I am so tired tonight, ahakz. I stayed at the office late just so I could finish all my work for 2014, then I got home and started binging on Supernatural and KFC like a brain-dead zombie.

I watched this episode of Supernatural:

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 10







Haha! And just when E was telling me how X-files (or was it Buffy?) had a musical episode, and I happily commented, well, yes, I can't ever imagine Sam and Dean singing a musical number, that's why it hasn't happened. Apparently, I should bite my tongue -- they managed to make a musical episode, embedded within some meta-fiction!

I half-hate it. Meta often feels fan-nish and tacky. But at the same time, it offers such hilarious stuff -- and that's why I really can't hate it all that much. (I mean, seriously, if you think about it -- we totally transplanted ourselves into our fandom when we were in our teen years; it was hilarious and incredibly fun, but ridiculously embarrassing.)

I've decided I like this, ahahah.


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Anyway, finally -- I've had my last day of work for 2014. And I'm looking forward to my trip! (((:

I don't know what I'm expecting, but I really -- wish, hope, pray -- that when I'm back, somehow, I'll... feel different. Figure out things more, see more. Be better, be inspired. Insya Allah, Amin.

The last time I was in Egypt was literally 10 years ago!

You can't just have sincerity; you need sincerity and guidance. You've got to be mukhlis with guidance, and that's called mukhlas.

-- Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

This explains a lot of people. And we should always check every now and again, if we happen to be one of them. Sincerely problematic.

insya Allah, all is well

Had lunch with the Linear Algebra peeps this afternoon, and we concluded it with a round table on the highs and lows of 2014 -- and it has compelled me to blog, because I've been meaning to, and because it's December and my reflection for the year is due!

So here come the bullet points because my capacity for writing continuous prose has severely deteriorated.

• First off, it fills me with a deep sadness that I am writing in bullet points again. What has become of this space! I have no inspiration or mood to write anymore, and I am wont to blame it on the busy working life. :( Inspiration comes from good, lengthy down-time, when you let thoughts simmer and slowly come to life.
• Which brings me to point 2 -- I have been complaining a lot about this year; and I am not happy that I am complaining so much like an ungrateful brat. :((( It's just that this year has been the year when WORK WENT NUTS. Like work suddenly decided to dump a crazy amount on my plate and my plate is still overflowing, and has no signs of clearing. Ever.
• Inpatient training! Wraps up a lot about 2014 for me. Bad experience. Good lessons.
• 3-day work week (or something equivalent) -- a future that I hope to realise. Because I want my life to grow in many ways, not just one, and not when it burns me out like this.
• I feel the hard times made me closer to some of my friends this year! 
• A crazy number of books bought and hoarded.
• Nice work trips! KL, and Medan.
• Egypt and Istanbul trip coming up! The former for a Mawlid gathering that has been a loooong time coming, and the latter for a quick holiday. I'm hoping both of those will conclude the year on a high note for me. And fill me with zest for what's to come, 2015 and beyond.

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oh, heart! how I adore you.

yes. in good moments like tonight, I contemplate everything and feel happy.

Insya Allah, all is well, though much is unclear in this messy world.

Lack of discipline is the source of all evil: whoever does not obey, will be disemboweled by the admiral.

-- apparently a French wisdom, quoted by Lymond, in Pawn in Frankincense

And I quote here because I know discipline is what I sorely lack. (and yes, against my better judgement, I am re-reading Pawn in Frankincense because I got excited about going to Istanbul -- a revisit after ~16 years, whoo!)

Ideas get nowhere if one has zero discipline. :(

How to get over lack of discipline, if one is not disciplined to begin with??? I need an outside intervention.

Sadness.

God, give me inspiration and motivation.

I will work hard! Tomorrow... ZZZzzz.

No, seriously. Tomorrow.

because this country is run like a corporation

Oh, Singapore. Please let's move toward a better life.

Let's think less of money and profits and being first in everything, 

and more about building a sustainable and enriching life.