I've been thinking, and thinking so hard about whether I should blog, but then I realise I can't bring myself to. Not right now; maybe I will, on some other night. When I feel less like a bruised melon.

So instead I leave myself with this:

"You’re not bitter," he said. "He left you, too, and you’re not bitter. How do you manage that? Is it some Gryffindor thing I’ll never understand? I thought maybe," and he looked back down at his shoes, "maybe you didn’t care about him anymore."

"I do care," she said.

"But what if he isn’t worth it?"

She sighed. When she leaned back against the window, the glass was cold against her skin. “He is worth it. But even if he wasn’t, that wouldn’t mean I was wrong or foolish to love him, or that my loving him had been a mistake. We don’t love people because they deserve it. In the end what’s important is what that love says about you, that you’re capable of loving someone like that; most people aren’t capable of a tenth of that kind of real love, a hundredth of it. Most people would be terrified of it, if they could even imagine it. But you aren’t — you weren’t. You broke that bottle of antidote without thinking about it — ”

"Not entirely," said Draco, "without thinking about it."

This verse:

“Do you suppose that you will enter Paradise untouched by the suffering endured by the people of faith who passed away before you? They were afflicted by misery and hardship and were so convulsed that the Messenger and the believers with him cried out: ‘When will Allah’s help arrive?’ They were assured: ‘Behold, Allah’s help is close by.’” 2:214

It makes me scared... I mean, does it imply that if my life has not been afflicted to such an extent, it will be at some point? Otherwise, if I haven't been hit with such misery, have I been overlooked by God -- which is surely worse than being afflicted?

Or maybe, I have been hit with misery before, just that I don't know it -- haha, what the ridiculousness.

Or... I'm thinking -- the you addressed in this, as always, is Rasulullah s.a.w. (and his sahabahs); who as pioneers of the Deen were tested to the ends of their endurance in order to establish the ummah.

Oh noes -- what I should really do is ask someone who might actually know the answer.

Okay, goodnight.

Nows-adays, I like to remember the line: 

Keep on walking ahead though the answer can't be seen.

Have recently been connecting situations to peribahasa Melayu:

Bawa resmi padi, makin berisi, makin tunduk.

and

Hendak seribu daya, tak hendak seribu dalih.

endless game

Usually, I prefer the genki ni natte type of songs from Arashi. 

But I've recently started on Sho's J-drama Kazoku Game, and it's been intriguing;

 and this weird and confusing song has gotten to me (6 months late! have been so out of the JE loop).

The world dims

My memory rewinds

What is there?

Let's open that door

Reset to reality

Go on ahead to the end

Though the answer can't be seen

I feel like the song really is about Sho's character -- Yoshimoto Kouya, whose true identity is part of the mystery arc of the whole drama. Clearly, the guy has issues: working as a tutor to save a boy from bullying in the day, but every night retreats into a guilt-ridden hell about his mysterious past. 

SPOILER

(from the finale of Supernatural Season 8)

These Winchester brothers -- made me cry over their love.

And made me remember why I love this story.

#$%@$^$#%@^$ propaganda crap!

What the frak is this?!?!

To say that I am annoyed with this piece of propaganda crap is an understatement.

I found this from mr.brown's post here, that he took from The Straits Times.

So typical of the kiasu government to think that the moment we endeavour to take a little breather and step off the accelerator, our lives will careen completely into poverty. 

Takde iman! 

is what my Mum would say.

Stop treating Singaporeans like bloody fools, can or not.

Also, this was exactly what I was arguing about with my friends the other day, and for it to be officially thrown in my face like this by our local paper -- wah, really sets me on fire. Not to mention that my dad is sick after working the entire weekend and Monday (because of the Singtel cable catching fire episode) -- and now seeing this. Eeesh. We are not hamsters on a wheel.

One who wraps himself

             By Rumi 

God called the Prophet Muhammad Muzzammil,
“The One Who Wraps Himself,”
and said,
“Come out from under your cloak, you so fond
of hiding and running away.

Don’t cover your face.
The world is a reeling, drunken body, and you
are its intelligent head.
Don’t hide the candle
of your clarity. Stand up and burn
through the night, my prince.

Without your light
a great lion is held captive by a rabbit!

Be the captain of the ship,
Mustafa, my chosen one,
my expert guide.
Look how the caravan of civilization
Has been ambushed.
Fools are everywhere in charge.
Do not practice solitude like Jesus. Be in
the assembly,
and take charge of it.
As the bearded griffin,
the Humay, lives on Mt. Qaf because he’s native to it,
so you should live most naturally out in public
and be a communal teacher of souls.”

nina!

This girl is so good with her languages! Now that I've worked substantially with parents and their kids, I feel it's partly cause Papa is excellent with her that she's become so good, really. Yes, occasionally, he makes her copy words or phrases, but Papa usually employs typical stimulation strategies we use in clinic, such as: 

(i) following her lead (this kid basically has her Papa around her pinky, but she's such a wonderful little girl, it doesn't matter!)

(ii) never negating what she says or forcing her to say certain words, only rephrasing or repeating to give her the correct model of language 

(iii) adding on to her ideas by expanding on her utterances

(iv) thinking of ways to make her say more by cueing her e.g. pretending he doesn't know the answer or saying the wrong answer

Even in this other video below, he does similar things. Okay, he asks her a lot of questions here, but since she's able to answer them and he also keeps commenting, it's fine. Not 3 years and Nina already has all her wh- questions down and has adjectives and descriptives in her vocabulary.

If I ever have kids, I want them like Nina.

Little girls are awesome and wonderfully chatty. And you're guaranteed so much love (if you raise them right). How have people in history not wanted them before? Insyirah gave voice texts via whatsapp addressing her Nanis and her Amatis and telling us to come see her in Qatar -- so cute, I want to dieeeee. And it makes me anticipate the December holiday even more.

This may seem confusing, but I love it. One of the most necessary things to understand about our religion, I feel.

Islam is a practical religion. It deals with human beings as they are, not as they should be. I mean, there's always the should-be there, but it deals with them as they are, and then makes that as they are, as it should be, given they are like that. That's what Islam does. It takes human beings as they are, not as they should be -- but it makes the as-they-are as-it-should-be, given that they're like that. 

- Shaykh Hamza, The Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage

Gaksital -- I should totally go and get this for keeps already, like I've been meaning to.

I've said before right, how this drama is so, so good.

(Eunice, this means I might force this on you, haha)

Reasons (in brief) why Gaksital is awesome:

(i) a complete bastard turns into a hero, and the process is waaay intriguing (my favourite kind of story!)

(ii) best friends on opposite sides of a war -- can you hear the heartbreak already?

(iii) hero is very very very flawed, and therefore made very real

(iv) hero is also a genius, or completely nuts, depending on how you look at it

(v) hero has a precarious disguise that makes you want to die of suspense almost every episode

(vi) there is a long historical back story involved

(vii) villains are nuanced! and 3-dimensional! that's not a common thing in k-drama

(viii) there is a strong heroine -- whoo! and she hates our hero almost to the very end!

(ix) intense, extreme, ?hate-love romance -- I don't even know if this is the appropriate term to label it with, because frak, it's so complicated?!

(x) this is essentially historical fiction
(xi) cinematography is gorgeous, and acting is top-notch

yay.

I'm finally working through Season 8 of Supernatural (Season 9 airing sometime soon! hooray for cult followings). Honestly, since the end of Season 5 or so, I've lost track of the number of times Sam and Dean and even Castiel have died and gone to heaven or hell or purgatory, and back to the mortal plane, haha. The overall plot appears to have taken a stroll down crack lane, more or less. But I still enjoy each episode; it sticks to the winning, episodic-mystery-based formula, where we have Sam and Dean, regardless of bigger plot arcs, hunting evil in its various forms.

And really, I just love the Winchester boys, and that's why I keep watching.

A nutso clip that had me laughing away -- Dean as William Wallace

When you're present with God, you're present with creation.

-- Shaykh Hamza




:(

The sad feeling that comes after you know you didn't end up doing what you intended to do, what you were supposed to.