be a good Muslim and if that labels me as a conservative (although I don't like these labels), so be it. But what I get irritated with is this idea that if I'm conservative, then surely, my ideas about women are backward. Like, I can't be conservative and feminist at the same time, although 'feminist' may not be the label I like to use here. Like it's a given - if people are not what is termed 'liberal', then they're not pro-woman or stg. It's really stupid. Which woman does not want respect and equality for women??? I just feel that feminists, the really extreme feminist types, have a misplaced idea about equality for women. We don't want to be like men, do we? We just want to be respected as much as men. Equal but not the same, you know? We want to be respected as women. Sigh. I think the world is largely confused about everything.
Here's a little from my Human Relations exam paper: we were supposed to comment on the articles. They're quite interesting.
So while “pro-choice” feminists hail abortion as the symbol of women’s sexual freedom and equality, the ordinary young woman may find no such liberation when she has sex with her date, thinking, as women are prone to do, that sex will bind the two emotionally. Instead, when he doesn’t share the depth of her feelings and then hands her $400 for the abortion when she becomes pregnant, it’s not only her heart that’s broken. She alone has to live with the possible short-term and long-term medical consequences of the abortion for the rest of her life. For many women, “reproductive freedom” has meant that women continue to negotiate all that comes with reproduction while men enjoy the freedom of sex without consequences.
The victimization felt by such a large majority of women who undergo abortions, though not appreciated or even recognized by today’s “pro-choice” feminist, was acutely foreseen by an earlier generation of feminists. America’s pioneering feminists, who fought for the right to vote and fair treatment in the workplace, were uniformly against abortion because they recognized it as an attack on women as women—those uniquely endowed with the ability to bear children. While these pioneering feminists endured the painstaking fight to change male-dominated political and economic institutions, the “pro-choice” feminists of the 1970s and today instead sought to change the very nature of women, convincing many of them that, if they’re to be equal to men, they must simply become like men.
~ How Abortion Hurts Women: The Hard Truth, by Erika Bachiochi
OMG SPIDERMAN WAS AT NUS LIBRARY??? HAHAHAHAHA. XD Several students have posted the video on youtube and it is funny! HAHA. Wish I could have been there to witness it myself. Maybe it was some weird psychology-related project? Or maybe a stunt by OSA to supposedly help students with destressing this mugging period?
HAHA. NUS knows how to have fun too, I guess.
But I should start on my work. :S
HAHA. NUS knows how to have fun too, I guess.
But I should start on my work. :S
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The new HP6 movie trailer! :D There's Harry/Draco action, pretty special effects and it all looks potentially awesome.
There was a time when things like this was enough.
I am plagued by stupid big questions. I think there are some people like me who keep getting obsessed about understanding the big picture, that they forget to care about the little details. And because of that... it feels like I've missed out on a lot.
Oh life, tell me what I'm missing out on.
In my muddle of a brain, I keep picturing my life like a bounded lawn, and I keep peeking over to look at other people's lawns. "Oh, that person's grass looks greener!" And I don't think it's jealousy per se. I mean, I'm not about to climb over the fences that separate us and take over someone else's lawn. It's more like... confusion. Have I tended my lawn enough? What am I doing wrong? I love my lawn, but I keep wondering... if something's wrong.
Oh, the pressures of conformity! Don't you think that without it, we'd be more free to love with all our hearts?
You know, somebody should just stop me from blogging. -.- I don't make sense half the time, and the other half, I'm just spazzing. Randomness should be my middle name.
There was a time when things like this was enough.
I am plagued by stupid big questions. I think there are some people like me who keep getting obsessed about understanding the big picture, that they forget to care about the little details. And because of that... it feels like I've missed out on a lot.
Oh life, tell me what I'm missing out on.
In my muddle of a brain, I keep picturing my life like a bounded lawn, and I keep peeking over to look at other people's lawns. "Oh, that person's grass looks greener!" And I don't think it's jealousy per se. I mean, I'm not about to climb over the fences that separate us and take over someone else's lawn. It's more like... confusion. Have I tended my lawn enough? What am I doing wrong? I love my lawn, but I keep wondering... if something's wrong.
Oh, the pressures of conformity! Don't you think that without it, we'd be more free to love with all our hearts?
You know, somebody should just stop me from blogging. -.- I don't make sense half the time, and the other half, I'm just spazzing. Randomness should be my middle name.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Projects driving me nuts. Then a moment ago, started watching adorable owls on youtube instead! They are seriously CUTE. They are furry and they sit in the grass! XD
And then Eunice brought up Scotland, of course. And this is a mad convo.
Eunice: I wanna go to Scotland.
Me: do you think we'd be able to spot cute animals!! but I'd be scared of wolves etc
Eunice: WOLVES? Haha
Me: I mean, if we could spot cute animals, we could spot scary ones! like bears or stg! or mountain lions! are there those? HAHA
Eunice: Leopards!
Me: GAH!
Eunice: Will there be tree leopards? I want!!
Me: Eunice. SCARY! DO YOU WANT TO DIE
Eunice: As long as we don't make threatening moves towards them...
Me: SERIOUSLY O.O
Eunice: How often do you hear about animals mauling people to death in Scotland
Me: but still! I want to enjoy my graduation trip, not kill myself, thank you.
Eunice: HAHA I don't think we'll see any, actually
Me: If we see a tree leopard, we are running away!
Eunice: Not before taking loads of photos.
And then Eunice brought up Scotland, of course. And this is a mad convo.
Eunice: I wanna go to Scotland.
Me: do you think we'd be able to spot cute animals!! but I'd be scared of wolves etc
Eunice: WOLVES? Haha
Me: I mean, if we could spot cute animals, we could spot scary ones! like bears or stg! or mountain lions! are there those? HAHA
Eunice: Leopards!
Me: GAH!
Eunice: Will there be tree leopards? I want!!
Me: Eunice. SCARY! DO YOU WANT TO DIE
Eunice: As long as we don't make threatening moves towards them...
Me: SERIOUSLY O.O
Eunice: How often do you hear about animals mauling people to death in Scotland
Me: but still! I want to enjoy my graduation trip, not kill myself, thank you.
Eunice: HAHA I don't think we'll see any, actually
Me: If we see a tree leopard, we are running away!
Eunice: Not before taking loads of photos.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
It's Tuesday of last week of sem. It's been crazy. And it will remain crazy all the way till Sunday. BUT I CAN DO THIS! I SHALL SURVIVE!
Rapidminer Drug Design project is super mad. We can't run our programs due to lack of computer RAM and so now... GAH. An entire section on feature selection thrown out.
I should sleep. Inspiration only comes to those with a clear mind anyway. 'Night!
Rapidminer Drug Design project is super mad. We can't run our programs due to lack of computer RAM and so now... GAH. An entire section on feature selection thrown out.
I should sleep. Inspiration only comes to those with a clear mind anyway. 'Night!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
It's so irritating. I hate how any form of anger I feel just keeps getting transformed into hurt like some unstoppable math equation, and I fail to vent my anger in any satisfying manner. It's like the urge to rage is always quickly buried under the urge to huddle and cry. It's UGGGHHHH! In the end, no matter what, I am the one always feeling horrid, and the injustice of it just maddens me.
Like the other night when I came back home after dinner with some friends, and I found the house pitch black and empty and I'd realised the entire family had gone to watch a movie without telling, and a movie that I'd badly wanted to see too, I felt so angry. How inconsiderate and thoughtless the whole thing was. And I remember thinking, 'I haven't felt so angry in a long time'. But looking back, I think it was more the fact that there was no one around; lack of inhibition allowed me to feel my anger. And for once, you know, I could slam the door. And just let go.
Ah sigh. I swear, I should buy some cheap china and have a corner for plate-breaking.
Like the other night when I came back home after dinner with some friends, and I found the house pitch black and empty and I'd realised the entire family had gone to watch a movie without telling, and a movie that I'd badly wanted to see too, I felt so angry. How inconsiderate and thoughtless the whole thing was. And I remember thinking, 'I haven't felt so angry in a long time'. But looking back, I think it was more the fact that there was no one around; lack of inhibition allowed me to feel my anger. And for once, you know, I could slam the door. And just let go.
Ah sigh. I swear, I should buy some cheap china and have a corner for plate-breaking.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
I've been meaning to say how much I love my friends. Then this coincidentally (or not) came along via post yesterday:
(okay, I can't seem to rotate this image, maybe you can tilt your head to read. :P)
Duck sent me another set of Arashi vids to watch as an early birthday present! I was so happy when I got home last night and saw the familiar puffy package that normally comes from her. I actually did a hoppity-twirly sort of dance. SO HAPPY. (I love you, and thank you!) I really love snail mail.
And yes, I spent some of last night watching hilarious Arashi stuff. Was laughing so hard!!! I love the kindergarten GnoArashi episode. XD CRACKED ME UP TO NO END. And eeeeeeeps!!! So many episodes of Tokyo Friend Park!!!
I <3 my friends.
I was thinking the other day about that phrase A friend in need is a friend indeed. I'd always wondered about it before. And earlier, I supposed it meant that, when you help a friend, you can only look forward to help in return, and that's how friendship blossoms. I suppose that's true. But more recently I've realised you can look at it a different way. Some people, and I categorise myself in this group, don't ever, ever, ask for help, unless truly desperate. And even then, they ask a select people. And so when they ask for help, it is from a friend. And not just any friend either; it's a friend they know they can trust. So, when someone comes up to me and sincerely asks for help, I get it now why I feel like it's impossible to refuse. Because you know people don't just ask anyone for help. When someone asks for your help, that's when someone looks at you as a true friend. And if you don't recognise that, damn, I say.
(okay, I can't seem to rotate this image, maybe you can tilt your head to read. :P)Duck sent me another set of Arashi vids to watch as an early birthday present! I was so happy when I got home last night and saw the familiar puffy package that normally comes from her. I actually did a hoppity-twirly sort of dance. SO HAPPY. (I love you, and thank you!) I really love snail mail.
And yes, I spent some of last night watching hilarious Arashi stuff. Was laughing so hard!!! I love the kindergarten GnoArashi episode. XD CRACKED ME UP TO NO END. And eeeeeeeps!!! So many episodes of Tokyo Friend Park!!!
I <3 my friends.
I was thinking the other day about that phrase A friend in need is a friend indeed. I'd always wondered about it before. And earlier, I supposed it meant that, when you help a friend, you can only look forward to help in return, and that's how friendship blossoms. I suppose that's true. But more recently I've realised you can look at it a different way. Some people, and I categorise myself in this group, don't ever, ever, ask for help, unless truly desperate. And even then, they ask a select people. And so when they ask for help, it is from a friend. And not just any friend either; it's a friend they know they can trust. So, when someone comes up to me and sincerely asks for help, I get it now why I feel like it's impossible to refuse. Because you know people don't just ask anyone for help. When someone asks for your help, that's when someone looks at you as a true friend. And if you don't recognise that, damn, I say.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
If you've talked to me at all recently, you'll know how nuts my schedule is these last two weeks of semester. Multiple projects (a total of 5 term projects + 2 assignments) due on the same days, and multiple presentations. :S Needless to say, all of it is nerve-wrecking. But I wonder if it is my new-found adult confidence that keeps me from falling to pieces. I am constantly surprised by my lack of hyperventilation.
Don't get me wrong. There are moments of pure panic. (Haha.) Like yesterday, when I met Eunice, and started prattling to her about the things I have yet to get done -- I was quickly morphing into this @.@ and my breath kept getting stuck somewhere. And then later in the night after class, when I talked to Raphael (super-student who does one million tasks simultaneously), I felt like hyperventilating again when he asked if the state of all my projects was as bad as Human Relations that we had together.
Yes? Most of them are in a rather shabby, uncompiled, all-over-the-place mess.
But you know, when I'm alone and thinking, I actually feel okay. Maybe I'm deluded. :P Maybe it's my brain's way of self-defence, to keep me deluded about the hot boiling soup I'm in. Or maybe I have truly grown up and being depressed about stupid homework and assignments and projects is just too childish for me now. Didn't Lymond say something like, only immaturity boggles at the sad face of failure?
Or maybe you know. I've gained an unshakeable perspective on things. Because, crap, in the bigger scheme of things; in the truly, truly, truly bigger and universal scheme of things -- all I'm going through in NUS and the rat-race world in general are but peanuts. Peanuts, okay. Sure, I love learning about biology and how mathematics figures into the study of DNA and proteins (math is my favourite module currently, and amazingly so) but at the end of the day, if you ask me, the knowledge I truly treasure isn't this. My life has completely and wonderfully shifted its center and focus. The priceless knowledge about Allah and Rasul, I think, is the one I treat as truly miraculous and has kept me steadfast, somehow, and if everything else should crumble to the depths of the Earth, I will still feel okay. (:
That being said, I still can't abandon ship. All this does matter in its own way. And so, ganbarimasu! X) These two weeks will be fine.
I have bioinformatics meeting later today and I realise that yay, I have the car! Well, more like my brother has the car, so he can drive me. And I'll stop by the Central Library to watch a documentary for my human relations project.
Moving on to fandom for a bit: I am starting to really, really like Arashi's Believe. I didn't think I would! But I've had the song on repeat for a while now and there's something about it that keeps me wanting more. Sho and Aiba look good in the PV; Jun's hair is just ughhhh( and why is he wearing that bow?!); Nino looks like he's aged somehow; but Ohno is the same as ever.
Did I say Sho looked good in the video? He really does. I'm starting to love Sho a lot lately. I think I like guys in formal shirt-wear. :P
I've also listened to NEWS' new single called Koi no ABO and SIGH. -__- So far, I'm disappointed. It sounds more like a KATTUN song; it isn't catchy and just noisy. I'm hoping I'll change my mind about it over time, maybe when the PV comes out. For me, it's been downhill since NEWS released Summertime last year. Can we have nice songs, please!!! This is only feeding my theory that NEWS is the most neglected JE group. What with Pi complaining in his jweb about how he feels useless.
Okay, am back to work. :S The upside of all this is that it'll zoom by really fast and the next thing I know, it'll be the summer break and YAY THE SPRING DRAMAS. :D
Don't get me wrong. There are moments of pure panic. (Haha.) Like yesterday, when I met Eunice, and started prattling to her about the things I have yet to get done -- I was quickly morphing into this @.@ and my breath kept getting stuck somewhere. And then later in the night after class, when I talked to Raphael (super-student who does one million tasks simultaneously), I felt like hyperventilating again when he asked if the state of all my projects was as bad as Human Relations that we had together.
Yes? Most of them are in a rather shabby, uncompiled, all-over-the-place mess.
But you know, when I'm alone and thinking, I actually feel okay. Maybe I'm deluded. :P Maybe it's my brain's way of self-defence, to keep me deluded about the hot boiling soup I'm in. Or maybe I have truly grown up and being depressed about stupid homework and assignments and projects is just too childish for me now. Didn't Lymond say something like, only immaturity boggles at the sad face of failure?
Or maybe you know. I've gained an unshakeable perspective on things. Because, crap, in the bigger scheme of things; in the truly, truly, truly bigger and universal scheme of things -- all I'm going through in NUS and the rat-race world in general are but peanuts. Peanuts, okay. Sure, I love learning about biology and how mathematics figures into the study of DNA and proteins (math is my favourite module currently, and amazingly so) but at the end of the day, if you ask me, the knowledge I truly treasure isn't this. My life has completely and wonderfully shifted its center and focus. The priceless knowledge about Allah and Rasul, I think, is the one I treat as truly miraculous and has kept me steadfast, somehow, and if everything else should crumble to the depths of the Earth, I will still feel okay. (:
That being said, I still can't abandon ship. All this does matter in its own way. And so, ganbarimasu! X) These two weeks will be fine.
I have bioinformatics meeting later today and I realise that yay, I have the car! Well, more like my brother has the car, so he can drive me. And I'll stop by the Central Library to watch a documentary for my human relations project.
Moving on to fandom for a bit: I am starting to really, really like Arashi's Believe. I didn't think I would! But I've had the song on repeat for a while now and there's something about it that keeps me wanting more. Sho and Aiba look good in the PV; Jun's hair is just ughhhh( and why is he wearing that bow?!); Nino looks like he's aged somehow; but Ohno is the same as ever.
Did I say Sho looked good in the video? He really does. I'm starting to love Sho a lot lately. I think I like guys in formal shirt-wear. :P
I've also listened to NEWS' new single called Koi no ABO and SIGH. -__- So far, I'm disappointed. It sounds more like a KATTUN song; it isn't catchy and just noisy. I'm hoping I'll change my mind about it over time, maybe when the PV comes out. For me, it's been downhill since NEWS released Summertime last year. Can we have nice songs, please!!! This is only feeding my theory that NEWS is the most neglected JE group. What with Pi complaining in his jweb about how he feels useless.
Okay, am back to work. :S The upside of all this is that it'll zoom by really fast and the next thing I know, it'll be the summer break and YAY THE SPRING DRAMAS. :D
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
I've been returning to HP a little lately. Here's the sixth movie trailer! It really looks quite promising. I think David Yates did a good job with the fifth movie; it wasn't absolutely perfect but overall, it made the best HP adaptation so far. The 6th movie makes me excited.
Danny Gokey sang What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts on American Idol tonight. And that song remains one of my favourite songs ever. I just love it so much. And so I went hunting online for their music video. Except youtube doesn't really have a nice upload of it and there are mainly tons of fanvids with this song, because people love it so much. And I decided on one of 1 Litre of Tears. Because the mood of the series matches the sadness of the song, I guess. And besides, Haruto/Aya is a tragic OTP. Warning though: this has tons of spoilers.
Danny Gokey sang What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts on American Idol tonight. And that song remains one of my favourite songs ever. I just love it so much. And so I went hunting online for their music video. Except youtube doesn't really have a nice upload of it and there are mainly tons of fanvids with this song, because people love it so much. And I decided on one of 1 Litre of Tears. Because the mood of the series matches the sadness of the song, I guess. And besides, Haruto/Aya is a tragic OTP. Warning though: this has tons of spoilers.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
XD ItteQ (the amazingly funny variety show that Tegoshi features in and where they visit obscure but interesting places around the world) appeared on the American news!!! MAN. I think this variety show totally rocks. They're making their mark all over the world.
Also, friends, if there are any of you out there, help me do a short survey on Cohabitation for my USP Human Relations class? Pretty please? Go here. Thank you. :)))
Also, friends, if there are any of you out there, help me do a short survey on Cohabitation for my USP Human Relations class? Pretty please? Go here. Thank you. :)))
D: I am having a revolution of the mind. These past few days have been mind-blowing. And I find myself tongue-tied to even begin explaining anything. It started off with the Arrivals (Thanks, Hudy.) and now I'm watching and learning so many appalling yet perfectly reasonable explanations of the state of the world, and I am brain-scrambled. Brain-scrambled and scared. Really scared.
I watched another lecture, by a Shaikh Imran Hosein: here. (Click on the other parts to get the whole lecture.) "Can someone explain to me this strange relationship between the United States and Israel?" Really. And Obama. :( How can I trust this man. The deception of everything in today's world. :S
The way the pieces of information have come together like a beautifully constructed jigsaw boggles me and I feel like bursting into tears at random moments of the day at the sheer magnitude of it all. By this time, if you're still reading this, you'll think I'm a complete nutcase who's having a repeat life crisis of some sort. >.< But this has nothing to do with insignificant me whatsoever. For once, I'm not distraught or raving about my personal likes and dislikes; but am contemplating the big picture. And in the words of my sister, "Macam mana ni!" :(
I put my faith and hope in Allah and Rasul. May we all see true beauty some day.
I watched another lecture, by a Shaikh Imran Hosein: here. (Click on the other parts to get the whole lecture.) "Can someone explain to me this strange relationship between the United States and Israel?" Really. And Obama. :( How can I trust this man. The deception of everything in today's world. :S
The way the pieces of information have come together like a beautifully constructed jigsaw boggles me and I feel like bursting into tears at random moments of the day at the sheer magnitude of it all. By this time, if you're still reading this, you'll think I'm a complete nutcase who's having a repeat life crisis of some sort. >.< But this has nothing to do with insignificant me whatsoever. For once, I'm not distraught or raving about my personal likes and dislikes; but am contemplating the big picture. And in the words of my sister, "Macam mana ni!" :(
I put my faith and hope in Allah and Rasul. May we all see true beauty some day.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
I'm breaking my hiatus. Because this is just too personally significant for me.
Friday night, I went out with Hudy, and we talked a great deal. About religion and faith and truths. And fate. And about the whole youtube video series called The Arrivals (where the Dajjal/Anti-Christ and the sickness of humanity are heavily discussed).
And what with tonight's amazing lecture at liqa'; I feel overwhelmed. Seriously overwhelmed. Like shaking in my shoes kind.
This is interesting; it's called Freedom Unplugged (one of the many episodes of The Arrivals). And I totally love the part about television (near the end) because it's so incredibly true. And I keep recalling everything I learnt in writing class about Walter Lippman and how the government is consistently creating a picture in our heads.
I really feel ignorance is humanity's worst disease. And if you don't do anything to fight for knowledge and truth, then you're basically wasting your time here on earth. Might as well not exist.
Friday night, I went out with Hudy, and we talked a great deal. About religion and faith and truths. And fate. And about the whole youtube video series called The Arrivals (where the Dajjal/Anti-Christ and the sickness of humanity are heavily discussed).
And what with tonight's amazing lecture at liqa'; I feel overwhelmed. Seriously overwhelmed. Like shaking in my shoes kind.
This is interesting; it's called Freedom Unplugged (one of the many episodes of The Arrivals). And I totally love the part about television (near the end) because it's so incredibly true. And I keep recalling everything I learnt in writing class about Walter Lippman and how the government is consistently creating a picture in our heads.
I really feel ignorance is humanity's worst disease. And if you don't do anything to fight for knowledge and truth, then you're basically wasting your time here on earth. Might as well not exist.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Fandom Talk (and a bit on my past life crisis.) Haha.
I can't stop or deny anymore. Unconsciously, bit by bit and over time, I've scrawled on my wish list: "Attend a JE concert." And I am fully aware this might never ever come true. I wonder what my past self would say to the me now. I'd probably think I was nuts, not to mention - wrong in so many ways. But I can't help it. :S JE just makes me happy. Happy happy happy. I think there's some truth when people say Arashi should be prescribed for depression.
Duck was lamenting how we're probably past the age for fangirling. No fair, I say. Why should there be an age limit. I think there are fangirls who are 60 years old, and it's fine. :) It's called being fans for life. I have this concept of a fan being forever a fan. I mean, I'm still an HP fan, right? I may not be stalking websites like the Leaky Cauldron anymore, but I still love HP. (It'd break my heart if someone said I didn't deserve to be an HP fan, haha.) If you truly like something, it'll always be special eh, in its own way. Be it a book, a movie, a celebrity or a guy.
Part of the reason JE became such a big thing for me was probably cause it came at the right time. I was having a life crisis at the start of last year. My dipping emotional well-being had reached the ultimate low. Only a few people know, I guess. It was a breaking-down-ready-to-drop-out-of-school-and-run-away life crisis. I was trying desperately to get off the bandwagon that is the life science industry and I just felt so ill-fitted, everywhere. (Story of my life. :P) It got so bad that I had to fight tears while riding the train to school.
It's hard to say how I did it. But I overcame this. And it has been the greatest personal triumph of my life. Bullocks to all the stupid exams I've aced in my life. Why couldn't I have had life lessons like this earlier? Why couldn't I have had my eyes opened earlier? As I've often discussed with Eunice, why aren't we ever taught the right things??? It's like finally, after reaching the lowest of the low, my perception shifted. And I started to see things differently. The glass is almost always half-full now.
Looking back - my gosh. 2008 was a great year. Haha, JE of course. APEX. Internship stint. And I think I made a boatload of new friends. And I truly started to cherish my old friendships and my family. I've always loved my friends. Always, always. But last year, it just hit me hard how fortunate I am. Some people think it's rather pitiable how I don't have that big a social circle and how, even now, I find it hard to get company for say, a trekking trip. (Am going for the Endau-Rompin trip with Muslim Society in May!) But I have a tight circle of best friends and my god, one million people wouldn't be able to replace them. Just knowing this has made all the difference.
Let's just say that when I was climbing up the hill from my pit of depression, I bumped into JE. :P And my gosh, JE will always be special this way. Listening to Arashi's crazily inspiring songs like 'We can make it through' and watching NEWS wo Abake and stumbling on Nobuta and discovering how much I could laugh and smile at all these silly things, just affirmed the fact, that hey, you know, life is great! And that it's not about hitting jackpot or scoring goals or getting it right (which is what I've been agonizing over all my life before) although they're bonuses; but it's about the little things like a friend's smile, a good family dinner or an email filled with spaz.
I can't stop or deny anymore. Unconsciously, bit by bit and over time, I've scrawled on my wish list: "Attend a JE concert." And I am fully aware this might never ever come true. I wonder what my past self would say to the me now. I'd probably think I was nuts, not to mention - wrong in so many ways. But I can't help it. :S JE just makes me happy. Happy happy happy. I think there's some truth when people say Arashi should be prescribed for depression.
Duck was lamenting how we're probably past the age for fangirling. No fair, I say. Why should there be an age limit. I think there are fangirls who are 60 years old, and it's fine. :) It's called being fans for life. I have this concept of a fan being forever a fan. I mean, I'm still an HP fan, right? I may not be stalking websites like the Leaky Cauldron anymore, but I still love HP. (It'd break my heart if someone said I didn't deserve to be an HP fan, haha.) If you truly like something, it'll always be special eh, in its own way. Be it a book, a movie, a celebrity or a guy.
Part of the reason JE became such a big thing for me was probably cause it came at the right time. I was having a life crisis at the start of last year. My dipping emotional well-being had reached the ultimate low. Only a few people know, I guess. It was a breaking-down-ready-to-drop-out-of-school-and-run-away life crisis. I was trying desperately to get off the bandwagon that is the life science industry and I just felt so ill-fitted, everywhere. (Story of my life. :P) It got so bad that I had to fight tears while riding the train to school.
It's hard to say how I did it. But I overcame this. And it has been the greatest personal triumph of my life. Bullocks to all the stupid exams I've aced in my life. Why couldn't I have had life lessons like this earlier? Why couldn't I have had my eyes opened earlier? As I've often discussed with Eunice, why aren't we ever taught the right things??? It's like finally, after reaching the lowest of the low, my perception shifted. And I started to see things differently. The glass is almost always half-full now.
Looking back - my gosh. 2008 was a great year. Haha, JE of course. APEX. Internship stint. And I think I made a boatload of new friends. And I truly started to cherish my old friendships and my family. I've always loved my friends. Always, always. But last year, it just hit me hard how fortunate I am. Some people think it's rather pitiable how I don't have that big a social circle and how, even now, I find it hard to get company for say, a trekking trip. (Am going for the Endau-Rompin trip with Muslim Society in May!) But I have a tight circle of best friends and my god, one million people wouldn't be able to replace them. Just knowing this has made all the difference.
Let's just say that when I was climbing up the hill from my pit of depression, I bumped into JE. :P And my gosh, JE will always be special this way. Listening to Arashi's crazily inspiring songs like 'We can make it through' and watching NEWS wo Abake and stumbling on Nobuta and discovering how much I could laugh and smile at all these silly things, just affirmed the fact, that hey, you know, life is great! And that it's not about hitting jackpot or scoring goals or getting it right (which is what I've been agonizing over all my life before) although they're bonuses; but it's about the little things like a friend's smile, a good family dinner or an email filled with spaz.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
:S Does that look like a guilty face? I need a guilty face here. GUILTY!!!
Went to Johor with my parents today. JOHOR, OKAY. When I haven't started on my math assignment due monday. And even though I'm back now, I can't bring myself to start it. Every time I have work, it feels like I'm lugging a big rock. The inertia is truly terrible.
But dang it. Johor shopping was good. And it was a short one too.
Also, apparently, I haven't shaken the hardworking image off of me. I thought I'd lost it for good. Until someone said, "Oh, you're doing your honours right! No problem eh since you love studying!"
Oh, what the world must think of me. -_______________-
I replied, "Eheheh... Love studying? Me?" Hello, learning is different from studying. I'll admit to loving books and being fascinated by a lot of things people find mundane. But hello, who loves studying?! I abhor it! If I'd loved it, my CAP would be sky high, please. And it isn't, I promise you. I'd love for it to be so though.
okay emo-ness shall stop. goodnight!
Went to Johor with my parents today. JOHOR, OKAY. When I haven't started on my math assignment due monday. And even though I'm back now, I can't bring myself to start it. Every time I have work, it feels like I'm lugging a big rock. The inertia is truly terrible.
But dang it. Johor shopping was good. And it was a short one too.
Also, apparently, I haven't shaken the hardworking image off of me. I thought I'd lost it for good. Until someone said, "Oh, you're doing your honours right! No problem eh since you love studying!"
Oh, what the world must think of me. -_______________-
I replied, "Eheheh... Love studying? Me?" Hello, learning is different from studying. I'll admit to loving books and being fascinated by a lot of things people find mundane. But hello, who loves studying?! I abhor it! If I'd loved it, my CAP would be sky high, please. And it isn't, I promise you. I'd love for it to be so though.
okay emo-ness shall stop. goodnight!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Oh, rain. Why did you stop. You're supposed to be the reason I'm skipping class.
Sometimes, I really can't stand this whole system of doing so many modules and projects at once. It makes me so frustrated. And angry. Because how am I going to appreciate any one thing enough when I keep having to jump from one task to another? >:|
I miss the feeling of truly excelling at something. I think I felt that waaaaay back in primary school. When subjects were few and we would do math repeatedly, for say, hours. I got so good at it and I really liked figuring out new problem sums. A mastery of anything requires a 110% attention and focus, and a wholehearted investment to fully understand a subject. I think I've mentioned this before; a lot of my personal discontent stems from my knowledge that I haven't given that 110%. That input is essential for a sense of accomplishment. And since primary school days, I can count the number of times I actually felt that sense of achievement. Been wholehearted in what I do.
It's so frustrating, and more so because I know it's me. It's like I've become too insanely distracted. Never fully embracing any one task. And of course, the crazy number of concurrent projects helps the situation none at all. Somehow, I'll remedy this. Somehow. Because at the end of it all, I just need to know I've done the best that I can.
My sister left for her KL trip. Last night, she was filling in a questionnare I assume came from her teacher. It was something like a personal statement; what do you want in life, what do people expect you to do, what you want to do etc. Then she asked, "What does a career mean to you?" And I only gave it a moment's thought before I said, "A way for me to make a difference in the world." And she went like this: @.@ and said, "I always just wanted my career to be something I enjoy."
And honestly, that's what I thought I wanted for myself too. And just earning enough to go on holidays every year. And this is why, sometimes, I think Freudian slips or free association or whatnot can be so revealing about oneself. Yes, I've thought about doing fun things as a job - photography or opening a book store - but ultimately, what would give me the most satisfaction is the knowledge that I've done something greater than myself. See my idealistic fluffy notions I will undoubtedly find incredibly hard to realise? Nonetheless, no harm trying.
---
You know here comes the spaz section. :P
Been reading Yamapi's 0409 column in the seventeen mags. I finally friended the community here and the translations are fantastic, the scans perfect. And reading all of what Pi wrote, more than his jweb, reminds me why Pi is my favourite Johnny's, by a far stretch. Like for instance, in Nobuta wo Produce, Yamapi was the one who characterised Akira. Akira was initially meant to be a normal guy. Yamapi gave him the entire quirky personality. The production people were a bit unsure of this at first but it worked. And now the Nobuta trio is one of my favourite group of fictional characters.
Also: Kaname Jun revealed as one of the six ikemen in Maki's drama! :D 5 more to go.
Sometimes, I really can't stand this whole system of doing so many modules and projects at once. It makes me so frustrated. And angry. Because how am I going to appreciate any one thing enough when I keep having to jump from one task to another? >:|
I miss the feeling of truly excelling at something. I think I felt that waaaaay back in primary school. When subjects were few and we would do math repeatedly, for say, hours. I got so good at it and I really liked figuring out new problem sums. A mastery of anything requires a 110% attention and focus, and a wholehearted investment to fully understand a subject. I think I've mentioned this before; a lot of my personal discontent stems from my knowledge that I haven't given that 110%. That input is essential for a sense of accomplishment. And since primary school days, I can count the number of times I actually felt that sense of achievement. Been wholehearted in what I do.
It's so frustrating, and more so because I know it's me. It's like I've become too insanely distracted. Never fully embracing any one task. And of course, the crazy number of concurrent projects helps the situation none at all. Somehow, I'll remedy this. Somehow. Because at the end of it all, I just need to know I've done the best that I can.
My sister left for her KL trip. Last night, she was filling in a questionnare I assume came from her teacher. It was something like a personal statement; what do you want in life, what do people expect you to do, what you want to do etc. Then she asked, "What does a career mean to you?" And I only gave it a moment's thought before I said, "A way for me to make a difference in the world." And she went like this: @.@ and said, "I always just wanted my career to be something I enjoy."
And honestly, that's what I thought I wanted for myself too. And just earning enough to go on holidays every year. And this is why, sometimes, I think Freudian slips or free association or whatnot can be so revealing about oneself. Yes, I've thought about doing fun things as a job - photography or opening a book store - but ultimately, what would give me the most satisfaction is the knowledge that I've done something greater than myself. See my idealistic fluffy notions I will undoubtedly find incredibly hard to realise? Nonetheless, no harm trying.
---
You know here comes the spaz section. :P
Been reading Yamapi's 0409 column in the seventeen mags. I finally friended the community here and the translations are fantastic, the scans perfect. And reading all of what Pi wrote, more than his jweb, reminds me why Pi is my favourite Johnny's, by a far stretch. Like for instance, in Nobuta wo Produce, Yamapi was the one who characterised Akira. Akira was initially meant to be a normal guy. Yamapi gave him the entire quirky personality. The production people were a bit unsure of this at first but it worked. And now the Nobuta trio is one of my favourite group of fictional characters.
Also: Kaname Jun revealed as one of the six ikemen in Maki's drama! :D 5 more to go.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
This weekend has been an extended excursion to lala-land. I mean, seriously. I still feel the in-the-clouds highness feeling. Help me someone. It's going to hurt real bad when I finally fall back to the ground (read: real world).
Oh god. I blame JE. JEPCast. Fans flailing too much over upcoming Jdramas. (But omg, the spring dramas SOUND EXCITING.) MacDonald's delivery. My mum running a marathon of Full House. Supply of yoghurt in the fridge. Famous Amos cookies. Shota music still sounding good to my ears despite overkill times a million.
:))) Why can't I stay high like this endlessly.
Oh god. I blame JE. JEPCast. Fans flailing too much over upcoming Jdramas. (But omg, the spring dramas SOUND EXCITING.) MacDonald's delivery. My mum running a marathon of Full House. Supply of yoghurt in the fridge. Famous Amos cookies. Shota music still sounding good to my ears despite overkill times a million.
:))) Why can't I stay high like this endlessly.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
A dangerously rambly post.
Nothing much new happening. But life is good. I find myself surprised at this. Because I used to be a lot more affected by the state of my schoolwork and by petty insecurities. If it's bad, then life is bad. Right now, schoolwork is not all great, but I still feel life is good at the moment. :) yay.
Strangely enough though, I had a dream last night, that brought back all my old fears. And I remember crying my heart out the way I don't allow myself to in real life, but then I woke up... and I still felt okay. Which seriously puzzled me. It's like, logically, my brain is saying I should be upset. But I'm not! @.@ I am weirded out by myself. What more everyone else. Hm.
I wonder if this is what being adult really means. I don't know. Okay, introspection is tiring. I should stop.
Okay, so what's been happening...
Last night, we had a family dinner. Just the five of us. It was nice. And okay, so my brother and mum and myself were bickering in the carpark all the way to Earl Swensen's at T3, but it still felt nice, because I don't know, it felt normal. It felt so homely. My brother just got back from his Gold Coast trip with Hussein and Hefni where they snorkled and kayaked and rode roller coasters, and brought back Billabong flip-flops for me and sis.
Also, we celebrated the first night of Maulud-ur Rasul on Thursday. I skipped Human Relations class, had a quick bite of sandwich with Eunice and then went to Abang Yan's place to read Maulud Nasr together with everyone. And we had nasi sambal goreng and ice cream and yoghurt. :) Although I was super damn tired, it was a good night.
Today, I had APEX as usual but we had a one-on-one session, instead of Sarah taking charge of Math and me taking charge of English. And when I tutored Suhaili personally, I felt myself morphing into my mum. Or what my memory of her was when she used to teach me and my siblings when we were small. I got increasingly impatient with Suhaili at her inability to grasp simple concepts at Primary 6! Primary 6 okay! Going to sit for PSLE already. I had to consciously lower my voice and stay calm. God, I want them to do well. -_- It's so frustrating sometimes. And it's unbearably frustrating how it gets reinforced every APEX session how exams destroy learning. I can't stand it. All the kids are concerned about is getting answers right, not understanding concepts. Although yes, I study for exams too, I don't think I've ever lost my fascination about learning anything new. And just. It appalls me when people behave otherwise. And at the tender age of 12 too. Kid, you have years to go.
Wow, this has been quite a ramble.
---
A not-so-quick spaz!: Maki has a new show coming in April (^o^) called Atashinchi no Danshi, where she acts as a homeless girl and then gets married to an extremely rich old man, who pitited her and took her in. But the man dies real quick, haha, and she has to live and deal with his six adopted sons (possible heirs to the fortune) who are all apparently, hot ikemen. :P OMG. I am so seriously excited for this show, you have no idea. And most of all, they haven't revealed who these 6 guys are and it is almost literally killing me! And now I hear, they are going to reveal the cast for the 6 guys one at a time from 13th to 17th March. #$&%^#$&^*&^!!!! It's real torture, man! XD And all the speculations are hilarious! People are saying, wouldn't it be great if it was the entire of NEWS? HAHA, I wish! Or Kat-tun. Or Arashi plus one (Toma, anyone?)? And the strangest thing is this unanimous and persistent wish for Ryo to be in the show, no matter what. In contrast, although fans mostly hope for Yamapi, there is this general resignation that it'd be too good to be true (haha XD) and Pi probably wouldn't ever take a supporting role now anyway (not ever since he became a demigod in entertainment), so people don't talk about Pi at all! I almost feel like all fans know not to jinx Pi by talking too much about him or bring our hopes up in any way.
Whatever. Yamapi or not, this show is already making me super-duper excited. :))))))
Although, my god, I miss NEWS so much. Of all of JE, I think they have the least things going on at the moment! Am listening to JEPCast for the first time in ages (these girls are hilarious! "Mayonaka no Shadow Boy, that cherry song?" HAHAHAHA.) and the NEWS segment is always so short O.o! I miss them. Haiyah. Arashi has soooo many things happening, and while yes, I adore them too for they are my second favourite, I resent that NEWS has like a crazily lax schedule. Nyah.
Also, omg, Kami and a few of them saw Sho in person!!! >.< SIGH. I don't need a fangirl flailing session now. I have a test on monday!
Nothing much new happening. But life is good. I find myself surprised at this. Because I used to be a lot more affected by the state of my schoolwork and by petty insecurities. If it's bad, then life is bad. Right now, schoolwork is not all great, but I still feel life is good at the moment. :) yay.
Strangely enough though, I had a dream last night, that brought back all my old fears. And I remember crying my heart out the way I don't allow myself to in real life, but then I woke up... and I still felt okay. Which seriously puzzled me. It's like, logically, my brain is saying I should be upset. But I'm not! @.@ I am weirded out by myself. What more everyone else. Hm.
I wonder if this is what being adult really means. I don't know. Okay, introspection is tiring. I should stop.
Okay, so what's been happening...
Last night, we had a family dinner. Just the five of us. It was nice. And okay, so my brother and mum and myself were bickering in the carpark all the way to Earl Swensen's at T3, but it still felt nice, because I don't know, it felt normal. It felt so homely. My brother just got back from his Gold Coast trip with Hussein and Hefni where they snorkled and kayaked and rode roller coasters, and brought back Billabong flip-flops for me and sis.
Also, we celebrated the first night of Maulud-ur Rasul on Thursday. I skipped Human Relations class, had a quick bite of sandwich with Eunice and then went to Abang Yan's place to read Maulud Nasr together with everyone. And we had nasi sambal goreng and ice cream and yoghurt. :) Although I was super damn tired, it was a good night.
Today, I had APEX as usual but we had a one-on-one session, instead of Sarah taking charge of Math and me taking charge of English. And when I tutored Suhaili personally, I felt myself morphing into my mum. Or what my memory of her was when she used to teach me and my siblings when we were small. I got increasingly impatient with Suhaili at her inability to grasp simple concepts at Primary 6! Primary 6 okay! Going to sit for PSLE already. I had to consciously lower my voice and stay calm. God, I want them to do well. -_- It's so frustrating sometimes. And it's unbearably frustrating how it gets reinforced every APEX session how exams destroy learning. I can't stand it. All the kids are concerned about is getting answers right, not understanding concepts. Although yes, I study for exams too, I don't think I've ever lost my fascination about learning anything new. And just. It appalls me when people behave otherwise. And at the tender age of 12 too. Kid, you have years to go.
Wow, this has been quite a ramble.
---
A not-so-quick spaz!: Maki has a new show coming in April (^o^) called Atashinchi no Danshi, where she acts as a homeless girl and then gets married to an extremely rich old man, who pitited her and took her in. But the man dies real quick, haha, and she has to live and deal with his six adopted sons (possible heirs to the fortune) who are all apparently, hot ikemen. :P OMG. I am so seriously excited for this show, you have no idea. And most of all, they haven't revealed who these 6 guys are and it is almost literally killing me! And now I hear, they are going to reveal the cast for the 6 guys one at a time from 13th to 17th March. #$&%^#$&^*&^!!!! It's real torture, man! XD And all the speculations are hilarious! People are saying, wouldn't it be great if it was the entire of NEWS? HAHA, I wish! Or Kat-tun. Or Arashi plus one (Toma, anyone?)? And the strangest thing is this unanimous and persistent wish for Ryo to be in the show, no matter what. In contrast, although fans mostly hope for Yamapi, there is this general resignation that it'd be too good to be true (haha XD) and Pi probably wouldn't ever take a supporting role now anyway (not ever since he became a demigod in entertainment), so people don't talk about Pi at all! I almost feel like all fans know not to jinx Pi by talking too much about him or bring our hopes up in any way.
Whatever. Yamapi or not, this show is already making me super-duper excited. :))))))
Although, my god, I miss NEWS so much. Of all of JE, I think they have the least things going on at the moment! Am listening to JEPCast for the first time in ages (these girls are hilarious! "Mayonaka no Shadow Boy, that cherry song?" HAHAHAHA.) and the NEWS segment is always so short O.o! I miss them. Haiyah. Arashi has soooo many things happening, and while yes, I adore them too for they are my second favourite, I resent that NEWS has like a crazily lax schedule. Nyah.
Also, omg, Kami and a few of them saw Sho in person!!! >.< SIGH. I don't need a fangirl flailing session now. I have a test on monday!
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
I have so much work. But I'm just sitting here. And I just don't want to start. The weather has been awesomely cool lately and perfect for sleeping in. So I did. I got back home past 12 pm today, thinking I could get loads of work in. Then I ended up lurking about fandom for a bit (I have missed it) and slept all the way till 4 pm. Woke up with a slight panic, which dissipated while having lunch (or is it tea?) and watching Innocent Love (almost done with it!).
And now I know I still have loads of work to do, but dang it. Why can't I just sit here and have fun instead. -_- Zonked. It's like I'm looking straight at a storm coming, but I'm not doing anything about it. I'm like thinking, "Oh, hello storm! It's you again. I'm too tired to deal with you." Why can't I just learn what I want to learn without having stupid assignments and exams on the side.
The past weekend, I kind of made a new friend. And I don't know, to some people, I seem to be an amazing advice-giver or stg. Sometimes I feel like a counselor. You see? I knew there was a reason I wanted to do psychology so bad. But nevermind; that's in the past. Anyway, the point is (before I ramble endlessly and incoherently), I told someone that the first thing I want in heaven is my own library. Like a humungous one, with an uncountable number of books, which I can discover at snail's pace. Oh, heaven. That is heaven. I already know what I want it to look like: nice, polished wooden floors; full-length glass windows overlooking greenery; plush sofas for sprawling. And somewhere in the corner, my laptop? Haha. And this beautiful, beautiful quiet. I've kind of always wanted that - like what Lymond said - to be able to observe the world and learn about it, but never to really meddle with it... you know?
Oh well. Anyway, in response to Duckie's post about the exit sign, here's my bro and sis and the exit sign in Japan. :P NEWS has a dance pose that looks like the exit sign running man, and my siblings have followed suit.
Also, let me post the edited versions of my Japan photos! I don't think I have. Credits to my sister, who used the online photo-editing application, Picnik.
Kirei ne! :) I want more holidays. And I want to go to Japan again.
And now I know I still have loads of work to do, but dang it. Why can't I just sit here and have fun instead. -_- Zonked. It's like I'm looking straight at a storm coming, but I'm not doing anything about it. I'm like thinking, "Oh, hello storm! It's you again. I'm too tired to deal with you." Why can't I just learn what I want to learn without having stupid assignments and exams on the side.
The past weekend, I kind of made a new friend. And I don't know, to some people, I seem to be an amazing advice-giver or stg. Sometimes I feel like a counselor. You see? I knew there was a reason I wanted to do psychology so bad. But nevermind; that's in the past. Anyway, the point is (before I ramble endlessly and incoherently), I told someone that the first thing I want in heaven is my own library. Like a humungous one, with an uncountable number of books, which I can discover at snail's pace. Oh, heaven. That is heaven. I already know what I want it to look like: nice, polished wooden floors; full-length glass windows overlooking greenery; plush sofas for sprawling. And somewhere in the corner, my laptop? Haha. And this beautiful, beautiful quiet. I've kind of always wanted that - like what Lymond said - to be able to observe the world and learn about it, but never to really meddle with it... you know?
Oh well. Anyway, in response to Duckie's post about the exit sign, here's my bro and sis and the exit sign in Japan. :P NEWS has a dance pose that looks like the exit sign running man, and my siblings have followed suit.
Also, let me post the edited versions of my Japan photos! I don't think I have. Credits to my sister, who used the online photo-editing application, Picnik.
Kirei ne! :) I want more holidays. And I want to go to Japan again.
Friday, February 27, 2009
I had a nice heart-to-heart lunch with Jean today. <3 Missed her. We've always been this way; we don't meet for ages but then when we meet up, it's like we never parted. I realise that there isn't just one person in the world you can connect with, although you may favour someone. There are many. And that's what's great. It makes all my friends special.
And then when I was walking home, a fire engine zoomed by, and I remembered that I hadn't switched off the rice cooker when I left home that morning. It was on 'Heat'. And immediately, my kancheong-ness took over. @_@ I rushed forward to see which direction the fire engine took, and it turned right into Tampines Avenue 5 and panic bells went off in my head. I was like, "It can't be, right!" I mean, it's one thing to leave the stove on. It's different when you keep your rice heated in the cooker. The rice can't possibly catch fire from over-heating, right!!! But I was still kancheong. And as I approached home, I kept sniffing the air for any smell of smoke. And my heart was like thudding and doing crazy leaps as I turned corners on the way home, and I kept praying that what I was imagining wasn't really happening. I thought of all the crazy consequences of my flat catching fire and one of my biggest concerns was my dearest laptop :P which contains precious work and trivia. And of course my parents doing everything short of outright killing me. And my brother dismayed at his damaged PS3. Haha.
But when my flat was finally in sight, there was nothing of course. (^-^") And when I got home, the first thing I did was switch off the rice cooker. Phew. I am a nut.
And then when I was walking home, a fire engine zoomed by, and I remembered that I hadn't switched off the rice cooker when I left home that morning. It was on 'Heat'. And immediately, my kancheong-ness took over. @_@ I rushed forward to see which direction the fire engine took, and it turned right into Tampines Avenue 5 and panic bells went off in my head. I was like, "It can't be, right!" I mean, it's one thing to leave the stove on. It's different when you keep your rice heated in the cooker. The rice can't possibly catch fire from over-heating, right!!! But I was still kancheong. And as I approached home, I kept sniffing the air for any smell of smoke. And my heart was like thudding and doing crazy leaps as I turned corners on the way home, and I kept praying that what I was imagining wasn't really happening. I thought of all the crazy consequences of my flat catching fire and one of my biggest concerns was my dearest laptop :P which contains precious work and trivia. And of course my parents doing everything short of outright killing me. And my brother dismayed at his damaged PS3. Haha.
But when my flat was finally in sight, there was nothing of course. (^-^") And when I got home, the first thing I did was switch off the rice cooker. Phew. I am a nut.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I was doing my bioinformatics research on epigenetics and I found a scientific paper on the study of the 'magic' gene (as in the context of JK Rowling's Harry Potter universe) by some Oxford University people. Seriously. I just wanted to laugh and laugh and laugh, because WHAT. HAHA. What is the point of it!!! XD Is it a frigging joke???????? It must be! It's like this group of biologists were damn bored and then decided to spice up their dreary report-writing days and play a prank or something.
Don't believe me? Here are snapshots. And you can go look them up yourself on google scholar. Apparently, they theorise on the existence of an epigenetic magical enhancer that acts on the chromatin of pureblood wizards, thereby activating their magic gene. @.@ I swear. HP fans are pervasive, and just plain mad at times. To think they'd write a paper on the magic gene.
On second thought. I wish I'd done this myself. :P It must have been super fun to have written this paper. I'd thought much about the magic gene too. I mean, if you like biology, you just tend to think like that. Wondering how the genetics worked. Awesome lah.
"Magic is not a dichotomous trait; we prefer the idea of magical ability, a quantitative attribute, ranging from the talents of Albus Dumbledore, Harry’s headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to the relative ineptitude of Crabbe and Goyle, the sidekicks of Harry’s nemesis Draco Malfoy. Magical ability also seems to be genetically determined, with familial aggregation highlighted by the Weasley twins who seem equally matched in aptitude, and the magical abilities of Harry Potter."
Don't believe me? Here are snapshots. And you can go look them up yourself on google scholar. Apparently, they theorise on the existence of an epigenetic magical enhancer that acts on the chromatin of pureblood wizards, thereby activating their magic gene. @.@ I swear. HP fans are pervasive, and just plain mad at times. To think they'd write a paper on the magic gene.
On second thought. I wish I'd done this myself. :P It must have been super fun to have written this paper. I'd thought much about the magic gene too. I mean, if you like biology, you just tend to think like that. Wondering how the genetics worked. Awesome lah.
"Magic is not a dichotomous trait; we prefer the idea of magical ability, a quantitative attribute, ranging from the talents of Albus Dumbledore, Harry’s headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to the relative ineptitude of Crabbe and Goyle, the sidekicks of Harry’s nemesis Draco Malfoy. Magical ability also seems to be genetically determined, with familial aggregation highlighted by the Weasley twins who seem equally matched in aptitude, and the magical abilities of Harry Potter."
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Losing is fine. As long as you know you lost to someone who is undeniably better than you. And as long as you know you fought hard. It is no good otherwise. No good. It's funny eh, the moments when truths like this finally hit home. They always happen at very otherwise unremarkable places and times. So that events you would normally forget remain ingrained in your brain forever instead. Like I was watching the first episode of Mei-chan no Shitsuji (hottest Jap drama on mysoju, apparently) and there was that one line that just made me stop: It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor, well-born or not; you'll never find happiness unless you fight. And I think it's true, it's true, it's true. Like they say, you know, this life isn't worth living, until you find something worth dying for.
Anyway, something else: Kuroki Meisa's Bad Girl PV. :( She is very very pretty. I always liked her, because she gave off this smart girl vibe although she acts rather woodenly, and I felt she was above the 'exploiting-my-body' marketing stance. But then, this happened. And I am disappointed. I am kind of afraid she'll do a Britney-like tumble into bad-girl-hell or according to my sister, become Leah Dizon No. 2. But I credit Meisa with more brains than either of these girls, so... maybe it's a little early to make assumptions. And it is only one music video anyway.
This is the rather amusing conversation my sis and I had.
A: what the F is she doing?! @_@ gila. it's like... @_@
S: That's why, I'm not sure. Just kind of gyrating at the camera.
A: but still. DAMN HOT PLS.
S: I know. She is very, very lawa. seriously.
A: YAR. uwah. but SO. SAD! so wasted liddat.
S: I dont know a guy who wouldnt be salivating at such a thing on their tv screen lah.
S: Please dont do things like this Meisa! HAIYAH
A: ): bodoh ah. maki! why you let her!
S: You know, if Maki did something like that (GOD FORBID), I might cry.
A: she wouldn't lor.
S: I know, thank goodness. Because it's all part of Maki's image.
A: omg. seriously. DAMN WASTED. what if she becomes leah dizon no. 2?!
S: I think the agency is still trying to find the best way to sell Meisa. And they're trying this.
A: it doesn't mean they should make her do THIS!
S: SIGH
A: karut ah. just bcos the title is BAD GIRL?! so many other ways to be BAD, in case si jepun2 ni tak tahu. i feel like crying every time she does tt lying on the red bed thing and looking at the camera upside down thing. like grr.
S: yar lah! she could STEAL or stg. or be a back-biting bitch. she doesnt have to show the camera almost her entire butt.
A: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA STEAL?!
S: pls dont say Abiru
A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA
S: Stealing is bad what. :P
I unconsciously hold a grudge against this Abiru girl. XD Really. Now, when I think bad girl, on top of the scant clothing, I think: "stealing glamour monkey". HAHA.
Anyway, something else: Kuroki Meisa's Bad Girl PV. :( She is very very pretty. I always liked her, because she gave off this smart girl vibe although she acts rather woodenly, and I felt she was above the 'exploiting-my-body' marketing stance. But then, this happened. And I am disappointed. I am kind of afraid she'll do a Britney-like tumble into bad-girl-hell or according to my sister, become Leah Dizon No. 2. But I credit Meisa with more brains than either of these girls, so... maybe it's a little early to make assumptions. And it is only one music video anyway.
This is the rather amusing conversation my sis and I had.
A: what the F is she doing?! @_@ gila. it's like... @_@
S: That's why, I'm not sure. Just kind of gyrating at the camera.
A: but still. DAMN HOT PLS.
S: I know. She is very, very lawa. seriously.
A: YAR. uwah. but SO. SAD! so wasted liddat.
S: I dont know a guy who wouldnt be salivating at such a thing on their tv screen lah.
S: Please dont do things like this Meisa! HAIYAH
A: ): bodoh ah. maki! why you let her!
S: You know, if Maki did something like that (GOD FORBID), I might cry.
A: she wouldn't lor.
S: I know, thank goodness. Because it's all part of Maki's image.
A: omg. seriously. DAMN WASTED. what if she becomes leah dizon no. 2?!
S: I think the agency is still trying to find the best way to sell Meisa. And they're trying this.
A: it doesn't mean they should make her do THIS!
S: SIGH
A: karut ah. just bcos the title is BAD GIRL?! so many other ways to be BAD, in case si jepun2 ni tak tahu. i feel like crying every time she does tt lying on the red bed thing and looking at the camera upside down thing. like grr.
S: yar lah! she could STEAL or stg. or be a back-biting bitch. she doesnt have to show the camera almost her entire butt.
A: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA STEAL?!
S: pls dont say Abiru
A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA
S: Stealing is bad what. :P
I unconsciously hold a grudge against this Abiru girl. XD Really. Now, when I think bad girl, on top of the scant clothing, I think: "stealing glamour monkey". HAHA.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Haha, this is awesome. People are inspiring. Learning should be like this - a community effort. That's why I stick with APEX too.
Once Upon A School
During class today, Prof Ken asked, "Do you guys want a midterm or a programming assignment?" I wanted to say, "Neither!" He said, "The aim of this module is to make you learn to design algorithms." Which made me @.@ -- But we decided on midterm. So for now, phew. I have this psychological barrier against programming. It still terrifies me. But my god, if a nine-year-old can program (even if he is a prodigy), so can I. One of my goals in life is to be able to program.
Once Upon A School
During class today, Prof Ken asked, "Do you guys want a midterm or a programming assignment?" I wanted to say, "Neither!" He said, "The aim of this module is to make you learn to design algorithms." Which made me @.@ -- But we decided on midterm. So for now, phew. I have this psychological barrier against programming. It still terrifies me. But my god, if a nine-year-old can program (even if he is a prodigy), so can I. One of my goals in life is to be able to program.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
It's true isn't it. Happiness is in the simple things. :) The week turned out better than I envisioned. I had a stressful time most of the week (although I met up with Sowmya and Jean on Thursday!), and finally bought panadols for my long 8-to-8 days, but then on Friday, after another lengthy bioinformatics meeting, things started looking up. I met up with Khairiah, who gave me her signature Valentine muffins. :) YUMMY. And then we met up with Hudy and we had an impromptu dinner together. I was about to introduce them to Hei Sushi, but because we were slowpokes and got there near closing time, we had to resort to KFC instead. But it was still a nice dinner.
Then today, had dinner to celebrate Mumu's birthday. At breeks @ T2. The airport was so crowded lah. Poor Singaporeans, have nowehere else to go is it. Highlight of whole outing = Eunice drove us! YAYYY. So exciting. Then we went to the beach. And had a random photo shoot with the wonderful DSLR. Being with friends rejuvenates the spirit. If not, I'd just become a total zombie.
I'm alternately listening to Shimizu Shota and old Bollywood songs. Watching Shah Rukh/Kajol is seriously nostalgic for me. You know what, I have an increasingly long list of favourite OTPs and onscreen couples. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge will always be a classic for me. Siiigh :) so awesome.
I don't want tomorrow to come. Can time stand still, please.
Then today, had dinner to celebrate Mumu's birthday. At breeks @ T2. The airport was so crowded lah. Poor Singaporeans, have nowehere else to go is it. Highlight of whole outing = Eunice drove us! YAYYY. So exciting. Then we went to the beach. And had a random photo shoot with the wonderful DSLR. Being with friends rejuvenates the spirit. If not, I'd just become a total zombie.
I'm alternately listening to Shimizu Shota and old Bollywood songs. Watching Shah Rukh/Kajol is seriously nostalgic for me. You know what, I have an increasingly long list of favourite OTPs and onscreen couples. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge will always be a classic for me. Siiigh :) so awesome.
I don't want tomorrow to come. Can time stand still, please.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
This past week has exhausted me. And the coming week is a predicted storm I am fretting about at the back of my mind. My brain keeps running a loop of the list of things I have yet to do, and this repetition is more exhausting than carrying out the tasks themselves. I feel zonked. Like for instance, I've been saying I'm going to do my combinatorial bioinfo homework for the last 5 hours but I keep getting sidetracked by other things, trivial and otherwise. This includes sending out emails, replying to emails, downloading Arashi vids, clearing my hard drive, reformatting my stupid external hard disk which refuses to let me store any file greater than 10GB, printing notes, blogging and whilst doing all this, updating myself with fandom tidbits like jweb entries and gossip at uwasako. Between all these, my lecture notes and tutorial remain neglected and I get seriously depressed at my inability to manage time. a.r.g.h.
Also, my back is getting more prone to aches. Eeeeps. I'm only 21 and my body seems to creak like an old woman's. Also, as much as I love my 5-year-old laptop, it is heavy. Just so so heavy. And lugging it to school is undoubtedly damaging my health in some way. What to do! What to do! I need it for class too. Should I bring a trolley to school or stg.
Oh, I shouldn't bore you with school. I shall bore you with spazzing instead. :P
---
SPAZ Section
NEWS members draw foxes for WinkUp mag.
The first is Koyama's, then Ryo's and then Tego's. Massu's isn't here but he drew a ramen cup. I miss NEWS. Lately, Arashi, Nodame and Shimizu Shota have dominated my attention.
Iqah: OMG. KOYAMA'S FOX!
sham: YAR CUTE RIGHT
Iqah: AND WHAT'S UP WITH RYO'S????
sham: Macam terperanjat gitu
sham: He is gila.
Iqah: i don't get massu's either.
sham: I love NEWS. They are all sesat in their own ways.
Iqah: HAHAHAHAH
Iqah: i can laugh all night at koyama's.
sham: I KNOW RIGHT!
Ja.
Also, my back is getting more prone to aches. Eeeeps. I'm only 21 and my body seems to creak like an old woman's. Also, as much as I love my 5-year-old laptop, it is heavy. Just so so heavy. And lugging it to school is undoubtedly damaging my health in some way. What to do! What to do! I need it for class too. Should I bring a trolley to school or stg.
Oh, I shouldn't bore you with school. I shall bore you with spazzing instead. :P
---
SPAZ Section
NEWS members draw foxes for WinkUp mag.
The first is Koyama's, then Ryo's and then Tego's. Massu's isn't here but he drew a ramen cup. I miss NEWS. Lately, Arashi, Nodame and Shimizu Shota have dominated my attention.Iqah: OMG. KOYAMA'S FOX!
sham: YAR CUTE RIGHT
Iqah: AND WHAT'S UP WITH RYO'S????
sham: Macam terperanjat gitu
sham: He is gila.
Iqah: i don't get massu's either.
sham: I love NEWS. They are all sesat in their own ways.
Iqah: HAHAHAHAH
Iqah: i can laugh all night at koyama's.
sham: I KNOW RIGHT!
Ja.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Movie Rave
I just finished watching Crows Zero -- it's a manga movie adaptation about school gangs. And uh. It's mostly about fighting. There's a little about honour and comradeship and friendship. It's kind of like Lord of the Flies; in the sense that the school and underground yakuza world, like the little deserted island, becomes a whole new dimension that plays out its own politics. I like that. It's about humans returning to their most primitive behaviours. The girl played by Meisa Kuroki was rather unnecessary though; she was merely decorative. And her acting has not impressed me thus far. I should stop thinking that association with Maki makes her an equally talented actress. On the other hand -- Oguri Shun. Goodness. His acting skills aside (which he has a considerable amount), Shun is like the embodiment of coolness. Seriously. He makes the coolest gangster. When he strutted down the street, me and sis looked at each other and XD and simultaneously went, "Ohmygod, Shun." How does he do it. Be so cool. Does it immediately come with the lankiness? The long legs?
I can't think cool without thinking Shun in Crows Zero (or Shun in general -- think Hanazawa Rui). I'm trying to get another equivalent; but the boys from Outsiders don't even come close and I can't think of anybody else. Thunderbirds from Grease? :P GOD.
Okay, I should sleep. Tutorial tomorrow! And so far, I've only been pretending I know what dynamic programming is. I don't really know how to do it.
I just finished watching Crows Zero -- it's a manga movie adaptation about school gangs. And uh. It's mostly about fighting. There's a little about honour and comradeship and friendship. It's kind of like Lord of the Flies; in the sense that the school and underground yakuza world, like the little deserted island, becomes a whole new dimension that plays out its own politics. I like that. It's about humans returning to their most primitive behaviours. The girl played by Meisa Kuroki was rather unnecessary though; she was merely decorative. And her acting has not impressed me thus far. I should stop thinking that association with Maki makes her an equally talented actress. On the other hand -- Oguri Shun. Goodness. His acting skills aside (which he has a considerable amount), Shun is like the embodiment of coolness. Seriously. He makes the coolest gangster. When he strutted down the street, me and sis looked at each other and XD and simultaneously went, "Ohmygod, Shun." How does he do it. Be so cool. Does it immediately come with the lankiness? The long legs?
I can't think cool without thinking Shun in Crows Zero (or Shun in general -- think Hanazawa Rui). I'm trying to get another equivalent; but the boys from Outsiders don't even come close and I can't think of anybody else. Thunderbirds from Grease? :P GOD.
Okay, I should sleep. Tutorial tomorrow! And so far, I've only been pretending I know what dynamic programming is. I don't really know how to do it.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
I think the bioinformatics practical is extremely irritating. EXTREMELY. No matter how many different ways you phrase the question "how different is informatics from computation", my answer would still be the same, hello. >:| So stop asking the same thing!
Another wonderful thing about Shimizu Shota - his songs make wonderful background for a bout of sobbing. Very nice. I feel soothed as I cry. I've been working too hard on being strong, that I forget how crying is good. It is cleansing. I feel better already. And then after a nice cry, you turn on some Arashi to get your spirits up! :D Ahak. See, Jpop meets my needs. Yoshi! Now I can face ttw's ridiculous bio questions again. Not that I'm crying about bio; I'm not that much of a nerd. :P
Another wonderful thing about Shimizu Shota - his songs make wonderful background for a bout of sobbing. Very nice. I feel soothed as I cry. I've been working too hard on being strong, that I forget how crying is good. It is cleansing. I feel better already. And then after a nice cry, you turn on some Arashi to get your spirits up! :D Ahak. See, Jpop meets my needs. Yoshi! Now I can face ttw's ridiculous bio questions again. Not that I'm crying about bio; I'm not that much of a nerd. :P