I'm having a lazy day again. Don't want to budge into work! :(

My sis and me were rewatching Evil Bunny's Enjet-enjet Semut video last night. It is awesome; a classic. :) Here it is in case you haven't seen it. A must-watch for Malays.



Also, there's this jap song newly stuck in my head. It was a hit in Japan a few years back. I like it! >.< And I want to learn the chorus dance. Nya! And I seriously, seriously adore Yamashita Tomohisa (He's the one with the shorter hair in the vid). Incredibly cool lah. Here's Seishun Amigo by Shuuji to Akira.



The way to survive life is to be able to compartmentalise your ambitions, feelings and desires. I think. Anyway, last thing before I force myself into work: I've got a quote I like that I found in my brother's book, "The Game" by Neil Strauss.

In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps.

When I read that, I was like :( . How frustrating. I didn't know whether to scream or cry or laugh or what.

okay, time for work.

Triple crap. I need to stop watching these love stories and romance dramas and soap operas. It's turning my brain into complete mush, plus detrimental in like five million more ways. =_=

I do wonder if in essence, people never change at all. That the person you are, was the same whence you were born and will be the same the day you die. Like there's that very thing that just makes you you and you're supposed to have it always always or you wouldn't be you at all. You know? Or am I going around in circles?

Like maybe I'll always be an uber sap and eat up soppy stories like candy. And I'll always be the volcano-type of person; you know, someone who let's things bubble until everything explodes. Maybe. I'm not sure if I'm comforted or not by this theory.

This is a bit late, but Happy Maulid Rasul! (: May our love for Nabi s.a.w. grow ever stronger.

We celebrated at Kak Shida's place yesterday, with food and also a birthday cake for Mami Bee, it coincidentally being her birthday too. Food was yummy. The atmostphere was nice. Then at night, we watched Suhaimi Yusof's "Kelakar Rabak!" which was utterly random and damn funny. There were a number of short comedic skits that included a rather girlish Sultan, Panglimas armed with Jedi lightsabres and Terminator (who said when frustrated, "small-small don't want to die".) I also totally loved the comparison Suhaimi made between the Sultan and Dora the Explorer because of his short-cropped hair. Eh, ampun tuanku! Patik ingatkan Dora the Explorer tadi! Or something along those lines. gila! >.<

In the car. Note the triangle. My brother just got his licence and has become obsessed about practising.




And my dad in the front passenger seat being all kan-cheong about my brother's driving. "Eh, jangan melempah-lempah eh! Handbrake dah turun, handbrake dah turun???"


The birthday cake.


Kawaii ne! Babawok is so adorable.


My favourite kid in the world right now! Abbas, kid from the hood.





Today, I sat in CoffeeBean in Bugis (I love that place) to study for a bit, and after sitting for sometime, I realised that I liked the fact that a freakingly myriad range of people visited that place. There was this blond girl teaching a chinese dude english, a little girl who spoke japanese to someone on her mother's phone (kawaii again!), students with friends from cambodia (I accidentally overheard their conversation.), a group of deaf people interacting in sign language, a dad with his kids just back from madrasah and american tourists. I decided I liked the fact that Singapore was becoming highly multi-ethnic, cosmopolitan and global and all. You get to see so many different people. It just made me smile.

But then on the way home, when I had to battle my way through bugis junction, my enthusiasm dropped a couple of notches because unlike coffeebean, the mall was WAAAY crowded. Just looking at the people teeming from bugis village gave me shivers. It felt like geylang on raya night! I was so frustrated with the crowd, I felt like bashing people up just to clear the passageway. Couples strolling hand-in-hand especially infuriated me. (Honestly, if I were to go on a date, it would never be at a crowded mall.) GO HOME, PEOPLE. And oh yes, not to mention the national library; it was less a library and more a book warehouse sale. I felt so insulted, and practically left the moment I stepped in. Singapore just destroys the sanctity of libraries for me. So, I am kind of torn about the whole foreigners coming to Singapore thing. Because squeezing like a sardine into mrts is no fun.

okay, got to go watch letters from iwo jima for geog. essays to write.

Gaining true happiness requires one to put oneself in a position of extreme vulnerability. Yes, I think that's very true. Ohkay. No wonder it's hard.

I think the school semester is ending soon. :s I'm not ready.

am suffering from incredible emotional turmoil right now. oh what am I saying! I make a big deal out of every little thing. nyah.

Things I need to do:

1) Dredge up enough motivation to succeed. Am hitting humungous wall right now. And I know the desire is somewhere, buried deep. Just need to look for it again.

2) Breathe.

3) Get a grip.

4) Meet up with birds. ARE YOU GUYS BACK YET???

5) Write geog essay.

6) Watch Babel and Warlords.

7) Settle the thingy with turk.

8) Catch up with C++ lectures

9) Study combinatorics

10) BREATHE.

11) reinstall videoediting program into laptop

Went for mega karnival with aisyah, zahra and liyana today. Sad to say, it wasn't as meriah as it should be. We ate a whole batch of cookies, and muffins, and kuih. And I really really like Zubir Abdullah's songs. And we saw Adilah give her speech. But we left after maghrib, and ate at banquet.

Wah, damn ah. I can't take it anymore. Can cry. I wonder if people can actually die from bitter disappointment. So tired. The hope is truly worse than the disappointment. Okay, ignore me, I am being random and incomprehensible.

SIGH. But I had an interesting day today.

ackackack. I want to go to JAPAN! Cik An just came back and the photos are damn cool and I suppose it's cause of my current jap phase and all, but whatever it is, I really have to go to Japan one day. >.<

and I really think I should have gotten me a proper slr when I asked for a birthday present last year. I got a normal coolpix. Which I still do love. But since salman and hannan got their slrs, I'm like, "Hey, I should be doing that..." ): jealous lah. ah! kebodohan. why always like that.

It was out of the blue, but I suddenly thought of our story, the chain-story that we birds did throughout sec 3 and 4 and a little bit into JC. And a pang of sadness just hit me. I almost wanted to start crying. Hell, I feel like tearing now. It's just, I feel so inexplicably old. Like I've lost that part of my youth, maybe forever, and I miss it so much. And I miss, I don't know, something.

I bet most other people would recall their school life being that much more exciting than mine; I've always shunned the spotlight as much as I could. But I did have fun, in my own small ways. And I wish now I'd relished it more. Right now, I feel like.. I'm saying goodbye. And it's making me all despondent.

I suppose I'm not making sense.

Now that I'm facing my twenties, I feel like I'm preparing for battle. So much to do, and chase after, and worst of all, expectations to meet. I keep telling myself that if I reach thirty with chin up, I'll go celebrate big and sujud syukur. The fact is that, while I try hard to stay strong, and walk with a smile, and with a spring in my step, half the time, I'm just so crappily scared. Once again - potion for courage, where art thou? Maybe everyone feels a little like this, eh.

I pray, I hope.

So anyway, because I am a geek, I have to report on programming. For today's sit-in lab, I ALMOST GOT IT. I ALMOST DID. I swear. But then I realised I missed out something last minute, and so, the output was kinda wrong! :( If there was say half an hour left, I'm sure it could have been done perfectly. geram! But at least, I know now I'm getting better at this. The last take home lab scored a 95%. yoshi! (I'm still having a jap phase.)

Duck and Pigey coming back next week! something to look forward to. (:

There are days when God and the universe are on your side. I wanted to skip Combinatorics lecture today so I could go home and work on C++, and guess what? Roger Poh cancelled today's lecture to attend his son's passing out parade or something like that. Ahah.

Yes, keep smiling down on me, thank you. (:

It is amazing how much time I can spend on the internet. :s I should take like a one year off hiking in the hills or stg to reconnect with nature. Sometimes, the whole concept just scares me. I live in the cyberworld more than the real one. eh.

C++ midterm. ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE. The MCQs were hard but at least, you know, they were MCQs. But the open-ended - @_@. Really. I was holding my head in my hands and audibly telling myself not to panic, okay. It was reminiscent of RJ chem papers! LIKE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING. I was seriously hyper-ventilating. (I really wonder if taking up this module is shortening my lifespan in some way.) But amidst the panic, there was boiling rage.

When they said pencils down, I really felt like screaming, "Wtf kind of paper is this!!!" Damn angry ah. Unreasonable questions in unreasonably short time period! EESH.

Recently, I've had another epiphany (eheh, I like to call them that). I've had some hormonal revival or something. I've decided to be less of a depressed whacko, and lo and behold, I think I somehow am managing better. Like I'll be horribly upset about something, but it won't be long before I actually feel bouncy and happy again. Like actually, BOUNCY! (Okay, I sound nuts.) It's cause I make myself think of all the good things that I do have and I realise that I am happy about a lot of things, and so I slowly crawl out of my gloom.

I think I'm starting to sound really incoherent; but the essence is: I realise I'm happy, at the most basic, that I'm actually alive to feel all these ups and downs. I'm happy that I can wake up every morning. I'm happy that I still have my parents. I'm happy for my sister. Also my brother. Also my best friend, Eunice. Also for birds and mumu and jw and all my other friends. Also for all those people I've had the privilege to meet, or love, or hate. Also for my crazy but beloved obsessions.

And thinking in this manner just immediately trivialises whatever silly thing I was fussing about. And I can believe somehow, things will be all right. kudos to newfound perspective!

Current obsession: jap dramas. Manga adaptations are so so good. Watching Gokusen now. so cute lah.