Suddenly, I'm loving Nino's Niji a lot and I'm playing it multiple times a day. It has such a sweet yet melancholy melody. I can't get it out of my head. And one time, while listening to it, I cried, because haiyoh, there's something about it that pulls at one's heartstrings. It's so sayu.

And here's a wonderful HYD fanvid with the song. The lyrics do fit the context well.



---

Tomorrow, exam results will be released. But I really really don't want to look at it. I need to gather enough strength and courage and steely-ness before I lay my eyes on my grades. Also, I am freaking tired of worrying about my non-existent FYP status. I shall just suspend my worry for a while. Am taking a break tomorrow. Going cycling with my buddies. :) yay.

I was sifting through old email exchanges, and read one I had with Yujie, where we were discussing tanned guys versus fair guys. XD In general, we established that tanned guys = sporty guys = more attractive guys. Haha. But then Yujie cited Shirota Yuu who is supposedly fair and sporty. (actually... O.o I don't think so. He's just an absolute cam-whore, IMO.)

"Yes, I guess there are definitely people who are fair AND sporty anyway... but somehow, the tanner guy will still seem tougher? haha. I don't know. And at the end of the day, the fairness of the skin factors little in your total impression of the guy, right? Like only 2% max? haha. Like if you have a tan guy who rock climbs BUT THEN he smokes, and drinks excessively, and is a reputed playboy and steals from his mum's purse VERSUS a fair guy who plays ping-pong or doesn't play at all (HAHA, I'm so discriminating, aren't I?) but has amazing manners and tutors orphans on weekends, OF COURSE YOU'D CHOOSE THE FAIR DUDE RIGHT! :P"

I am blogging mainly because the internet connection is such a pain these days (for reasons still unclear) and I have nothing to do while I wait for my videos to load. Also, part of me is dying to watch Supernatural Season 4, especially after seeing people squeal over the finale on their LJs. Oh, man. Can't the DVDs come sooner.

Also... Tis' the season to get married, lalalalalalalalala. I think I'll be missing more APEX sessions this summer break because my cousins (and seemingly quite a number of other people) have chosen 2009 as the choice year for getting hitched, and I'll have to spend my saturdays preparing for weddings. Why this year, eh. It's quite a mystery.

Honestly, my brain is a blank right now and I have no words of wisdom (if ever I had them) to share. I just feel a constant bleakness, and dark thoughts are starting to creep into my brain. Maybe all I need is a good night's sleep and tomorrow I'll regain some genki-ness.

I love this little NEWS snippet. Just look at all the other members trying to control their laughter while Tego sang. XD



And this one is funny too! I've always found Yokoyama highly amusing.



And here: some photos of Rompin. (Courtesy of Mehfooza, Sarah and Kamielah)

We drove into the jungle with four-wheel-drives. Sitting at the back was super fun. We kept getting splattered with mud but the bumps and slopes more than compensated. :P

That's the name of our second campsite.

This one is is taken at Lubuk Merekek as well, next to the river. I was wearing a poncho cause it had been raining.

Fish!

We had to trek through rivers too. :) The one with the hat and blue backpack is Suhairi, who protected our important documents (aka passports and wallets) with his life. Haha.

yay, this is Group 2. Awesome bunch: Suhairi, Kamielah, me, Mehfooza, Jumayyah and Samuel.

Us crossing chasms.

Waterfall!!! It really was the highlight of the whole thing for me.

And this is Syamim the bird! Isn't it adorable. Gah.

Sitting around our campfire. We took forever to get the fire going, okay. Haha.

Bbq-ing the chicken took ages. We ate at about 10 plus although we slaughtered the chickens before dusk. At first I was all enthusiastic about cooking the chicken, but then the smoke started to choke my lungs :P and it got really hot and sweaty.

Tent mates! :))

Last day, with the Rompin guides and orang asli. They were fun people.

Farewell seafood dinner at Kg. Senibung, Johor

Ja!

Haha, I like this:

A man said to the universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the universe,
“The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.”

~ Stephen Crane

I just made the mistake of blog-hopping again (hello, it is like freaking drug abuse! it is bad for me but I still do it.) and started pleading for help from Eunice.

sham b says:
I FEEL DEPRESSED.
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
This is why you must never go blog-hopping
sham b says:
okay.
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
It screws up any sort of transient peace you have
sham b says:
please remind me from time to time.
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
FORGET WHAT YOU HAVE SEEN
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
HAHA
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
FORGET NOW.
sham b says:
SIIIIGH
sham b says:
SIIIIIIIIGH
sham b says:
Part of me just wants to CRY.
sham b says:
LIKE SERIOUSLY.
sham b says:
WHHHHYYYYY.
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
Yes, the common side effect of this activity
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
Would you rather never worry about more complicated things? Worry, as in try to work it out in your mind?
APPA THE FLYING BISON! says:
No, right?
sham b says:
no.
sham b says:
but.
sham b says:
I can't explain it.
sham b says:
I feel so inadequate.

It's just, I see these people, and they seem so wonderfully happy and uncomplicated and pure and beautiful (okay, I am aware that I sound a little bit mad...) that I can't help but start to worry about myself. And Shweta just wished me a worry-free holiday too. It's like, for some people, things just seem to come so easy. And when they cry, it's about simple and little things. And they complain about simple and little things. And omg, I feel so amazingly distraught right now, it's mad.

BREATHE.

Okay, I am sorry. I do wonder why outbursts like these aren't confined within the period of adolescence. I am supposed to be oooold and be done with stupid and irrational pettiness. Met up with Jiawen, Munirah and Eunice today, and at one point we were exclaiming about how old we're getting. We were like, "GASP! The kids born in 2000 are in Primary 3 now!!!" and "OHMYGOD, your sister is a 90s baby??? A 90s baby??? And she's 18???" and "There is this blogger I know who said she was getting married and then, GASP, I found out she was born in '88!" HAHA, seriously mad and random, okay.

Also, it is a mark of age that I am seeing the following poem in a completely different light than when I was 15 and Ms Leow set it for us for literature class.

Spinster
Sylvia Plath

Now this particular girl
During a ceremonious april walk
With her latest suitor
Found herself, of a sudden, intolerably struck
By the birds' irregular babel
And the leaves' litter.

By this tumult afflicted, she
Observed her lover's gestures unbalance the air,
His gait stray uneven
Through a rank wilderness of fern and flower;
She judged petals in disarray,
The whole season, sloven.

How she longed for winter then! --
Scrupulously austere in its order
Of white and black
Ice and rock; each sentiment within border,
And heart's frosty discipline
Exact as a snowflake.

But here -- a burgeoning
Unruly enough to pitch her five queenly wits
Into vulgar motley --
A treason not to be borne; let idiots
Reel giddy in bedlam spring:
She withdrew neatly.

And round her house she set
Such a barricade of barb and check
Against mutinous weather
As no mere insurgent man could hope to break
With curse, fist, threat
Or love, either.

I don't know. It's still sad and lonely. But now, I feel like it's not so bad; people who turn away from love. It's understandable. It's complicated and messy and tiring. And maybe some people just don't want to risk it. But really, I don't know. At the end of the day, it's hard to decide what's worth fighting for.

I finally watched the much-acclaimed Shawshank Redemption.

Once in a while, there comes a truly amazing story. And this is one. I can't even put into words how profound I find it. Every little thing about it just falls into place like a wonderful and meaningful jigsaw. I love the theme of friendship and hope and humanity. And the dialogue is as awesome as candy to me. (Okay, I don't know where that comparison came from, haha.) I always like it when Morgan Freeman narrates.

"Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane."

Ah, hope. Dreams. It's one of those things you know - something that can both hurt and heal. Is it better to live with it, or without it? Or perhaps the key is to have bite-sized hopes? You know, moderated hoping; realistic dreaming. But then, maybe that contradicts the whole point of dreaming, eh. Because what's the point of dreaming when you can't make it as limitless as you wish.

But my gosh, hoping so hard can hurt so bad. Which is why, I guess it's more admirable to chase after dreams. It takes courage and resilience and strength. What is living if we don't dream, some say, right.

At the end of the day, it comes down to a simple choice, eh. "Get busy living, or get busy dying."

Besides, ARASHI! ARASHI! For DREAM! :) haha.

So I shall live and love and hope.

Eventful things have a habit of happening in quick succession. Or so it seems.

First of all, just to get this depressing news out of my way - I have lost my wallet. And all its important contents. EVERYTHING that is important was in it. Including my IC, my NUS matric card (1 year left and this happens!), my NUS EZ-link card, my DBS ATM card, my NLB card which had lasted me since primary school days, my BRAND NEW driving licence :( and more than S$100 cash I got from various people for my birthday. Also, other irreplacable knick-knacks like my ARTBOX membership card, my Videoezy membership card, my username and password for netsurfing at Singapore hotspots (that's it lah, I won't be able to remember them now!), numerous, ancient neoprints and about RM100.

How this happened? Was at Raffles Place MRT station yesterday with sis and sat down on a bench. I just left it on the bench, I think! I realised it when we reached City Hall, and we hurried back as fast as we could, but of course it wasn't there. And no one had turned it in to the control station. I ask you, why aren't there more honest people in this world??? :( I'd only left it for like 10 minutes. I blame my extra sleepiness for my extra blurness, cause I'd only gotten back from Rompin on Friday and hadn't rested enough; had to go out for APEX in the morning too.

Honestly, I just want my personal stuff back. Whoever you are can have the money lah okay. :( I just want the wallet back. My heart aches.

Secondly, yes, I'm back from Rompin! Which was both fun and tiring. As expected, I didn't use my camera because I was too afraid I'd damage it if I brought it into the jungle. I am dependent on the kind souls who have have been snapping away over there to put the pics up on facebook. Then maybe I'll post one or two of them here.

Some memorable things:

- Leech attack! I've got quite a bit of them. They were everywhere and I think everyone got at least one leech. They're not so much painful as they are disgusting. Looking at something sucking your blood is not a pleasant thing. You just want to scream, "GET THEM OFF ME!" Some of them sucked my blood through my pants. -.- So that I had like bloody spots on my knees and calves. And I definitely had several bites on my ankles. I was grateful for the smokers in our group, haha. Someone went like, "Oh, now you love the smokers ah!"

- Caterpillar attack! HAHA, okay, this wasn't really an attack of course. It was the last day and I was packing our tent, then out of the blue, I felt this incredible sting all over my finger, but I couldn't see anything! I tell you, I became like super panicked and started rubbing my finger. It just got redder and itchier. @.@ Then I spotted the caterpillar. It wasn't very big but it was super bristly and it was crawling on the tent pole. Damn you! Luckily the sting went away with a little water and antiseptic cream.

- Syamim the baby bird (named after Syamim, the girl. haha, don't ask me why). This was a little baby bird that fell off its nest near our campsite. And it couldn't fly yet so we played with it. When I can get my hands on a cute photo of it, I will put one here. It was grey and yellow and its mother was grey and red. It was the most adorable bird ever. Smaller than one's palm and extra fluffy. Like a fat snitch. We let it walk around on its own. But the next day, horror of all horrors, we found it dead. It had been stepped on. We were all horrified, like seriously. SO SAD. We made him a little grave.

- Real jungle trekking. No joke, please. We were bashing through fern and battling thick fauna. No surprise that the leeches got at us. Steep inclines and slippery mud too. I don't think I'd ever gotten that filthy before. I was covered in dirt, blood and sweat. O.O

- Trekking to the waterfall! (I can't quite remember its name; Takah Tinggi, maybe?) The trekking wasn't as filthy but it was STEEP (almost 90 degrees in certain places) and oh so energy-sapping. But it was so fun and worth it when we finally reached the waterfall!!! Awesome! We totally just splashed into the water. We had lifevests on, so although it was a bit deep at some corners of the plunge pool, we could enjoy the water. We filled our water bottles with the waterfall water. :P

- Tube rafting! We sat in individual buoys and rode down the rapids! It was a short one actually and the water tide was low, so I kept getting stuck in rocks. So it was a little bit of a letdown.

Okay, will say more if I have photos. :)

This is a notice of absence :P

Am off for a jungle trekking trip with NUSMS to Rompin this week. Feeling both nervous and excited for it. Will only be back on Friday, 15th May. Hopefully, I'll have at least a few decent photos to share. So, till then, ciao!

DONE WITH EXAMS! :DDDD

And this is my last summer break too.

I have not much to blabber on about, except:

Here's where you can go to read HILARIOUS and bad fanfiction summaries ingeniously collected by a fan; there are currently 42 batches dating back to 2005 --> McTabby's Summary Executions

A sampling (the spelling mistakes are not mine):

Charlie Bucket dicovers he is not really a Bucket, but a Wonka. That his parents are really the most unlikely of couples, Willy Wonka and Sirius Black. And that he has a twin sister and he is a wizard.

Dear Miss. Granger, We are sorry to inform you that your parents have perished and that you will live with the Malfoy's, and you will also be resorted. I am really sorry to have to tell you this. Please send yourself and your stuff to the headmaster's office. The Ministry of Magic

It's all really bad plot device. It's like: I'm going to put these two characters together and you can't do anything about it!

And apparently Harry-veela-vampire fanfics are common! LOOK at this:

Harry Potter is a Vepire, a cross between a veela and a vampire. Now, life is about to get confusing, and maybe, just maybe, he will finally find the love he has been looking for.

Oh this one cracked me up:

Harry is tired of all the drama and grief around him - between the recovery of losses in the Last Battle and the regular trials and troubles of a teenager, Harry wants to run, run away, and never have to face this again. At least, he doesn't want to be human anymore - could life be any better as a turtle? Hermione turns him - and herself - into turtles, and Harry suddenly realizes he'd rather be human. The only way to get back to his normal self is to kiss his love, but it has to be of the same species....He doesn't love Hermione, does he?

OH HAHAHA, this one takes the cake:

Harry and Hermione's daughter Herima is going to Hogwarts early but she doesn't know why. Would it have something to do with her wings?

Haha, wings! XD Why would their daughter have wings! And what kind of name is Herima???

Also, there's NEWS wo Abake!!! I love this segment! Where the boys are blindfolded and their voices changed so they become supposedly anonymous and therefore can confess their feelings.





And here are some random photos:

This is us posing in a bathroom at Marina Mandarin Hotel. Kak Shida got free night's stay there and we were basically spazzing at how awesome everything was. The bathroom was amazing and the plasma tv was huge too.


And this is Gobbles. :P

Official announcement for NEWS as 24 Hour TV hosts! Koyama and Shige sitting in the front row, flanking Yamapi is definitely non-accidental. Haha. They're the two that speak the best in the group. Ah, watching this makes me feel nervous for them. How will they compare with their senpais! :S scary.



---

Lately, I've been thinking that I can't seem to blog properly. My english is becoming increasingly whacked, and I rarely end up conveying what I mean. Although, as always, I go through life and encounter times where I think, "Ah, this is a blog-worthy moment!", I just find it really hard to portray my feelings. More now. Maybe it's like what I discussed with Eunice - my thoughts and emotions are even more complex and muddled now that untangling them takes up too much effort. -_- It's really tiring at times to blog. Although I want to, I want to.

Temporary solution for lack of writing motivation: blogging list-like!

1) Siblings bought me the complete DVD set for Cardcaptor Sakura (one of my favourite animes ever)! XD They did say it was rather "inappropriate" a birthday gift for a 22-year-old, but they knew I'd love it anyway. I already started watching some episodes and gosh, it's nostalgic - SYAORAN! <3

2) This past saturday night, we went to Marina Mandarin Hotel to visit Kak Shida who'd gotten a complimentary stay as part of her work. The hotel is just AWESOME. Sis and me were nutty and squealy enough to take photos in the bathroom.

3)In the car, my brother attached his iPod to the speakers and started pretending to be a DJ, while the rest of my family pretended to call in for song requests. >.< It was all amusing, to say the least. Then my mum actually "called in" and made a birthday dedication to me - wishing me happiness and that I'd find my future partner and other sappy stuff - and my brother cranked up the volume on Click Five's 'Happy Birthday'. <3 At moments like that, I always feel like my family is surely the best in the world.

4) I think I finally really want my own mp3 player. Just so I can listen to JE away from my comp! haha.

5) My brother is insisting we watch a movie at GV's Gold Class Theatre at least once a year. The ticket costs approximately $36. MAD. But I'm actually considering it for the HP6 movie.

6) One exam paper left: Drug Design module! :S