I feel like I'm splitting my skull. Critical thinking is an ass. And truly, that's what freaking term papers require of you. They require you to plumb the depths of the mind and come out with some amazing epiphany you can shape into a thesis. It is exhausting in the extreme. I mean, one can sit down in one position for two hours straight contemplating one chain of causality in the quest of finding ultimate root of a world problem. Or something like that.
I've gone beyond wanting to scratch my cheeks to ribbons (I suppose that's a different kind of frustration). My morbidity has brought me to envisioning encasing my eyeballs in a special wooden case. So that, for a little while, I can escape my thoughts and go to sleep. I can't seem to rest.
When you think about it: aaah... the comforts of science. Nice, logical equations.
Watched Notes On A Scandal last night. It has frightened me into wanting marriage, no matter the partner. AHAH. No, I'm kidding lah. I couldn't do that, I think. Briefly, Judi Dench acts as psycho spinster and Cate Blanchett acts as unknowing victim. Spinster clings to fellow colleague like a leech, and it evokes both pity and utter horror. The story explores the dangerous depths of loneliness and lack of human touch. From now on, I shall attmept to hug others more and adopt a kid if I don't manage to have my own some day.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
I keep getting back aches and shoulder aches! Eeesh.
My fridays shall all be nice days from now on. Because both my lectures are webcasted! So that effectively, I do not need to turn up. :p But of course, I must discipline myself and watch the webcasts.
Seeing my advisor tomorrow. I don't think I know at all what we'll be discussing.
I am sad because I won't be going for my politics of heritage cambodia field trip!
:( Because it will be Ramadhan. Ah sigh.
I'm still mentally tired from wednesday's 6 hour lab session so excuse the extremely routine, boring post. I can't seem to exert any extra energy. I just want to laze indefinitely and read Lymond. Please?
My fridays shall all be nice days from now on. Because both my lectures are webcasted! So that effectively, I do not need to turn up. :p But of course, I must discipline myself and watch the webcasts.
Seeing my advisor tomorrow. I don't think I know at all what we'll be discussing.
I am sad because I won't be going for my politics of heritage cambodia field trip!
:( Because it will be Ramadhan. Ah sigh.
I'm still mentally tired from wednesday's 6 hour lab session so excuse the extremely routine, boring post. I can't seem to exert any extra energy. I just want to laze indefinitely and read Lymond. Please?
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Because I miss Lymond, I googled him. :p
I read 600 books doing research for the Lymond Chronicles. And, remember, this was before computers and copy machines. I must have copied out thousands of pages of notes - which I still have, collected in notebooks.
~Dorothy Dunnett
Goodness. What wouldn't any of us give for just a little bit of those notes!
And you know what! Donati = Dunnett in Italian!
The name Donati - as in Evangelista Donati, who looks after Joleta and later hands Kuzum into the care of Philippa at Zakynthos - is apparently the Italian form of Dunnett... So like Dorothy to drop such a connection into the story knowing that it might lay undiscovered for years. I can just hear her laughing - ‘oh good, they found one, but there’s plenty more to go’.
Man! I so want to sit and reread. If I were thrown on a desert island, I'd want the chronicles to be with me.
I read 600 books doing research for the Lymond Chronicles. And, remember, this was before computers and copy machines. I must have copied out thousands of pages of notes - which I still have, collected in notebooks.
~Dorothy Dunnett
Goodness. What wouldn't any of us give for just a little bit of those notes!
And you know what! Donati = Dunnett in Italian!
The name Donati - as in Evangelista Donati, who looks after Joleta and later hands Kuzum into the care of Philippa at Zakynthos - is apparently the Italian form of Dunnett... So like Dorothy to drop such a connection into the story knowing that it might lay undiscovered for years. I can just hear her laughing - ‘oh good, they found one, but there’s plenty more to go’.
Man! I so want to sit and reread. If I were thrown on a desert island, I'd want the chronicles to be with me.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Been finally working somewhat intensively on multiculturalism paper. :s Daniel thinks I'm in trouble with it. Not far from the truth, that.
whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there? ahahah. with open arms and open eyes? no. Probably mine will be screwed shut in fear.
I have to constantly calm myself down... Fretting over every little thing is my natural instinct. Must fight.
I have photos from the previous liqa'!
And then we insisted on making the boys wear the scarf. Ahahaha. Too bored, we were.
Macam achi rempah. heh.
Okay, have to go. Mudaris coming in a while for arabic!
whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there? ahahah. with open arms and open eyes? no. Probably mine will be screwed shut in fear.
I have to constantly calm myself down... Fretting over every little thing is my natural instinct. Must fight.
I have photos from the previous liqa'!
And then we insisted on making the boys wear the scarf. Ahahaha. Too bored, we were.
Macam achi rempah. heh.
Okay, have to go. Mudaris coming in a while for arabic!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Every day, I think of at least three different things to blog about. But when I get here, nothing comes easy. Writing is so dependent on split-second inspiration sometimes. Epiphanies should be treated with reverence - I should stop mid-step, mid-work, mid-mrt-cabin and scribble them down or something.
I was incredibly unlucky today. It culminated in my having to wait near an hour for bus No. 10 in old bedok area. After 50 minutes of waiting, I was completely and utterly pissed at SBS, and stalked off from the bedok ria bus stop and walked to tanah merah station instead. But then: (yes, you guessed it) No. 10 drove past. Grrrr.
Not to mention that whilst waiting for the infuriating bus, a couple of banglas wandered over, apparently lost. Looking for some garden called Limau Bali. What on earth. Never heard of such a place. I was being reticent and fairly unresponsive. They were nice and okay-looking but they were still unfamiliar FOREIGNERS and notorious banglas some more and I was alone at a lonely bus stop during the night.
You have no idea how much I wished I had a boyfriend at hand at that point in time. HAHA. Anyway, I digress.
Luckily, they had the sense to sit a bench apart from me, while still insisting on making conversation though. Their english is super unintelligible by the way. One of them said he had a sister also called shamiah. Yes, they asked for my name, and I hesitated at first, but couldn't see too much harm in telling. I didn't want to seem too rude. They were still human beings. So they hung around, one of them messaging on his handphone, while I fidgeted and tried to will No.10 to come by sheer force of mind (didn't work of course). Then to my relief, they decided to take a cab. And I was still there waiting for blasted No.10. Then, like I said, I stormed off after a while more. Seriously man - banglas came and went and still bus failed to arrive!
blah and gah. Also, pentas money matters are making me like this: >.<
I was incredibly unlucky today. It culminated in my having to wait near an hour for bus No. 10 in old bedok area. After 50 minutes of waiting, I was completely and utterly pissed at SBS, and stalked off from the bedok ria bus stop and walked to tanah merah station instead. But then: (yes, you guessed it) No. 10 drove past. Grrrr.
Not to mention that whilst waiting for the infuriating bus, a couple of banglas wandered over, apparently lost. Looking for some garden called Limau Bali. What on earth. Never heard of such a place. I was being reticent and fairly unresponsive. They were nice and okay-looking but they were still unfamiliar FOREIGNERS and notorious banglas some more and I was alone at a lonely bus stop during the night.
You have no idea how much I wished I had a boyfriend at hand at that point in time. HAHA. Anyway, I digress.
Luckily, they had the sense to sit a bench apart from me, while still insisting on making conversation though. Their english is super unintelligible by the way. One of them said he had a sister also called shamiah. Yes, they asked for my name, and I hesitated at first, but couldn't see too much harm in telling. I didn't want to seem too rude. They were still human beings. So they hung around, one of them messaging on his handphone, while I fidgeted and tried to will No.10 to come by sheer force of mind (didn't work of course). Then to my relief, they decided to take a cab. And I was still there waiting for blasted No.10. Then, like I said, I stormed off after a while more. Seriously man - banglas came and went and still bus failed to arrive!
blah and gah. Also, pentas money matters are making me like this: >.<
Sunday, August 12, 2007
We had a syabab united gathering in occasion of isra' mi'raj yesterday. And it was... good. Although 'good' doesn't quite cut the description for the whole event. Yesterday was a day for much pondering and brain-squeezing. (Notice how my adjectives have involved the word 'brain' lately.) aiyah. right now, I am in no mood to be detailed.
I think I've become that little bit better in arabic. humyay.
I wonder if, at the bottom of it all, we all just live to be loved.
I think I've become that little bit better in arabic. humyay.
I wonder if, at the bottom of it all, we all just live to be loved.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
I am rich and happy. (okaylah, not so rich, but still happy):)))) Haaaaa. It feels good. After much stress and agony, (right to the last moment, let me tell you), it feels real good to know people were happy with pentas. And that we made it work - DESPITE EVERYTHING.
Despite our certainty that murphy's laws were toying with us at every turn, we managed to overcome. Everything that could have gone wrong really did. So much so that ibnur himself lost faith in 'ibnur's laws'. Haha. So many merepek obstacles overcome. Ohmygosh. Farhanah was right. Can't believe it's over. 10 frakking months, was it? So looooong.
I don't have any photos cause I was lazy to whip out my camera. Too kecoh with everything.
Just to illustrate the craziness of pentas, even on the night itself:
1) an hour to arrival of GOH, I discovered our reserved parking lots were taken over by two unknown vehicles. (Wanted to scream, man.) I was about to breakdown, I tell you. Haha. Then, I paced around the carpark, wracking my brains. Here, I have to thank Yusrina, whose cute, tiny blue car was miraculously one of the cars that managed to get parking. So we begged her to give up her space for GOH's big merc and she obliged. We owe her big. Miracle, that was. Stupid, useless VT people who didn't tell me properly to guard the lots. Eeeesh.
2) Front doors refused to open at 8 pm. Wahlau. People swarming around the registration table with irritated faces is not a pleasant experience.
3) As me and yammie were starting to clear up the registration table at bout 8.30, this boy came up to us and said, "Kak, boleh masuk tak? I baru kena rompak ah. Nak jumpa kawan kejap." We were like @_@, WHAT. "Sumpah???" "Sumpah!" Apparently, some three dudes, just round the corner, took away his bag of money and his ticket. And we gave him the benefit of the doubt and yammie took him in to see his friend. We were freaked out ah! Me especially, owing to the fact that I was holding on to a cashbox overflowing with bills.
4) omg. the most kecoh results tabulation EVER. Lin and Hidayat calculating scores at one end of the world (we had no idea which corner of the theatre they were parked at, painfully taking FOREVER counting), and me freaking out over prizes, at stage right. Waiting for Lin to come over with the results. Hilarious to recall now. Ibnur was writing out names of sponsors on a piece of white paper for our dewa/emcee, as a filler dialgue, while we waited for Lin. And then we couldn't find SCOTCHTAPE to tape the paper onto the dewa's scroll. I was wringing my hands with worry. Then Ibnur started peeling off tape from the plastic bags backstage to pathetically paste the paper on the scroll.
Then, when Mahathir, our fantastic dewa, was on stage unfurling the scroll, the white paper fell, and he went, "Tengoklah makhluk bumi ni, tak tahu nak gam betul-betul!"
OMG! He is so hilarious. Fantastic, spontaneous performer. My sis (who sat right in front of the judges) said Rafaat Hamzah was totally impressed by him. He was like, "Mana dorang dapat budak ni seh?"
I kept calling Lin up to tell her to STOP COUNTING AND COME WITH THE RESULTS NOW NOW NOW. I think there were three of us there running around like worried, headless chickens. Wany was totally stressing, "I need the results now! Now!" And then when Lin finally came, there were like about ten of us crowding over the judges' papers. I was totally totally BRAIN-SCRAMBLED. Cause Mahathir was done announcing the sponsors and we still didn't have the results.
I had to squat down for a moment to gather my thoughts before I totally went nuts.
Then we were all like, crowding around the papers, dashing out:
"Okay, sape overall?"
"I need everyone to look at the drama sheet, the drama sheet."
"Lin, SAPE OVERALL WINNER???"
"Purnama Sari! Purnama Sari!"
"Best actor? Best actor?"
"Just give me a name!"
"(read off judging sheet) Yang pakai baju merah..."
"Sape yang pakai baju merah!!!"
"OHMYGOD!!!" (this is probably me being totally stressed and unhelpful)
"Mat Jenin, Mat Jenin!"
"You sure???"
And all the while, Mahathir was going back and forth, on and off stage, entertaining the audience while we figured out the winners. His booming voice, "Apasal lambat sangat hah!", was half-making me go into hysterics.
GOODNESS.
That whole 5 minute fiasco has made such precious memory now. I'll never forget how crazy it was. HAHAHA.
Wooooooooooooooooooooooh.
I'm glad we all stuck by pentas budaya.
Despite our certainty that murphy's laws were toying with us at every turn, we managed to overcome. Everything that could have gone wrong really did. So much so that ibnur himself lost faith in 'ibnur's laws'. Haha. So many merepek obstacles overcome. Ohmygosh. Farhanah was right. Can't believe it's over. 10 frakking months, was it? So looooong.
I don't have any photos cause I was lazy to whip out my camera. Too kecoh with everything.
Just to illustrate the craziness of pentas, even on the night itself:
1) an hour to arrival of GOH, I discovered our reserved parking lots were taken over by two unknown vehicles. (Wanted to scream, man.) I was about to breakdown, I tell you. Haha. Then, I paced around the carpark, wracking my brains. Here, I have to thank Yusrina, whose cute, tiny blue car was miraculously one of the cars that managed to get parking. So we begged her to give up her space for GOH's big merc and she obliged. We owe her big. Miracle, that was. Stupid, useless VT people who didn't tell me properly to guard the lots. Eeeesh.
2) Front doors refused to open at 8 pm. Wahlau. People swarming around the registration table with irritated faces is not a pleasant experience.
3) As me and yammie were starting to clear up the registration table at bout 8.30, this boy came up to us and said, "Kak, boleh masuk tak? I baru kena rompak ah. Nak jumpa kawan kejap." We were like @_@, WHAT. "Sumpah???" "Sumpah!" Apparently, some three dudes, just round the corner, took away his bag of money and his ticket. And we gave him the benefit of the doubt and yammie took him in to see his friend. We were freaked out ah! Me especially, owing to the fact that I was holding on to a cashbox overflowing with bills.
4) omg. the most kecoh results tabulation EVER. Lin and Hidayat calculating scores at one end of the world (we had no idea which corner of the theatre they were parked at, painfully taking FOREVER counting), and me freaking out over prizes, at stage right. Waiting for Lin to come over with the results. Hilarious to recall now. Ibnur was writing out names of sponsors on a piece of white paper for our dewa/emcee, as a filler dialgue, while we waited for Lin. And then we couldn't find SCOTCHTAPE to tape the paper onto the dewa's scroll. I was wringing my hands with worry. Then Ibnur started peeling off tape from the plastic bags backstage to pathetically paste the paper on the scroll.
Then, when Mahathir, our fantastic dewa, was on stage unfurling the scroll, the white paper fell, and he went, "Tengoklah makhluk bumi ni, tak tahu nak gam betul-betul!"
OMG! He is so hilarious. Fantastic, spontaneous performer. My sis (who sat right in front of the judges) said Rafaat Hamzah was totally impressed by him. He was like, "Mana dorang dapat budak ni seh?"
I kept calling Lin up to tell her to STOP COUNTING AND COME WITH THE RESULTS NOW NOW NOW. I think there were three of us there running around like worried, headless chickens. Wany was totally stressing, "I need the results now! Now!" And then when Lin finally came, there were like about ten of us crowding over the judges' papers. I was totally totally BRAIN-SCRAMBLED. Cause Mahathir was done announcing the sponsors and we still didn't have the results.
I had to squat down for a moment to gather my thoughts before I totally went nuts.
Then we were all like, crowding around the papers, dashing out:
"Okay, sape overall?"
"I need everyone to look at the drama sheet, the drama sheet."
"Lin, SAPE OVERALL WINNER???"
"Purnama Sari! Purnama Sari!"
"Best actor? Best actor?"
"Just give me a name!"
"(read off judging sheet) Yang pakai baju merah..."
"Sape yang pakai baju merah!!!"
"OHMYGOD!!!" (this is probably me being totally stressed and unhelpful)
"Mat Jenin, Mat Jenin!"
"You sure???"
And all the while, Mahathir was going back and forth, on and off stage, entertaining the audience while we figured out the winners. His booming voice, "Apasal lambat sangat hah!", was half-making me go into hysterics.
GOODNESS.
That whole 5 minute fiasco has made such precious memory now. I'll never forget how crazy it was. HAHAHA.
Wooooooooooooooooooooooh.
I'm glad we all stuck by pentas budaya.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
crunch time for pentas. :s
Amidst all these whacked things going on that's frying my brain into mush, it feels strangely incongruous to receive a 'Hi, cher!' from one of my hyper ex-students. Cheerfulness ain't fitting in right now.
The impossibility of tomorrow (but see how we will triumph over impossibilities):
1) We need 36 packets of white printing paper for event booklets, the cost of which was not foreseen by the blur-sighted treasurer - me.
2) We have no transport to carry said paper.
3) 36 packets of paper are heavy.
4) I think we have less than 4 hours to print 1200 copies of event booklets.
5) Current manpower: 2
6) Despite all this, I have the comp bio tea session that I need to attend in the morning, owing to pressing doubts and questions.
Extreme multi-tasking reduces productivity.
Amidst all these whacked things going on that's frying my brain into mush, it feels strangely incongruous to receive a 'Hi, cher!' from one of my hyper ex-students. Cheerfulness ain't fitting in right now.
The impossibility of tomorrow (but see how we will triumph over impossibilities):
1) We need 36 packets of white printing paper for event booklets, the cost of which was not foreseen by the blur-sighted treasurer - me.
2) We have no transport to carry said paper.
3) 36 packets of paper are heavy.
4) I think we have less than 4 hours to print 1200 copies of event booklets.
5) Current manpower: 2
6) Despite all this, I have the comp bio tea session that I need to attend in the morning, owing to pressing doubts and questions.
Extreme multi-tasking reduces productivity.
Friday, August 03, 2007
All my modules for this sem have been settled. :) thank god.
Today, for the first time at coffee bean, I got a Mango Creme fruit blend instead of my normal coffee blends. Delicious.
The beginning of every sem seems to give me a certain drive. I'm all geared up now to raise my cap. Must must must. Else usp or comp bio might give me the boot.
Today, for the first time at coffee bean, I got a Mango Creme fruit blend instead of my normal coffee blends. Delicious.
The beginning of every sem seems to give me a certain drive. I'm all geared up now to raise my cap. Must must must. Else usp or comp bio might give me the boot.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
ahahaha guess WHAT!
shammity rammity says:
eh
shammity rammity says:
WHAT?
shammity rammity says:
you have a boyfriend?
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
-_________________________-
shammity rammity says:
okay.. not that... you're gonna appear on tv?
shammity rammity says:
WHAT!!!
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
I GOT A KITCHEN SCALE!
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
:'D
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
HAHAHA
shammity rammity says:
-___________________________-"
shammity rammity says:
goodness.
unhealthy obsession over kitchen appliances much? haha.
ahahaha guess WHAT!
shammity rammity says:
eh
shammity rammity says:
WHAT?
shammity rammity says:
you have a boyfriend?
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
-_________________________-
shammity rammity says:
okay.. not that... you're gonna appear on tv?
shammity rammity says:
WHAT!!!
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
I GOT A KITCHEN SCALE!
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
:'D
[Yu Jie] loves the HP books! says:
HAHAHA
shammity rammity says:
-___________________________-"
shammity rammity says:
goodness.
unhealthy obsession over kitchen appliances much? haha.
Everything's so hectic. My favourite time of any day now lies during the wee hours of the morning - past midnight when I've signed off msn and when I've made myself quit worrying about one thing or another. And I can relax and read and escape.
Earlier, I was washing this mug I had used. The mug was from someone's wedding and had all these words of promise and forever-ness inscribed within a heart. And then a moment later, I realised that the couple was no longer together. I zonked out for a bit in surprise. How horrible is it to realise a mug outlasts a marriage? I suppose, if one were to think about it, there must be a million of such items from a million failed relationships. But to hold it in my hand like that - so sad lah. People make so many empty promises of forever, eh?
Earlier, I was washing this mug I had used. The mug was from someone's wedding and had all these words of promise and forever-ness inscribed within a heart. And then a moment later, I realised that the couple was no longer together. I zonked out for a bit in surprise. How horrible is it to realise a mug outlasts a marriage? I suppose, if one were to think about it, there must be a million of such items from a million failed relationships. But to hold it in my hand like that - so sad lah. People make so many empty promises of forever, eh?