I'm pushing it too close to the finish line this time, I'm not so sure this will successfully publish before the turn of the year. The procrastinating is terrible; I was stewing over various thoughts the past days and weeks, about what would be a good summary of this year other than the same virus story everyone shall be lamenting about. But aside from surface events that often bear little change in my life (or at least I fail to report on...), I really wanted to give a nugget of conclusion to this year.
If only it was as easy to crystallise what has changed internally... I simply know that something core has shifted, and I am afforded increasing glimpses of a future serenity. Of a calm and knowing. I had, I think, almost a week of such a state, wherein my mornings felt energizing and the ground I walked on seemingly limitless, seemingly only a temporary path as I surely will trod on somewhere greater just around the corner. There was almost a buzzing expectation that maybe I hadn't felt since I was a child. Somehow, I feel this year, was my relearning all this; the little secret behind things. And while I flow in and out of this state, my most major goal henceforth, cryptic as I always am, will be to sustain this.
I am perhaps understanding... that it is the door to every success in this world and the next; a gratitude that is not just lip service, but lived. Insya Allah.
