Been watching vids again. Although I should be studying or working. -.- Here's one where Ustaz Khalid Yasin speaks about women in Islam. =) Part of the reason my faith in Islam is so strong is because I can find no other institution or system that protects women as much as Islam does.



Here's another one. He speaks for all the irritation I feel when people think that, you know, poor Muslim girls are being oppressed and are likely daft or stg and have to be made to suffer. No, my dad did not force me to wear the tudung, I assure you, although even my Muslim friends would think so. I chose to do it myself when I was 11 and even my relatives were shocked, and said that it was okay if I didn't wear it. It really is irritating. There's this stupid assumption that modernity comes with the way we dress, instead of what's in our brains.



When I was in human relations class and we'd have all those heated discussions about controversial issues, I think everyone could tell I'm a conservative. I mean, even for our project presentation, I played the role of the conservative Singaporean heartlander. I'm fine with it. I try to be a good Muslim and if that labels me as a conservative (although I don't like these labels), so be it. But what I get irritated with is this idea that if I'm conservative, then surely, my ideas about women are backward. Like, I can't be conservative and feminist at the same time, although 'feminist' may not be the label I like to use here. Like it's a given - if people are not what is termed 'liberal', then they're not pro-woman or stg. It's really stupid. Which woman does not want respect and equality for women??? I just feel that feminists, the really extreme feminist types, have a misplaced idea about equality for women. We don't want to be like men, do we? We just want to be respected as much as men. Equal but not the same, you know? We want to be respected as women. Sigh. I think the world is largely confused about everything.

Here's a little from my Human Relations exam paper: we were supposed to comment on the articles. They're quite interesting.

So while “pro-choice” feminists hail abortion as the symbol of women’s sexual freedom and equality, the ordinary young woman may find no such liberation when she has sex with her date, thinking, as women are prone to do, that sex will bind the two emotionally. Instead, when he doesn’t share the depth of her feelings and then hands her $400 for the abortion when she becomes pregnant, it’s not only her heart that’s broken. She alone has to live with the possible short-term and long-term medical consequences of the abortion for the rest of her life. For many women, “reproductive freedom” has meant that women continue to negotiate all that comes with reproduction while men enjoy the freedom of sex without consequences.

The victimization felt by such a large majority of women who undergo abortions, though not appreciated or even recognized by today’s “pro-choice” feminist, was acutely foreseen by an earlier generation of feminists. America’s pioneering feminists, who fought for the right to vote and fair treatment in the workplace, were uniformly against abortion because they recognized it as an attack on women as women—those uniquely endowed with the ability to bear children. While these pioneering feminists endured the painstaking fight to change male-dominated political and economic institutions, the “pro-choice” feminists of the 1970s and today instead sought to change the very nature of women, convincing many of them that, if they’re to be equal to men, they must simply become like men.

~ How Abortion Hurts Women: The Hard Truth, by Erika Bachiochi

OMG SPIDERMAN WAS AT NUS LIBRARY??? HAHAHAHAHA. XD Several students have posted the video on youtube and it is funny! HAHA. Wish I could have been there to witness it myself. Maybe it was some weird psychology-related project? Or maybe a stunt by OSA to supposedly help students with destressing this mugging period?



HAHA. NUS knows how to have fun too, I guess.

But I should start on my work. :S

The new HP6 movie trailer! :D There's Harry/Draco action, pretty special effects and it all looks potentially awesome.



There was a time when things like this was enough.

I am plagued by stupid big questions. I think there are some people like me who keep getting obsessed about understanding the big picture, that they forget to care about the little details. And because of that... it feels like I've missed out on a lot.

Oh life, tell me what I'm missing out on.

In my muddle of a brain, I keep picturing my life like a bounded lawn, and I keep peeking over to look at other people's lawns. "Oh, that person's grass looks greener!" And I don't think it's jealousy per se. I mean, I'm not about to climb over the fences that separate us and take over someone else's lawn. It's more like... confusion. Have I tended my lawn enough? What am I doing wrong? I love my lawn, but I keep wondering... if something's wrong.

Oh, the pressures of conformity! Don't you think that without it, we'd be more free to love with all our hearts?

You know, somebody should just stop me from blogging. -.- I don't make sense half the time, and the other half, I'm just spazzing. Randomness should be my middle name.

underpromise and overdeliver. I agree, prof.

Projects driving me nuts. Then a moment ago, started watching adorable owls on youtube instead! They are seriously CUTE. They are furry and they sit in the grass! XD



And then Eunice brought up Scotland, of course. And this is a mad convo.

Eunice: I wanna go to Scotland.
Me: do you think we'd be able to spot cute animals!! but I'd be scared of wolves etc
Eunice: WOLVES? Haha
Me: I mean, if we could spot cute animals, we could spot scary ones! like bears or stg! or mountain lions! are there those? HAHA
Eunice: Leopards!
Me: GAH!
Eunice: Will there be tree leopards? I want!!
Me: Eunice. SCARY! DO YOU WANT TO DIE
Eunice: As long as we don't make threatening moves towards them...
Me: SERIOUSLY O.O
Eunice: How often do you hear about animals mauling people to death in Scotland
Me: but still! I want to enjoy my graduation trip, not kill myself, thank you.
Eunice: HAHA I don't think we'll see any, actually
Me: If we see a tree leopard, we are running away!
Eunice: Not before taking loads of photos.

It's Tuesday of last week of sem. It's been crazy. And it will remain crazy all the way till Sunday. BUT I CAN DO THIS! I SHALL SURVIVE!

Rapidminer Drug Design project is super mad. We can't run our programs due to lack of computer RAM and so now... GAH. An entire section on feature selection thrown out.

I should sleep. Inspiration only comes to those with a clear mind anyway. 'Night!

It's so irritating. I hate how any form of anger I feel just keeps getting transformed into hurt like some unstoppable math equation, and I fail to vent my anger in any satisfying manner. It's like the urge to rage is always quickly buried under the urge to huddle and cry. It's UGGGHHHH! In the end, no matter what, I am the one always feeling horrid, and the injustice of it just maddens me.

Like the other night when I came back home after dinner with some friends, and I found the house pitch black and empty and I'd realised the entire family had gone to watch a movie without telling, and a movie that I'd badly wanted to see too, I felt so angry. How inconsiderate and thoughtless the whole thing was. And I remember thinking, 'I haven't felt so angry in a long time'. But looking back, I think it was more the fact that there was no one around; lack of inhibition allowed me to feel my anger. And for once, you know, I could slam the door. And just let go.

Ah sigh. I swear, I should buy some cheap china and have a corner for plate-breaking.

I've been meaning to say how much I love my friends. Then this coincidentally (or not) came along via post yesterday:

(okay, I can't seem to rotate this image, maybe you can tilt your head to read. :P)

Duck sent me another set of Arashi vids to watch as an early birthday present! I was so happy when I got home last night and saw the familiar puffy package that normally comes from her. I actually did a hoppity-twirly sort of dance. SO HAPPY. (I love you, and thank you!) I really love snail mail.

And yes, I spent some of last night watching hilarious Arashi stuff. Was laughing so hard!!! I love the kindergarten GnoArashi episode. XD CRACKED ME UP TO NO END. And eeeeeeeps!!! So many episodes of Tokyo Friend Park!!!

I <3 my friends.

I was thinking the other day about that phrase A friend in need is a friend indeed. I'd always wondered about it before. And earlier, I supposed it meant that, when you help a friend, you can only look forward to help in return, and that's how friendship blossoms. I suppose that's true. But more recently I've realised you can look at it a different way. Some people, and I categorise myself in this group, don't ever, ever, ask for help, unless truly desperate. And even then, they ask a select people. And so when they ask for help, it is from a friend. And not just any friend either; it's a friend they know they can trust. So, when someone comes up to me and sincerely asks for help, I get it now why I feel like it's impossible to refuse. Because you know people don't just ask anyone for help. When someone asks for your help, that's when someone looks at you as a true friend. And if you don't recognise that, damn, I say.

If you've talked to me at all recently, you'll know how nuts my schedule is these last two weeks of semester. Multiple projects (a total of 5 term projects + 2 assignments) due on the same days, and multiple presentations. :S Needless to say, all of it is nerve-wrecking. But I wonder if it is my new-found adult confidence that keeps me from falling to pieces. I am constantly surprised by my lack of hyperventilation.

Don't get me wrong. There are moments of pure panic. (Haha.) Like yesterday, when I met Eunice, and started prattling to her about the things I have yet to get done -- I was quickly morphing into this @.@ and my breath kept getting stuck somewhere. And then later in the night after class, when I talked to Raphael (super-student who does one million tasks simultaneously), I felt like hyperventilating again when he asked if the state of all my projects was as bad as Human Relations that we had together.

Yes? Most of them are in a rather shabby, uncompiled, all-over-the-place mess.

But you know, when I'm alone and thinking, I actually feel okay. Maybe I'm deluded. :P Maybe it's my brain's way of self-defence, to keep me deluded about the hot boiling soup I'm in. Or maybe I have truly grown up and being depressed about stupid homework and assignments and projects is just too childish for me now. Didn't Lymond say something like, only immaturity boggles at the sad face of failure?

Or maybe you know. I've gained an unshakeable perspective on things. Because, crap, in the bigger scheme of things; in the truly, truly, truly bigger and universal scheme of things -- all I'm going through in NUS and the rat-race world in general are but peanuts. Peanuts, okay. Sure, I love learning about biology and how mathematics figures into the study of DNA and proteins (math is my favourite module currently, and amazingly so) but at the end of the day, if you ask me, the knowledge I truly treasure isn't this. My life has completely and wonderfully shifted its center and focus. The priceless knowledge about Allah and Rasul, I think, is the one I treat as truly miraculous and has kept me steadfast, somehow, and if everything else should crumble to the depths of the Earth, I will still feel okay. (:

That being said, I still can't abandon ship. All this does matter in its own way. And so, ganbarimasu! X) These two weeks will be fine.

I have bioinformatics meeting later today and I realise that yay, I have the car! Well, more like my brother has the car, so he can drive me. And I'll stop by the Central Library to watch a documentary for my human relations project.

Moving on to fandom for a bit: I am starting to really, really like Arashi's Believe. I didn't think I would! But I've had the song on repeat for a while now and there's something about it that keeps me wanting more. Sho and Aiba look good in the PV; Jun's hair is just ughhhh( and why is he wearing that bow?!); Nino looks like he's aged somehow; but Ohno is the same as ever.



Did I say Sho looked good in the video? He really does. I'm starting to love Sho a lot lately. I think I like guys in formal shirt-wear. :P

I've also listened to NEWS' new single called Koi no ABO and SIGH. -__- So far, I'm disappointed. It sounds more like a KATTUN song; it isn't catchy and just noisy. I'm hoping I'll change my mind about it over time, maybe when the PV comes out. For me, it's been downhill since NEWS released Summertime last year. Can we have nice songs, please!!! This is only feeding my theory that NEWS is the most neglected JE group. What with Pi complaining in his jweb about how he feels useless.

Okay, am back to work. :S The upside of all this is that it'll zoom by really fast and the next thing I know, it'll be the summer break and YAY THE SPRING DRAMAS. :D

I've been returning to HP a little lately. Here's the sixth movie trailer! It really looks quite promising. I think David Yates did a good job with the fifth movie; it wasn't absolutely perfect but overall, it made the best HP adaptation so far. The 6th movie makes me excited.



Danny Gokey sang What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts on American Idol tonight. And that song remains one of my favourite songs ever. I just love it so much. And so I went hunting online for their music video. Except youtube doesn't really have a nice upload of it and there are mainly tons of fanvids with this song, because people love it so much. And I decided on one of 1 Litre of Tears. Because the mood of the series matches the sadness of the song, I guess. And besides, Haruto/Aya is a tragic OTP. Warning though: this has tons of spoilers.

XD ItteQ (the amazingly funny variety show that Tegoshi features in and where they visit obscure but interesting places around the world) appeared on the American news!!! MAN. I think this variety show totally rocks. They're making their mark all over the world.

Also, friends, if there are any of you out there, help me do a short survey on Cohabitation for my USP Human Relations class? Pretty please? Go here. Thank you. :)))

D: I am having a revolution of the mind. These past few days have been mind-blowing. And I find myself tongue-tied to even begin explaining anything. It started off with the Arrivals (Thanks, Hudy.) and now I'm watching and learning so many appalling yet perfectly reasonable explanations of the state of the world, and I am brain-scrambled. Brain-scrambled and scared. Really scared.

I watched another lecture, by a Shaikh Imran Hosein: here. (Click on the other parts to get the whole lecture.) "Can someone explain to me this strange relationship between the United States and Israel?" Really. And Obama. :( How can I trust this man. The deception of everything in today's world. :S

The way the pieces of information have come together like a beautifully constructed jigsaw boggles me and I feel like bursting into tears at random moments of the day at the sheer magnitude of it all. By this time, if you're still reading this, you'll think I'm a complete nutcase who's having a repeat life crisis of some sort. >.< But this has nothing to do with insignificant me whatsoever. For once, I'm not distraught or raving about my personal likes and dislikes; but am contemplating the big picture. And in the words of my sister, "Macam mana ni!" :(

I put my faith and hope in Allah and Rasul. May we all see true beauty some day.

I'm breaking my hiatus. Because this is just too personally significant for me.

Friday night, I went out with Hudy, and we talked a great deal. About religion and faith and truths. And fate. And about the whole youtube video series called The Arrivals (where the Dajjal/Anti-Christ and the sickness of humanity are heavily discussed).

And what with tonight's amazing lecture at liqa'; I feel overwhelmed. Seriously overwhelmed. Like shaking in my shoes kind.

This is interesting; it's called Freedom Unplugged (one of the many episodes of The Arrivals). And I totally love the part about television (near the end) because it's so incredibly true. And I keep recalling everything I learnt in writing class about Walter Lippman and how the government is consistently creating a picture in our heads.



I really feel ignorance is humanity's worst disease. And if you don't do anything to fight for knowledge and truth, then you're basically wasting your time here on earth. Might as well not exist.

Bye bye. I think I'm going on a little hiatus again. Will probably post again maybe in mid/late April.

Also, finally done with driving lessons. Seriously relieved that I don't have to go to that driving centre again.

Fandom Talk (and a bit on my past life crisis.) Haha.

I can't stop or deny anymore. Unconsciously, bit by bit and over time, I've scrawled on my wish list: "Attend a JE concert." And I am fully aware this might never ever come true. I wonder what my past self would say to the me now. I'd probably think I was nuts, not to mention - wrong in so many ways. But I can't help it. :S JE just makes me happy. Happy happy happy. I think there's some truth when people say Arashi should be prescribed for depression.

Duck was lamenting how we're probably past the age for fangirling. No fair, I say. Why should there be an age limit. I think there are fangirls who are 60 years old, and it's fine. :) It's called being fans for life. I have this concept of a fan being forever a fan. I mean, I'm still an HP fan, right? I may not be stalking websites like the Leaky Cauldron anymore, but I still love HP. (It'd break my heart if someone said I didn't deserve to be an HP fan, haha.) If you truly like something, it'll always be special eh, in its own way. Be it a book, a movie, a celebrity or a guy.

Part of the reason JE became such a big thing for me was probably cause it came at the right time. I was having a life crisis at the start of last year. My dipping emotional well-being had reached the ultimate low. Only a few people know, I guess. It was a breaking-down-ready-to-drop-out-of-school-and-run-away life crisis. I was trying desperately to get off the bandwagon that is the life science industry and I just felt so ill-fitted, everywhere. (Story of my life. :P) It got so bad that I had to fight tears while riding the train to school.

It's hard to say how I did it. But I overcame this. And it has been the greatest personal triumph of my life. Bullocks to all the stupid exams I've aced in my life. Why couldn't I have had life lessons like this earlier? Why couldn't I have had my eyes opened earlier? As I've often discussed with Eunice, why aren't we ever taught the right things??? It's like finally, after reaching the lowest of the low, my perception shifted. And I started to see things differently. The glass is almost always half-full now.

Looking back - my gosh. 2008 was a great year. Haha, JE of course. APEX. Internship stint. And I think I made a boatload of new friends. And I truly started to cherish my old friendships and my family. I've always loved my friends. Always, always. But last year, it just hit me hard how fortunate I am. Some people think it's rather pitiable how I don't have that big a social circle and how, even now, I find it hard to get company for say, a trekking trip. (Am going for the Endau-Rompin trip with Muslim Society in May!) But I have a tight circle of best friends and my god, one million people wouldn't be able to replace them. Just knowing this has made all the difference.

Let's just say that when I was climbing up the hill from my pit of depression, I bumped into JE. :P And my gosh, JE will always be special this way. Listening to Arashi's crazily inspiring songs like 'We can make it through' and watching NEWS wo Abake and stumbling on Nobuta and discovering how much I could laugh and smile at all these silly things, just affirmed the fact, that hey, you know, life is great! And that it's not about hitting jackpot or scoring goals or getting it right (which is what I've been agonizing over all my life before) although they're bonuses; but it's about the little things like a friend's smile, a good family dinner or an email filled with spaz.

:S Does that look like a guilty face? I need a guilty face here. GUILTY!!!

Went to Johor with my parents today. JOHOR, OKAY. When I haven't started on my math assignment due monday. And even though I'm back now, I can't bring myself to start it. Every time I have work, it feels like I'm lugging a big rock. The inertia is truly terrible.

But dang it. Johor shopping was good. And it was a short one too.

Also, apparently, I haven't shaken the hardworking image off of me. I thought I'd lost it for good. Until someone said, "Oh, you're doing your honours right! No problem eh since you love studying!"

Oh, what the world must think of me. -_______________-

I replied, "Eheheh... Love studying? Me?" Hello, learning is different from studying. I'll admit to loving books and being fascinated by a lot of things people find mundane. But hello, who loves studying?! I abhor it! If I'd loved it, my CAP would be sky high, please. And it isn't, I promise you. I'd love for it to be so though.

okay emo-ness shall stop. goodnight!

Oh, rain. Why did you stop. You're supposed to be the reason I'm skipping class.

Sometimes, I really can't stand this whole system of doing so many modules and projects at once. It makes me so frustrated. And angry. Because how am I going to appreciate any one thing enough when I keep having to jump from one task to another? >:|

I miss the feeling of truly excelling at something. I think I felt that waaaaay back in primary school. When subjects were few and we would do math repeatedly, for say, hours. I got so good at it and I really liked figuring out new problem sums. A mastery of anything requires a 110% attention and focus, and a wholehearted investment to fully understand a subject. I think I've mentioned this before; a lot of my personal discontent stems from my knowledge that I haven't given that 110%. That input is essential for a sense of accomplishment. And since primary school days, I can count the number of times I actually felt that sense of achievement. Been wholehearted in what I do.

It's so frustrating, and more so because I know it's me. It's like I've become too insanely distracted. Never fully embracing any one task. And of course, the crazy number of concurrent projects helps the situation none at all. Somehow, I'll remedy this. Somehow. Because at the end of it all, I just need to know I've done the best that I can.

My sister left for her KL trip. Last night, she was filling in a questionnare I assume came from her teacher. It was something like a personal statement; what do you want in life, what do people expect you to do, what you want to do etc. Then she asked, "What does a career mean to you?" And I only gave it a moment's thought before I said, "A way for me to make a difference in the world." And she went like this: @.@ and said, "I always just wanted my career to be something I enjoy."

And honestly, that's what I thought I wanted for myself too. And just earning enough to go on holidays every year. And this is why, sometimes, I think Freudian slips or free association or whatnot can be so revealing about oneself. Yes, I've thought about doing fun things as a job - photography or opening a book store - but ultimately, what would give me the most satisfaction is the knowledge that I've done something greater than myself. See my idealistic fluffy notions I will undoubtedly find incredibly hard to realise? Nonetheless, no harm trying.

---

You know here comes the spaz section. :P

Been reading Yamapi's 0409 column in the seventeen mags. I finally friended the community here and the translations are fantastic, the scans perfect. And reading all of what Pi wrote, more than his jweb, reminds me why Pi is my favourite Johnny's, by a far stretch. Like for instance, in Nobuta wo Produce, Yamapi was the one who characterised Akira. Akira was initially meant to be a normal guy. Yamapi gave him the entire quirky personality. The production people were a bit unsure of this at first but it worked. And now the Nobuta trio is one of my favourite group of fictional characters.

Also: Kaname Jun revealed as one of the six ikemen in Maki's drama! :D 5 more to go.

This weekend has been an extended excursion to lala-land. I mean, seriously. I still feel the in-the-clouds highness feeling. Help me someone. It's going to hurt real bad when I finally fall back to the ground (read: real world).

Oh god. I blame JE. JEPCast. Fans flailing too much over upcoming Jdramas. (But omg, the spring dramas SOUND EXCITING.) MacDonald's delivery. My mum running a marathon of Full House. Supply of yoghurt in the fridge. Famous Amos cookies. Shota music still sounding good to my ears despite overkill times a million.

:))) Why can't I stay high like this endlessly.

A dangerously rambly post.

Nothing much new happening. But life is good. I find myself surprised at this. Because I used to be a lot more affected by the state of my schoolwork and by petty insecurities. If it's bad, then life is bad. Right now, schoolwork is not all great, but I still feel life is good at the moment. :) yay.

Strangely enough though, I had a dream last night, that brought back all my old fears. And I remember crying my heart out the way I don't allow myself to in real life, but then I woke up... and I still felt okay. Which seriously puzzled me. It's like, logically, my brain is saying I should be upset. But I'm not! @.@ I am weirded out by myself. What more everyone else. Hm.

I wonder if this is what being adult really means. I don't know. Okay, introspection is tiring. I should stop.

Okay, so what's been happening...

Last night, we had a family dinner. Just the five of us. It was nice. And okay, so my brother and mum and myself were bickering in the carpark all the way to Earl Swensen's at T3, but it still felt nice, because I don't know, it felt normal. It felt so homely. My brother just got back from his Gold Coast trip with Hussein and Hefni where they snorkled and kayaked and rode roller coasters, and brought back Billabong flip-flops for me and sis.

Also, we celebrated the first night of Maulud-ur Rasul on Thursday. I skipped Human Relations class, had a quick bite of sandwich with Eunice and then went to Abang Yan's place to read Maulud Nasr together with everyone. And we had nasi sambal goreng and ice cream and yoghurt. :) Although I was super damn tired, it was a good night.

Today, I had APEX as usual but we had a one-on-one session, instead of Sarah taking charge of Math and me taking charge of English. And when I tutored Suhaili personally, I felt myself morphing into my mum. Or what my memory of her was when she used to teach me and my siblings when we were small. I got increasingly impatient with Suhaili at her inability to grasp simple concepts at Primary 6! Primary 6 okay! Going to sit for PSLE already. I had to consciously lower my voice and stay calm. God, I want them to do well. -_- It's so frustrating sometimes. And it's unbearably frustrating how it gets reinforced every APEX session how exams destroy learning. I can't stand it. All the kids are concerned about is getting answers right, not understanding concepts. Although yes, I study for exams too, I don't think I've ever lost my fascination about learning anything new. And just. It appalls me when people behave otherwise. And at the tender age of 12 too. Kid, you have years to go.

Wow, this has been quite a ramble.

---

A not-so-quick spaz!: Maki has a new show coming in April (^o^) called Atashinchi no Danshi, where she acts as a homeless girl and then gets married to an extremely rich old man, who pitited her and took her in. But the man dies real quick, haha, and she has to live and deal with his six adopted sons (possible heirs to the fortune) who are all apparently, hot ikemen. :P OMG. I am so seriously excited for this show, you have no idea. And most of all, they haven't revealed who these 6 guys are and it is almost literally killing me! And now I hear, they are going to reveal the cast for the 6 guys one at a time from 13th to 17th March. #$&%^#$&^*&^!!!! It's real torture, man! XD And all the speculations are hilarious! People are saying, wouldn't it be great if it was the entire of NEWS? HAHA, I wish! Or Kat-tun. Or Arashi plus one (Toma, anyone?)? And the strangest thing is this unanimous and persistent wish for Ryo to be in the show, no matter what. In contrast, although fans mostly hope for Yamapi, there is this general resignation that it'd be too good to be true (haha XD) and Pi probably wouldn't ever take a supporting role now anyway (not ever since he became a demigod in entertainment), so people don't talk about Pi at all! I almost feel like all fans know not to jinx Pi by talking too much about him or bring our hopes up in any way.

Whatever. Yamapi or not, this show is already making me super-duper excited. :))))))

Although, my god, I miss NEWS so much. Of all of JE, I think they have the least things going on at the moment! Am listening to JEPCast for the first time in ages (these girls are hilarious! "Mayonaka no Shadow Boy, that cherry song?" HAHAHAHA.) and the NEWS segment is always so short O.o! I miss them. Haiyah. Arashi has soooo many things happening, and while yes, I adore them too for they are my second favourite, I resent that NEWS has like a crazily lax schedule. Nyah.

Also, omg, Kami and a few of them saw Sho in person!!! >.< SIGH. I don't need a fangirl flailing session now. I have a test on monday!

I have so much work. But I'm just sitting here. And I just don't want to start. The weather has been awesomely cool lately and perfect for sleeping in. So I did. I got back home past 12 pm today, thinking I could get loads of work in. Then I ended up lurking about fandom for a bit (I have missed it) and slept all the way till 4 pm. Woke up with a slight panic, which dissipated while having lunch (or is it tea?) and watching Innocent Love (almost done with it!).

And now I know I still have loads of work to do, but dang it. Why can't I just sit here and have fun instead. -_- Zonked. It's like I'm looking straight at a storm coming, but I'm not doing anything about it. I'm like thinking, "Oh, hello storm! It's you again. I'm too tired to deal with you." Why can't I just learn what I want to learn without having stupid assignments and exams on the side.

The past weekend, I kind of made a new friend. And I don't know, to some people, I seem to be an amazing advice-giver or stg. Sometimes I feel like a counselor. You see? I knew there was a reason I wanted to do psychology so bad. But nevermind; that's in the past. Anyway, the point is (before I ramble endlessly and incoherently), I told someone that the first thing I want in heaven is my own library. Like a humungous one, with an uncountable number of books, which I can discover at snail's pace. Oh, heaven. That is heaven. I already know what I want it to look like: nice, polished wooden floors; full-length glass windows overlooking greenery; plush sofas for sprawling. And somewhere in the corner, my laptop? Haha. And this beautiful, beautiful quiet. I've kind of always wanted that - like what Lymond said - to be able to observe the world and learn about it, but never to really meddle with it... you know?

Oh well. Anyway, in response to Duckie's post about the exit sign, here's my bro and sis and the exit sign in Japan. :P NEWS has a dance pose that looks like the exit sign running man, and my siblings have followed suit.


Also, let me post the edited versions of my Japan photos! I don't think I have. Credits to my sister, who used the online photo-editing application, Picnik.


Kirei ne! :) I want more holidays. And I want to go to Japan again.

I had a nice heart-to-heart lunch with Jean today. <3 Missed her. We've always been this way; we don't meet for ages but then when we meet up, it's like we never parted. I realise that there isn't just one person in the world you can connect with, although you may favour someone. There are many. And that's what's great. It makes all my friends special.

And then when I was walking home, a fire engine zoomed by, and I remembered that I hadn't switched off the rice cooker when I left home that morning. It was on 'Heat'. And immediately, my kancheong-ness took over. @_@ I rushed forward to see which direction the fire engine took, and it turned right into Tampines Avenue 5 and panic bells went off in my head. I was like, "It can't be, right!" I mean, it's one thing to leave the stove on. It's different when you keep your rice heated in the cooker. The rice can't possibly catch fire from over-heating, right!!! But I was still kancheong. And as I approached home, I kept sniffing the air for any smell of smoke. And my heart was like thudding and doing crazy leaps as I turned corners on the way home, and I kept praying that what I was imagining wasn't really happening. I thought of all the crazy consequences of my flat catching fire and one of my biggest concerns was my dearest laptop :P which contains precious work and trivia. And of course my parents doing everything short of outright killing me. And my brother dismayed at his damaged PS3. Haha.

But when my flat was finally in sight, there was nothing of course. (^-^") And when I got home, the first thing I did was switch off the rice cooker. Phew. I am a nut.

I was doing my bioinformatics research on epigenetics and I found a scientific paper on the study of the 'magic' gene (as in the context of JK Rowling's Harry Potter universe) by some Oxford University people. Seriously. I just wanted to laugh and laugh and laugh, because WHAT. HAHA. What is the point of it!!! XD Is it a frigging joke???????? It must be! It's like this group of biologists were damn bored and then decided to spice up their dreary report-writing days and play a prank or something.

Don't believe me? Here are snapshots. And you can go look them up yourself on google scholar. Apparently, they theorise on the existence of an epigenetic magical enhancer that acts on the chromatin of pureblood wizards, thereby activating their magic gene. @.@ I swear. HP fans are pervasive, and just plain mad at times. To think they'd write a paper on the magic gene.


On second thought. I wish I'd done this myself. :P It must have been super fun to have written this paper. I'd thought much about the magic gene too. I mean, if you like biology, you just tend to think like that. Wondering how the genetics worked. Awesome lah.

"Magic is not a dichotomous trait; we prefer the idea of magical ability, a quantitative attribute, ranging from the talents of Albus Dumbledore, Harry’s headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to the relative ineptitude of Crabbe and Goyle, the sidekicks of Harry’s nemesis Draco Malfoy. Magical ability also seems to be genetically determined, with familial aggregation highlighted by the Weasley twins who seem equally matched in aptitude, and the magical abilities of Harry Potter."

Losing is fine. As long as you know you lost to someone who is undeniably better than you. And as long as you know you fought hard. It is no good otherwise. No good. It's funny eh, the moments when truths like this finally hit home. They always happen at very otherwise unremarkable places and times. So that events you would normally forget remain ingrained in your brain forever instead. Like I was watching the first episode of Mei-chan no Shitsuji (hottest Jap drama on mysoju, apparently) and there was that one line that just made me stop: It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor, well-born or not; you'll never find happiness unless you fight. And I think it's true, it's true, it's true. Like they say, you know, this life isn't worth living, until you find something worth dying for.

Anyway, something else: Kuroki Meisa's Bad Girl PV. :( She is very very pretty. I always liked her, because she gave off this smart girl vibe although she acts rather woodenly, and I felt she was above the 'exploiting-my-body' marketing stance. But then, this happened. And I am disappointed. I am kind of afraid she'll do a Britney-like tumble into bad-girl-hell or according to my sister, become Leah Dizon No. 2. But I credit Meisa with more brains than either of these girls, so... maybe it's a little early to make assumptions. And it is only one music video anyway.

This is the rather amusing conversation my sis and I had.

A: what the F is she doing?! @_@ gila. it's like... @_@
S: That's why, I'm not sure. Just kind of gyrating at the camera.
A: but still. DAMN HOT PLS.
S: I know. She is very, very lawa. seriously.
A: YAR. uwah. but SO. SAD! so wasted liddat.
S: I dont know a guy who wouldnt be salivating at such a thing on their tv screen lah.
S: Please dont do things like this Meisa! HAIYAH
A: ): bodoh ah. maki! why you let her!
S: You know, if Maki did something like that (GOD FORBID), I might cry.
A: she wouldn't lor.
S: I know, thank goodness. Because it's all part of Maki's image.
A: omg. seriously. DAMN WASTED. what if she becomes leah dizon no. 2?!
S: I think the agency is still trying to find the best way to sell Meisa. And they're trying this.
A: it doesn't mean they should make her do THIS!
S: SIGH
A: karut ah. just bcos the title is BAD GIRL?! so many other ways to be BAD, in case si jepun2 ni tak tahu. i feel like crying every time she does tt lying on the red bed thing and looking at the camera upside down thing. like grr.
S: yar lah! she could STEAL or stg. or be a back-biting bitch. she doesnt have to show the camera almost her entire butt.
A: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA STEAL?!
S: pls dont say Abiru
A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA
S: Stealing is bad what. :P

I unconsciously hold a grudge against this Abiru girl. XD Really. Now, when I think bad girl, on top of the scant clothing, I think: "stealing glamour monkey". HAHA.

Haha, this is awesome. People are inspiring. Learning should be like this - a community effort. That's why I stick with APEX too.

Once Upon A School

During class today, Prof Ken asked, "Do you guys want a midterm or a programming assignment?" I wanted to say, "Neither!" He said, "The aim of this module is to make you learn to design algorithms." Which made me @.@ -- But we decided on midterm. So for now, phew. I have this psychological barrier against programming. It still terrifies me. But my god, if a nine-year-old can program (even if he is a prodigy), so can I. One of my goals in life is to be able to program.

It's true isn't it. Happiness is in the simple things. :) The week turned out better than I envisioned. I had a stressful time most of the week (although I met up with Sowmya and Jean on Thursday!), and finally bought panadols for my long 8-to-8 days, but then on Friday, after another lengthy bioinformatics meeting, things started looking up. I met up with Khairiah, who gave me her signature Valentine muffins. :) YUMMY. And then we met up with Hudy and we had an impromptu dinner together. I was about to introduce them to Hei Sushi, but because we were slowpokes and got there near closing time, we had to resort to KFC instead. But it was still a nice dinner.

Then today, had dinner to celebrate Mumu's birthday. At breeks @ T2. The airport was so crowded lah. Poor Singaporeans, have nowehere else to go is it. Highlight of whole outing = Eunice drove us! YAYYY. So exciting. Then we went to the beach. And had a random photo shoot with the wonderful DSLR. Being with friends rejuvenates the spirit. If not, I'd just become a total zombie.

I'm alternately listening to Shimizu Shota and old Bollywood songs. Watching Shah Rukh/Kajol is seriously nostalgic for me. You know what, I have an increasingly long list of favourite OTPs and onscreen couples. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge will always be a classic for me. Siiigh :) so awesome.

I don't want tomorrow to come. Can time stand still, please.

This past week has exhausted me. And the coming week is a predicted storm I am fretting about at the back of my mind. My brain keeps running a loop of the list of things I have yet to do, and this repetition is more exhausting than carrying out the tasks themselves. I feel zonked. Like for instance, I've been saying I'm going to do my combinatorial bioinfo homework for the last 5 hours but I keep getting sidetracked by other things, trivial and otherwise. This includes sending out emails, replying to emails, downloading Arashi vids, clearing my hard drive, reformatting my stupid external hard disk which refuses to let me store any file greater than 10GB, printing notes, blogging and whilst doing all this, updating myself with fandom tidbits like jweb entries and gossip at uwasako. Between all these, my lecture notes and tutorial remain neglected and I get seriously depressed at my inability to manage time. a.r.g.h.

Also, my back is getting more prone to aches. Eeeeps. I'm only 21 and my body seems to creak like an old woman's. Also, as much as I love my 5-year-old laptop, it is heavy. Just so so heavy. And lugging it to school is undoubtedly damaging my health in some way. What to do! What to do! I need it for class too. Should I bring a trolley to school or stg.

Oh, I shouldn't bore you with school. I shall bore you with spazzing instead. :P

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SPAZ Section

NEWS members draw foxes for WinkUp mag.

The first is Koyama's, then Ryo's and then Tego's. Massu's isn't here but he drew a ramen cup. I miss NEWS. Lately, Arashi, Nodame and Shimizu Shota have dominated my attention.

Iqah: OMG. KOYAMA'S FOX!
sham: YAR CUTE RIGHT
Iqah: AND WHAT'S UP WITH RYO'S????
sham: Macam terperanjat gitu
sham: He is gila.
Iqah: i don't get massu's either.
sham: I love NEWS. They are all sesat in their own ways.
Iqah: HAHAHAHAH
Iqah: i can laugh all night at koyama's.
sham: I KNOW RIGHT!

Ja.

Movie Rave

I just finished watching Crows Zero -- it's a manga movie adaptation about school gangs. And uh. It's mostly about fighting. There's a little about honour and comradeship and friendship. It's kind of like Lord of the Flies; in the sense that the school and underground yakuza world, like the little deserted island, becomes a whole new dimension that plays out its own politics. I like that. It's about humans returning to their most primitive behaviours. The girl played by Meisa Kuroki was rather unnecessary though; she was merely decorative. And her acting has not impressed me thus far. I should stop thinking that association with Maki makes her an equally talented actress. On the other hand -- Oguri Shun. Goodness. His acting skills aside (which he has a considerable amount), Shun is like the embodiment of coolness. Seriously. He makes the coolest gangster. When he strutted down the street, me and sis looked at each other and XD and simultaneously went, "Ohmygod, Shun." How does he do it. Be so cool. Does it immediately come with the lankiness? The long legs?

I can't think cool without thinking Shun in Crows Zero (or Shun in general -- think Hanazawa Rui). I'm trying to get another equivalent; but the boys from Outsiders don't even come close and I can't think of anybody else. Thunderbirds from Grease? :P GOD.

Okay, I should sleep. Tutorial tomorrow! And so far, I've only been pretending I know what dynamic programming is. I don't really know how to do it.

I think the bioinformatics practical is extremely irritating. EXTREMELY. No matter how many different ways you phrase the question "how different is informatics from computation", my answer would still be the same, hello. >:| So stop asking the same thing!

Another wonderful thing about Shimizu Shota - his songs make wonderful background for a bout of sobbing. Very nice. I feel soothed as I cry. I've been working too hard on being strong, that I forget how crying is good. It is cleansing. I feel better already. And then after a nice cry, you turn on some Arashi to get your spirits up! :D Ahak. See, Jpop meets my needs. Yoshi! Now I can face ttw's ridiculous bio questions again. Not that I'm crying about bio; I'm not that much of a nerd. :P

I've been listening to Shimizu Shota on repeat, almost the entire day. I've lost count the number of times I've played HOME. Gosh. He's so good to listen to. @.@ I am ADDICTED. (Scroll down to a past entry for a sampling of Shimizu!)

About schoolwork: I am afraid for bioinformatics. Also, for drug design. :s The practicals and projects seem formidable. Only my USP Human Relations module is truly enjoyable. The previous lesson, we discussed prototypes of men and women. And then we read this account of a murder, and we ranked the different people involved by the amount of blame they deserved, and everyone had very differing ideas. It was super amusing. :P

Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all. ~ Toni Morrison

Yu Jie was right about obsessions. Why do they always have to crop up during semesters. It'd be great if they could all wait and accumulate during the breaks, so that I don't drive myself to distraction during the times I'm supposed to be working. Then again, I'm always obsessed about one thing or another. :S Oh, time management skills, where art thou!

Got back from Kelantan yesterday evening. And met with a mountain load of undone work. I've made a list. And it's scary to even look at it. Nyeeah. But I shan't be depressing any longer.

Kelantan was sweet but rushed. It seemed like we dropped off, said hi and gave hugs and then left, waving madly from our car windows. It was extremely short, but still hectic and fun and I liked meeting with the kids and seeing kampung life and eating such GOOD FOOD (I need to diet badly, I think). The weather was rather unbearable though. There are a number of interesting things to mention including the state of Pakcik Mail's ancient van which looked ready to fall apart from old age and rust. We took a trip in it to Pakcik Mail's house from the hotel and Ahmad and I spotted a hole in the floor of the van. It was amusing. Also: cockroach encounter on everyone's parts. Funny in retrospect, but of course, panic coursed through me like electric current when I spotted it next to the vanity mirror at midnight, while I read a bit of The Queen of Attolia. I did a hurdle jump across my sister who was lying next to me and became annoyed at my panic, and made a mad dash for my dad's room. I ran out into the hallway in my pajamas, not caring at all and knocked on my dad's door. XD It was funny; he thought something horrible had happened and his eyes were red from sleeping but he came to our room anyway and flushed the roach down the toilet. Thank goodness. Other cockroach encounters by the others include roach in a cup and roach on toothbrushes. O.O Imagine my shudders. They were violent.

We also tried sugar cane, in its most original form! Cut into pieces and then just chewed on. It's like candy. Awesome. No wonder pandas love this stuff. :D Mami Bi also cooked her amazing mee goreng for everyone there, and the ladies learnt from her. Awesome, awesome. The little girls were very clingy but adorable and kept begging me to keep taking photos. Ah, nyah. It was a sweet experience.

My sis, with Adam, Wahidah and Adlina, outside Pakcik Mail's house. His van is in the background.

We drank fresh coconut juice! Look at Wahidah: she couldn't stop doing the peace sign once we taught her to.

At the school canteen, where we had our mee goreng feast.

Doing jumping shots with the nice 'tar-road-in-the-middle-of-the-forest' background.

The morning we were leaving, the road was suuuper empty (4 am) and we had such fun taking photos in the middle of the deserted road.

Ja! Got work to do. HAVE to get to it.

I am still so totally in love with Nodame Cantabile. I need to pimp it. WONDERFUL REVIEW HERE. Beware though; it's slightly spoiler-filled. And she kind of goes a bit over the top with her raving of Tamaki Hiroshi, XD haha. But otherwise, I agree. I adore this show to bits. And cannot wait for the future movies.

Also: Am going off to Kelantan over the CNY break, to visit Pakcik Mail's family. It's been ages since I went. I think the last time I was there was during secondary school times. So it'll be nice to go back. So, won't be around for a bit. Will probably post again near the end of next week. JA!

And Happy Chinese New Year. :)

:D I am amazed right now. Because I'm using the BioSLAX OS. It's basically an entire operating system (like Windows or MAC) for bioinformatics. And it's just! :D Quite cool to have an entire OS just for my module and bioinformatics in general. They have a lot of stuff already installed like JalView which I remember painstakingly installing during my little research experience at IBN last year. And like every other bioinformatic tool out there. Mukya! :D It feels exciting. I feel like a pro. I want to learn to be a pro. Mukya! (You can see I am still in post-Nodame excitement; Nodame says "mukya!" a lot.)

Watched Obama's full inauguration address just a while ago, because I slept incredibly early last night (at 10.30! :O) so missed it live. And I thought I was already immune to Obama's charisma; he more or less talks about the same thing every time. Unity and forefathers and sacrifice and hard work. But dang it, he has this knack of pulling the best phrases from thin air, and it's so freaking inspiring, that I cried anyway. And it's just this whole idea of building a better world and unity of humanity that just resonates in everyone, not just Americans, that overwhelms one with feeling. Because, really, most of us, if not everyone, wants world peace. Ne?

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My sis discovered a singer called Shimizu Shota quite a while back, and because sisters influence each other greatly (that's why we fangirl almost the exact same things), I have come to like this guy too. He has an awesome, awesome voice. I categorise him together with Siti Nurhaliza, Sami Yusof, Jean Baptiste Maunier and Tego too, I guess. People who are just meant to sing you know, because no matter what they sing, they're just so good to listen to. I feel like I can never get tired listening to his songs. And it helps that the songs rock too.

This is my favourite, I think. HOME, by Shimizu Shota. <3 The song is so good, I promise. It doesn't matter if you don't understand jap; music is universal, you'll understand anyway. Eheh. :P



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My sis has requested I do a synopsis of Ryusei no Kizuna for her Jap Club's Notice Board. -_- I should be paid. Seriously. Fine, I like raving about stuff anyway, but I should still be paid. Because I WANT A JOB. Can someone reccommend me a well-paying job please. I need to save some money.

Sawajiri Erika really got married. (To that 44 year old dude, no less.) O.O I really thought it was still at the rumour stage or stg. I don't know. When people near my age get married, I still get seriously weirded out. Because I still feel like I'm too young for something like this. Too young and utterly inexperienced.

Oh well. Does this mean Sawajiri is out of the entertainment scene for good? No loss for me. :P I sometimes think she was just born to play Aya in 1 Litre of Tears and then that's it. :P Like how Elijah Wood was born to play Frodo.

Anyway, TODAY I will attempt to be really hardworking. To fight old pangs of despair I thought I had thoroughly overcome.

READ NOBUTA FIC HERE: Clover

It's full of nostalgia and sweetness. I adore the Nobuta trio. I feel that burst of love for them, the way I feel a burst of love for the HP trio. :D How can I accurately describe the feeling... It's like coming home, I guess. It's familiar and wonderful and liberating. When I know I'm with my friends, I feel the same way. You know, you feel like, I can be completely me. And there's this comforting knowledge that no matter what you do, it could never be so wrong.

When I sit and talk with my cousins; the boys; basically the people I grew up playing with, it feels the same way. It feels like home. It's really quite a special thing to have known each other forever since we were born. And to have known who was the absolute scaredy-cat among us. Who was the nuttiest. And having conversations filled with, "Oh, do you remember the time he broke his thumb! And do you remember the other time - !"

There are times I feel like Nobuta and I feel like looking at the sky and just smiling, because I'm glad that somehow, I came to have people I cherish like this. (And I did just that last night, when I was walking home after four lectures in school and despite being exhausted and all.) It's like that mole analogy - how is it that a mole, digging blind and all alone underground, manages to find its mate, you know? :) Fate and miracles.

I just finished watching Nodame Cantabile. (Watch it for yourself HERE, I urge you.)

OhGOD. I'm trying very hard not to spaz. I love it so much. It's one of the best Jdramas ever for me; up there with Nobuta and Hana Yori. I don't understand why I didn't watch this sooner. And I don't just love it; it's really, objectively, very very well-done. You know... how some shows are well-done but I don't love it so much; and there are some shows I adore to bits but aren't exactly great productions. But this one. This one. O.O It's seriously good; seriously. It just had the perfect elements of everything for me. It had the whole Hana Kimi or manga style of crack comedy - with crazy kyaa-ings and weird characters - but at the same time, there's like amazing non-slapstick humour too; ridiculously-insane-made-me-laugh-out-loud dialogue. And all the beautiful friendships formed. And just. Chiaki Shinichi was played superbly, I think. The way he transformed throughout the story seemed so natural and effortless and real. And although Nodame irked me a little with her incredulous mannerisms, she grew on me like she grew on Chiaki. And the Chiaki/Nodame pairing is just all kinds of entertaining. XD The drama just built up nicely and ended perfectly and ohmygod -- THE MUSIC.

THE MUSIC. This drama is making me regret my absolute lack of knowledge of classical music and like DUCKIE, teach me something! :O Haha. I don't know much about orchestras and performances and possibly I am slightly tone deaf, but the finale performance of Beethoven Symphony No. 7 was amazing and made me feel like squealing and when they finished I clapped quietly but enthusiastically in my bed, trying hard not to wake my sister at this ungodly hour. I really didn't want this drama to end. :( And I watched it within two days too.

I give this drama five hearts. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Hee.

Hello friends. Come sign a petition for a ceasefire in Gaza HERE. Avaaz will be compiling a million signatures to urge Obama to do something once he steps into office on Tuesday. It will also be sent to various other authorities like UN's Ban Ki-Moon and the league of Arab nations and maybe, something can be done to stop this evil.

Nights like these. When I'm taking a breather from fandom and I'm not msn-ing and spazzing. I try hard not to blog hop. (Tonight, I am succeeding!) For me, blog hopping is just one of those things you know is bad for you, but you end up having some any way. Like candy, or chocolate, or heroin. Because as we've ascertained, blog hopping is a depressing affair. It is dispiriting to see other people's happy faces plastered on my screen, as they flounce around in some big, wild party. Am I sadistic? Maybe, eh. It's just. I like to live in my bubble. And looking at other people breaks that bubble. I like to know only of my business, and my friends, and fandom.

Oh, Obama is coming into office real soon, right? I hope he does something ASAP when he steps in. I can't stand listening to the news anymore or receiving all the depressing chain emails of the suffering in Gaza. It's sickening to keep hearing of how the world is protesting and facebook-ing about stopping the war but nothing is really being done to stop Israel's crazy, evil rampage. Seriously can't stand it. The helplessness is sickening. I can't stand myself. I watch the news. Feel sickened. Then move on with daily life. Watch the news. Feel sickened again. Move on with daily life. @.@ It's just. Sometimes, I just don't want to know anymore okay. Because, what can you do. Seriously. I am sick of it. It's like when you know... you just need to do something. But what. whaaat. It's just. eeeeeeeeeeeyar. Stop being evil, damn it!

Been trying to convert portions of my Jap Holiday video into shorter wmv files. Here's one of the Shinkansen ride. We were going from Osaka to Tokyo on the third day, and my mum was kan-cheong as ever so we were waiting on the train platform extra early and it was frigging cold. And so I occupied myself with filming the train that came by before ours.

Song is Push On! by NEWS, of course. :P

OMG. WHY IS IT SO FRAKKING IRRITATING. I can't find any good references on QSAR! Other than the fact that it stands for Quantitative Structure-Activity Relationship, I know little more about it. And I'm supposed to be giving a lecture on QSAR sometime this semester. -__- Okay, there's still loads of time, but dang it. This is just frustrating. Every book I google up on the net is not available at the national library. And I tried looking at the school's science library too, but that came up with nothing as well. I need to do more thorough searches. >:| Man. This is frustrating.

School restarted yesterday. It was four lectures back-to-back for me, from 12 to 8, and let's just say I had brain-shock or stg, because it's been some time since I did work. Halfway through combinatorial bioinformatics, my headache started. And my head throbbed throughout the rest of the day until I got into bed at about 10. It dissipated as I watched Ryusei. Haha.

I loved Ryusei no Kizuna. :) Was very impressed by it. The entire cast. And the amazing blend of humour and mystery and family drama. I mean, this drama really made me laugh out loud at many parts. So MUCH wonderful crack. And awesome acting by Nino. To be honest, the last episode was a slight let-down. I'd expected a more wow ending, but it was still nice, I guess. Enjoyed it all very much. A WONDERFUL REVIEW HERE.

I feel like now that the sem has restarted, my mood to blog will progressively get less frequent.

A quote from cynicalism's fic: "Yeah, what do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply."

XD whaaaaaat.

Right now: my brain = jumble of thoughts. This is why some people blog; to sort out their thoughts. Granted, why do it publicly? I guess it's nice to be heard. Especially if you're some small fry with no power or influence, and you just want to shout a little, "Hey, I may have some good ideas to share too, you know!"

Last night, the family discussion was BLOGS. And how like apparently the entire world knows my blog. And by entire world, I mean the entire Bafadhal clan or stg. Plus people I've been to school or work with throughout my life. And their friends. Seriously, at this stage of my life, I really don't care much anymore. This blog has been with me as I grew up, and for that simple fact alone, I'd like to keep it. And hello, it has a wonderful URL!!! It's like I'm the only Shamiah or the first Shamiah in the world. :D Also, also, also: somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm aiming for a place in the Guinness Book of Records for longest-running blog ever. (I don't know how realistic this is. Heeeh.)

So, when my brother tells me, "So-and-so reads your blog, you know!" I tell him, "-_- I had already guessed." And don't give me horrified looks. (He squawks, "You put my photos on your blog!" Muaha. Why should he care. His girlfriends put a ton of his photos on the web. I have more right because of blood relation. :P) I am also learning to deal with the fact that I am crazy on my blog and this does not seem be very in sync with how I appear in person, and that this surprises some people. And yes, I do get embarrassed sometimes that CRAP, THE ENTIRE WORLD SEEMS TO KNOW ABOUT MY JAP OBSESSION although I swear, I always try to suppress my spazzing by at least ten-fold. But haiyah. Whatever. I am an uncontrollable force. :P

You know, I thought I had a point to all this blog discussion, but eh... no. Ahak.

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On Friday, Eunice and I watched Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea, to celebrate Eunice passing her driving test! :D Our verdict: VERY VERY cute but incomprehensible. XD HAHA. For instance, what creature is Ponyo exactly??? She started off as seemingly some undifferentiated ectoplasm in the sea. But has magical powers. IT'S JUST SO FUNNY AND CUTE, but honestly, we don't get it. HAHA.

Here is the Ponyo Song! With Jap subtitles.



And this one is the full song with Eng subs.



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Promo pics of Nakushita Kioku, the TegoMakiMatsuKen movie! (God, I can't believe I just wrote that, haha.)

Here: http://pics.livejournal.com/calledinvain/pic/005gbt6g

Someone said at helloyourself: Occasionally, Tegoshi can look manly. Somewhere, D is choking on her tofu soup.

Someone else said: @ a certain angle, Tegoshi does look a little Yamashita-esque.

WAHAHA. Yes, Tego is manly now. Nyaaaaaah. I am seriously amused. And I've always suspected that Tego tries to be like Pi. :P Nevermind, Pi, imatation is the highest form of flattery. Heh.

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Kak Naz is over at our house now, and we've established that chibi me looks like chibi Aaliyah. :D We compared baby photos! Haha. I was a cute baby. What happened, man. Haha.

A bit of randomness today:

1) I hate the comfort driving centre website. It keeps stalling. -__- And I am seriously losing enthusiasm for driving.

2) I am lazy to check with the Science Dean's office if my Drug Design ISM form is okay or not.

3) Woke up this morning to my sister shouting that HSJ was on MTV. Yay! Your Seed was playing. When will I see NEWS on tv, I ask you.

4) JDorama progress: Ep 5 of Innocent Love (which gets uploaded at snail's pace, dang it.) and Ep 6 of Ryusei no Kizuna.

5) Still have not started on holiday video! ahhh!

6) Also, was laughing away when I voted for Colin as Mr. Harvard Freshman this morning. Just - it is funny! XD Who would have thought! Colin = Mr Beauty Pageant. At least, they don't discriminate against height, I say.

7) A crazy quote from the people at helloyourself: It's not like we operate on the Giant Panda rule of cute: just because they are, you can't smoosh them together and hope for babies. Ahahaha. Omg. Whaaaat. XD

8) I want several things: dvd of the NEWS winter con (plsplspls, Johnny!) where yamapi apparently moonwalked (I have to see that!); also, yamapi on VS Arashi!!! I cannot wait lah. Also the release of Nakushita Kioku, the movie TegoMaki are gonna be in - when is it happening! Most of all, I want the miracle of a yamaki drama/kurosagi season 2. -_- If that happens, I dont know... I'll do something crazy in happiness. I'll bake a cake for everyone. I also want NEWS to have their own show. :(

And I want to RAISE MY CAP. Dear Allah and Rasul, help me help myself.

9) Getting slightly nervous about the new school sem. Psyche up, friends!

Ja.

Being a parent is like being the Dark Knight. (Yes, I'm referring to Batman - you watched the movie, right? If you haven't, GASP. Please do.) That's what I decided after watching Kak Asmah and thinking about my mum (and other wonderful mums out there) and recalling a memorable quote from Everybody Loves Raymond: If your kid doesn't hate you, you ain't doing your job well. (Something along those lines. Raymond answers his dad, with a deadpan face, "Then let me congratulate you on your resounding success." Haha!)

Why is a parent like The Dark Knight? Because like the Dark Knight, a parent has to do the necessary evils; make the difficult choices. Be a freaking monster, metaphorically, if need be, so the kid knows to be disciplined, knows what's right from wrong and knows he can't get his way all the time. Essentially, make your kid hate or fear you, if that's what it takes. Yes, I believe that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. Really, parents. Be the Dark Knight. So your kid turns out right. Let's have less of spoiled brats in our Primary 1 classes. I've seen them. They're horrifying. And I had always wondered where all the good kids had gone. Now, I'm thinking the right question should perhaps be: Where are the Dark Knights?

I haven't had the privilege to be a mother yet, but I've already started to understand how wonderful my mum is. And how special a mother is. (Daddys too, but always, always, and always mummys more.)

And anyway, at the end of the day, you know The Dark Knight always wins.

I found a nice meme from kamika's blog!

Year in Review Meme

Take the first sentence (or two) from the first post of each month of 2008. That's your year in review.

January 1st

I met up with my primary school friends today!

Oh yes, I remember having meet-ups with Shahirah and Delfina and Yusrina and Mateen and eating at Fig and Olive. And I also went to Shahirah's birthday party. Qiaonan will always be a sweet, sweet memory.

February 1st

Sometimes I think I'm so psychologically damaged, it's not funny.

Oh man, my emo-ness. I remember how I'd posted that after a very random outburst, where I kind of cried at my parents. I think it was about being pressurized to do everything well. And then when I reflected, I kind of boggled at my own nuttiness and volcano-like outbursts.

March 6th

C++ midterm. ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE.

HAHA. My crazy computing modules. It's amazing I've survived them.

April 6th

I want to make this entry the last one in a long time. Cause I have to stay away and study.

I had a bit of a blogging hiatus back in Sem 1. I think I felt a little suffocated by the knowledge that people I don't know were possibly reading my blog, so I wanted to take a break and continue writing in private, without inhibition. Creativity cannot work under pressure. Eheh.

May 2nd

Nothing imprisons oneself like the exam period.

I was still having exams, but they were ending. My life centers around school. As it should, I suppose?

June 1st

This morning, my dad had a strange mood swing and burst into our rooms at 8.30 with a wide smile and announced that we were going out for a day excursion.

Random outings with family have always been a clear feature in my life. I'm happy for it. :)

July 2nd

SLEEEEEPY. -_-

I was in the middle of my internship thing at IBN. And had to wake up early every morning. Heh.

August 8th

photos! from escape2008 (:

The short chalet stayover we had at Downtown East. 'Twas fun.

September 1st

It's the fourth week of sem. And things are approaching a lull.

Deep into schoolwork again. I'm a boring person, am I not? How depressing. A large part of me wants to go on adventures around the world, I assure you, but just... no means, and all the wrong circumstances.

October 3rd

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!! :)

This raya was no better than the previous ones because I was so bogged down by work that could only afford 2 and a half days of raya celebrations.

November 1st

Oh dear. Where did October go. I've been getting lazier and lazier to update this place.

I think I always just get lazy to blog during school semesters or stg... cause there's nothing truly interesting happening?

December 1st

Today's math stats paper was keeerrrraaazzy.

Exams again. Wow. BORING LIFE, MUCH? Haha.

~~~

Am off to Cik An's place for a farewell-cum-new-year party in a while. So... Happy New Year! To a beautiful (and less boring?) 2009!