After the previous post, E unsurprisingly texted me: what's up with the emo!


... what can I do?

Late night posts -- and I only ever seem to get in a writing mood late at night -- inevitably have emotions running wild. It's when your brain starts to sleep and emotions awake, you see.

I have a rule for myself -- when things get posted, I never remove them (unless it ever comes to the point when an external party requests; guhhhhuh when would that ever be the case). I am a stickler for authenticity. Even if you may not feel like that now, you felt like that then. So don't deny the parts of you that are still you.


It's like that quote from George Bernard Shaw's Candida that stuck with me --

“Do you think that the things people make fools of themselves about are any less real and true than the things they behave sensibly about? They are more true: they are the only things that are true.”

Because they represent deep-seated stuff about you that you never reveal except at moments of unguardedness. I wish we could be all be more true, and less sensible.

And.... this has been a nice distraction!

words would limit this miasma in my heart
but if I don't attempt to give words to these intangibles, they will sit like poison inside.

Selamat Hari Raya!


Super late post -- but hey, it's still Syawal.

I've had a post simmering in my head for weeks, and had serious things to rant about, and some thoughtful things to share about, and heartaches to soothe -- but gah, I'm exhausted. And sometimes, the more I want to write, the bigger the imaginary draft is in my head, and the harder it appears for me to get to writing cause I keep waiting for a perfect window of time, but that window of time never seems to come!

For now, just let me blog list-like; the reasons I'm so exhausted include:

- Ongoing raya festivities, which is hey, a good thing, but stuffing oneself with food, and alternately stuffing other people with food is a time-consuming activity

- Hanen parent workshop just started i.e. I am working so many Saturdays I cry from lack of sleep; basically the rare Saturdays are the only times I get to sleep in and for now I don't anymore; and I find it so impossible to be disciplined about sleeping early, so basically I sleep so little -- I'm really endangering my eye and brain health if I keep this up.

- Training for a new feeding-related clinic also just started, ohgoshhhh. I want to do well at this. I'm actually feeling interested about the theory bit and that's always a good sign: because I'm the type to do really well at the stuff I like, and be completely crap at things I find boring, no matter if you tell me how important it is. So yes, I pray this turns out well, insya Allah.

- It's about two months in to my new Arabic classes that are scheduled Monday nights (on top of my consistent Sunday Arabic classes) -- and god, I am feeling the pain. What was I thinking, having a full-blown stressful class right after work. I do this to my own life, don't I? Why am I so stubborn and nutso. Why. why, S, why. Why do you frustrate even yourself, or more like, especially yourself. And now I am rambling and digressing from the topic of Arabic class so I shall stop.

- Projects we should be getting to but we keep stalling because of concurrent work and all of the above. Why do I feel like there's always one million things happening at once. (ohmygod, is my thyroid acting up.)


Barely two months out of the peaceful highlands and I am already yearning to be back.

And I'm still waiting for that perfect window of time so that I can blog-post my thoughts properly. Ah, me and my stubbornness, and my need for downtime.

this nice music video here though 

-- I'm revisiting old favourite dramas that are familiar and heartwarming, because investments in new dramas again require energy and time, and I'm short on those. 

ohmygosh, Healer: 

I think you have a high chance 

of being top on my list of favourite dramas of all time.