I recently started a Floortime certification course (a one-year-long therapy training on relationship building as a foundation for learning) and we had an orientation session where we introduced ourselves and our professions and what we loved most about our work.
I couldn't articulate it well enough at the time, although I did say something along the lines of being able to make a difference in the child's schooling life and participation as a motivating aspect of my work; but because I've been mulling in the dumps over the past 24 hours it came clearer to me what I love most about my work actually.
It's this moment I sometimes get with a child when he or she finally fully opens up and blooms; this quite exquisite moment you can almost see at times, as a spark in the eyes; they usually start expressing themselves no matter how much they can do so verbally or not -- and it is the most wonderful, wonderful feeling. It's like this moment when you feel they finally get that, hey, it's okay. It's completely safe here, and you can talk to me. This child just becomes happy, simply happy, and accepted, and will tell you a million wonderful things in their little wonderful ways, and they're not thinking about how they're doing or failing or lacking, or how adults are looking at them, or if what they're saying is silly. And typically when this happens, I don't have my therapy goals in mind and I'm just having a real exchange with this child, you know. It feels so good.
Today, it finally crystallised for me, that obviously I crave this in return, or craved this in my childhood past. And it's just so nice to at least be able to give it, in some regular way, in abundance. It's like some weird vengeance-type mission to not have any child feel not-enough. I am sick of people making the world difficult for other people, even if it be in ignorance.
This was partly triggered by this video I'd seen earlier today:
Thursday, May 28, 2020
Selamat Hari Raya!
Nothing much else to say after that, other than maybe,
may blessings keep showering down on us all! Covid or otherwise.
I came across this short clip (although I think I had been previously vaguely aware of this),
and I need to post this here because I often pray for patience on my blog!
I should pray more for ease and blessings.
Insya Allah, Allah give me much goodness and bounty from You.
You know those days when you're sad for no reason, Your body's heavy, and everyone else seems busy and fired up... I can't take another step, I feel I'm already behind, The whole world seems so hateful. There are speed bumps everywhere, My heart crumples and I just talk less and less. Why? I've been running so hard. Why is this happening to me? Back home, I lie on my bed, I think, "Is it my fault?" In the midst of this dizzy night, I glance at the clock. It's almost midnight.
Will anything be different? Probably not. But even so... today is done. When the hour and minute hands align, The world holds its breath for a moment -- Zero o'Clock!
Ooh ooh and you're gonna be happy, Ooh ooh and you're gonna be happy, Like the snow that just fluttered down Let's breathe, like it's the first time... Turn this all around When everything is new, at Zero o'Clock.
---
I was out this morning to get my swab test done in anticipation of our returning to work sometime next month. This song came over my ears as I walked home and it was just timely and nice and filled me with such hope. So relatable. We all have those slug days (as E and I like to call them), but then this song made me pause, and think, It's okay; there's tomorrow.Come on!Halsu isso! Ganbatte. It made me feel less alone too; we all have such days, eh.
I'm a lot more cognizant and conscious now of my thoughts and internal verbal commentary -- so wonderful, hopeful songs like this (which I've always actually been a fan of) are extremely welcome. Listening to this song, walking a long slow walk home, and stopping by random open stores to do some shopping felt like an amazing blessing. It felt like...
yes, I'm gonna be happy now.
Monday, May 18, 2020
You care so much about why things aren't better, that you can't let go and let things be better.
~ Abraham Hicks
Saturday, May 16, 2020
The compelling thing I find about Jordan Peterson is that he is often able to put really abstract, spiritual, psychological ideas, or metaphors into these logical connections that you can't help but agree with. It's amazingly refreshing, and I find myself on occasion needing a little bit of his perspective, after delving into various topics. Especially if those topics tend to be very abstract and metaphysical and 'fluffy' in certain corners -- Mr Peterson puts you back on solid ground with those concepts.
Well, what else would come out of chaos? If you fall apart and then you put yourself back together, what is it that comes back out? Well, at least you were in better shape than you were before. Then maybe you do that 20 times in your life, or 50 times, and you do it voluntarily. Every time you do it, you're more like the thing with the halo and less like the thing that's being thrown overboard by your friends.
...
Just because something terrible happens to you, doesn't mean you get to wander off the path and make things worse. Maybe it doesn't matter how terrible it is what happens to you.
... maybe the only real misfortune is to become corrupted.
He makes it so clear to me. It's like, I know these stuff, you know. My religion tells me to be good, and kind, and respectful to my parents and all humans, and do good deeds to purify yourself. But Mr Peterson tells it straight and ruthless to your soul and addresses your dark impulses: oh, life is difficult, is it? Humans are mean to you? I'm sorry dude, you still have to play nice and play by the rules. It's not an excuse for you to be evil. And it reminds me of Joker, the movie, you know? That whole argument about society creating the very evil that torments it. Which has a lot of truth, certainly. But then is Arthur not at fault? He is still at fault, is he not, because no matter how terrible humans have been around him, his entire life, it doesn't give him license to be evil or cruel. At book club, we often come down to this dichotomy: this path that creates both the hero and the villain. A lot of characters are one or the other inclined. Because the very same excuses and circumstances that can drive one to horrendous action, can create nobility when endured and overcome. And it brings us to that other dichotomy about what actually has control over our lives and our destinies -- are we always a result of our environment, or do we have power over our lives (respectively democrats/liberals vs. conservatives, to be terribly reductionist, ahah)? I think I perhaps used to have too much sympathy for the former, but in recent times, I swing from one end to the other, I feel. (Oh, the ever elusive ideal, balanced position.) Perhaps when one grows and matures into higher awareness, it becomes more sustainable to keep middle ground, to have sympathy and empathy, and yet have solid control over one's decisions and path.
God, grant me equanimity and patience and the ability to see the right path.
And then later Datin S shared this beautiful excerpt about working through such things, you know.
"Yet the jungle challenges our spirit of adventure too. It invites us to risk the pioneering journey through the obstacles we meet in the long and arduous process of becoming who we truly are. It is no accident that so many archetypal stories tell of how the beautiful princess can only be reached by the prince who has the courage to struggle through the dense and fearsome forests to liberate her. We are both prince and princess in our own stories. There is a pearl of great price to be discovered, and it will only be found if we risk the struggle to penetrate the entanglements of our fears."
As a last bit to this compilation of new learnings in recent days, here is something I've learnt, about organising my mind, reducing mental noise, and having clarity. I used to talk about compartmentalizing thoughts as a necessity to coping with my used-to-be-uncontrollable-emotional-states, but thus far, it had been largely lip service. But here, I'd learnt about an amazing visualization process for my mind, that really tells me to go to a room in my head for particular tasks! I was super excited to discover this. Insya Allah, this shall be another step towards productivity! I often feel very defeated when I think about how productivity for me appears to be like a mountainous task and yet for other people they live with enviable levels of efficiency and I wonder how they function internally as humans (cough all the SJs in my life, cough) -- but I've learnt to appreciate personal goals and personal gifts.
Creating imaginary spaces and rooms (with accompanying decor haha) is super fun.
O Allah, Verily I ask You by the light of Allah's tremendous Countenance, that fills the pillars of Allah's tremendous Throne, and by which Allah's worlds were established-- that You send prayers upon our liege lord Muhammad the possessor of tremendous rank, and upon the family of the tremendous Prophet of Allah, as great in magnitude as Allah's tremendous Essence, with every glance and breath, and as many times as the number of what is contained within the knowledge of Allah, the Tremendous, with a prayer that is perpetual by the perpetuity of Allah, the Tremendous. (This I ask) out of reverence for your right, O liege lord, O Muhammad, O Possessor Tremendous Character. And send peace upon him and his family with the like thereof. Join us together just as You have joined the soul (ruh) and the self (nafs)-- outwardly and inwardly, in wakefulness and in sleep, and make him, O Lord, a soul for my essence in every aspect, in the lower world before the Hereafter, O Tremendous.
~ The Muhammadan Litanies, Shaykh Yusuf al-Nabahani
This makes me want to cry a little.
Mostly because I grew up with this but only now read the full meaning.
It must have been one of the first things I recited from memory as a child, just from having heard it read repeatedly around me (I've recently reflected as a speechie how blessed I am to have an exceptional verbal memory, Alhamdulillah).
I hope that even in ignorance, prayers can be answered.
I hope that in all our heedlessness, God will still be Kind and Generous.
Actually, in truth... what other state can humans be in, but ignorance. The flipside of gaining morsels of knowledge is realising what depths of ignorance one has been mired in. It promptly makes me feel hopeless, but then I come full circle to my earlier statement: to be hopeful of the mercy of the Divine.
