MTV's super sweet 16 is just so appalling. Brats, they're all brats. They're all more or less the same: attention-seeking, vain, whiny, ungrateful brats. I've yet to see one of these rich kids be decent and nice and respectful. Not in the least! And they're so unbelievably rude to their parents (I suppose it's their parent's fault.). One minute they'll be 'I love you Dad (for giving me a 100 bucks)' and the next they'll say, 'I wish I could punch you in the face.' WHAT. Excuse me, you want to punch your dad who's paying for your hundred over hairdo?! These kids need a good spanking. They need to be thrown in the cupboard with the spiders for a week.

How come all these ungrateful, disgusting brats get all the nice things and the truly nice, good kids are sometimes without parents and live to eat broth every day (think Oliver Twist)? There is truly no justice in this world. My mum used to tell me, 'It doesn't matter if you cry, but never make your mother or father cry.' (Only it sounds better in malay: Biar kita nangis, jangan mak kita nangis.) I can't believe they treat their parents like that. Sometimes I wonder if it's all a set up; a show. It gets me so worked up. I especially can't stand how all of them want to be the centre of attention: 'I want to walk in there and I want all eyes on me. It's my party.' UGH. I'm short of wanting them dead, really.

200 000 dollars for a stupid party where people just flirt and mingle and waste their time doing mindless, useless things. God knows that much money can be used in a much, much better way. Can't you just spend a little less on a get-together, with people who actually know you?

The world has gone to the dumps. Or perhaps it has always been that way.

I have got the moe approval and will be going to east coast primary on the first day of school to start work. It's a bit hard to believe. Sometimes I can picture myself doing this very well, but mostly I'm afraid that as soon as I step into any classroom, the kids will sense my... Fear is not what it is. My gullibility, more like. And think, 'Hey, a teacher who can be bullied!' Gah. I will not let that happen! WILL NOT WILL NOT. I will be strict and bad and mean, if they get naughty. And I can be mean, and I have been. To my sister and my brother. And I shall wedge all that anger from the past and channel it into this new stern and fierce me. And I shall wear heels even if I will get blisters walking to and from the school.

I remember how I used to pinch my brother to death last time, whenever he annoyed me. I had a very powerful, painful pinch. And I also used to pull at the collar of his shirt whenever he tried to run from me. The collar of his Jurassic park t-shirt stretched so much, it reached to below his chest. Ah, the old days of physical violence. But with my sister, I would make her cry just by talking. Or, we would mess up each other's tables.



I finished Arthur the King by Allan Massie and love the way he writes!!! So nice.

Only those whose faces have been rubbed in the mire, and who have eaten of the bread of desolation, are fit to sit on high.

I have learned that hardship is the proper school of excellence.

I agree very much. It's like what I said about being on the boundaries the other time. You just have to know how the other side feels, you know, before you become all mighty and rule over them. King Arthur is a good example: scrawny abused boy to most legendary British King.

Take this other quote about prophets, from Hadith.

The prophet Yusuf was once asked, "Why are you hungry when you are in charge of the treasures of the Earth?" He replied,"I fear that I will become full and so forget the hungry person!" ~ Ash-Shifa of Qadi' Iyad

Am bored. So here come those quizzes.

Shamiah, your true color is Green!

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

Okay, there were six of us down there fishing. The climb down there was no easy task, I tell you. Am the one with the grey tudung. And I didnt catch my fish here. Moved somewhere else before I did.

Have actually been back for some time now but have had no inclination to blog or visit the net. Had a very memorable time in Malaysia. I really like going there. All prices are halved due to currency difference and almost all food is halal. Bliss. Kenny Rogers, for instance. Why is it that I always have to wait for a holiday to taste that fantastic black pepper chicken, with that mashed potato, macaroni and cheese, and awesome muffin. Sigh. Not to mention the very convenient suraus. Sometimes I think I'd like living there. Sometimes.

First of all, went to Alor Setar, Kedah, for an overnight stay. Walked till feet ached like mad. Went to an Arab Cafe to rest, and the rain started pouring in buckets. I swear, buckets. It is no wonder Kedah is flooded now. It'd be terribly hot in the early afternoon, but near evening it'd be a near storm. We were stuck at the cafe, and the owner shockd me with his gorgeous blue eyes. He was Lebanese if I'm not wrong. Had absolutely scrumptious drinks - I had some iced mocha.

Unbeknownst to my mother and sister, whose birthday it was, my dad and I had planned to surprise them with a birthday cake at dinner. Back at the hotel, we had lobster and delicious fish munierre (We all had triple helpings) and then the staff dimmed the lights, and they came in singing and carrying the birthday cake. My mum was stunned. Duh. Nothing like this ever happened before. It was all 'Take picture! Take picture!' (Am in post Army Daze phase right now. Just bought it on vcd.) And the three of us siblings gave my mum the expensive Chomel brooch we got her. It was a very fun night.

The next few days was Pedu time. We went up to some ulu hutan (jungle) place in Kedah, to a secluded resort near a lake. And my, was it secluded. To get there, we had to drive 2 hours from the city centre, along some winding forest road. Don't think I have ever been further from civilisation before. It was like something out of 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer'. A deserted area, with a handful of staff members at the lobby. We saw only few other visitors. And there was no handphone reception. I think if there was a murder on the lose at that place, we'd all be half rotting by the time the police decided to investigate. So... we sort of had the whole place to ourselves, which was wonderful. The resort spanned acres, I think, but because it was no longer popular, some parts have been cordoned off. The rooms were individual huts amongst forest trees and barely-paved walkways. It was so cool. To get to one place to another, one had to use buggys. I loved it there. There was a nice bridge too, across the lake, and the view was gorgeous. And have I mentioned that it was so peaceful? It was a true quiet. I dont think you can get such quiet anywhere in the city. Now that I am recounting this, I am just dying to hear that silence again.

Anyway, had such a great time there in Pedu. I went fishing. I actually went fishing!!! This is a big deal for me. Never did it before. And I caught a fish! Albeit a small one, but still! My brother caught five, but whatever. At first, we had no success whatsoever, until we moved some place else and the moment I put the bait in, I felt a tug, and lo and behold, I got my fish! I cannot recall its name though.

We also played table tennis (once again, the first time ever) and pool. And karaoke. As expected we had the whole lounge to ourselves. Sang a threesome with sis and Said: Westlife's "If I Let You Go". Haha. Found future Singapore Idol in Hussein (whose rendition of Manbai's Kau Ilhamku is better than the original, I swear), and Ami Man sings darn well too. And we had hotel food for every meal of the day there, seeing as how there's no other eating place in sight. Food was good.

After Kedah, Pedu and all, we came down to familiar KL. Bukit Bintang. Had Kenny Rogers as mentioned before. Shopping like mad. Masjid India. Petaling Street where I bought my 40 ringgit Adidas shoes. Then of course, we met my counsin's family: Kak Warda, Abang Zamri and Luth! Luth is one and a half now and so adorable, I can hardly stand it. He's almost talking and babbles a lot, and likes to play peek-a-boo with practically anyone. And he played with my Elsie! He bent down near Elsie's head, and whispered hi! It was so cute, I think I squealed when he did it. Then had exorbitant family dinner at Pha-Pha Thai Seafood Restaurant. The food was just fabulous. Steamed sea bass, pandan chicken, and hot tom yam. And I actually loved the asparagus. Since when has vege appealed to me.

And then of course, we had Berjaya Times Square Indoor Themepark. Took craziest ride I ever had in my life. I cant possibly describe it properly. It's like a 360 degrees viking. Screamed (sampai anak tekak nak tercabut you) like I never did before. Took the wipe out ride too, and that one gave me a headache cause they spinned too much and I was trying to keep my blouse down at the same time. The hem was riding up and my tudung was flying so I could barely see. Was half laughing, half screaming for the to stop.

That was mostly it, and I enjoyed it so much. You know, when one goes on holiday, more often than not, what makes it worthwhile is the company more than anything else. And the things that will stick in my head in years to come are more the people I had with me, than for instance, the shopping. Of course, scene of Pedu Lake will stick in my head, perhaps forever, if, god forbid, I don't go senile. But in all, it would have been so much less fun without my crazy, crackpot extended family.

Like the time when we were squashed in the van on the the way to Pedu (and I do mean squashed), and we sang song after song. From Hoobastank to Raihan. The van was running out of petrol, so on the steep slopes of the road, with thick forest of trees on both sides, the van chugged really slowly up. And still we sang. Then there's the late night card games at the boys' room. Zigity, and Old maid, and Bingo. And Ahmad, who can never keep a straight face if he's holding the old maid card. Nuts.

Last night had a very strange dream involving the prom which had just taken place, backstreet boys and Dia. Somehow these famous boys ended up crashing a school get-together. The details have faded from memory, but I vividly recall staring at Kevin from Backstreet, unable to believe that I was a metre away from a full-fledged celebrity. Very amusing.

Feel like I might burst out crying. It's not that I'm sad, but I'm scared. To have something so close and fear that it might all slip away. Imagining that slipping away just clamps me up. And am so, so desperate right now. Anything, anything. I want it so much but I don't even know if it's good for me.

God, I need a windfall. Give me a bag of gold. Please.

On other things: Leaving for Kedah on Friday night. For a week or so, it's not so fixed. And am aslo getting new specs. My old ones are so lose, they won't stay on my nose and everytime I look down it slips off. It went into my bowl of soup more than once before.

Celebrated duck's birthday today. Went to her house and played pictionary, mystery at hogwarts (Eunice won) and Game of Life (I won! Accumulated $1,343,000). Then we watched fastforwarded PoA movie - a repeat of last year. Gave her the sock of presents. Now, why would the body shop gift be solely my idea? Then we had Hazelnut cake, which was nice! I like hazelnuts. Time with friends just passes waaaaay too fast, I say.

Ever since exams have ceased, I have been going out almost constantly it seems. Have lunch out at Secret Recipe tomorrow. And am off to Malaysia on friday night. And of course, prom on Wednesday. I am not excited about it whatsoever. How sad.

Okay, my brother just got back home. It's past midnight. And he claims he heard si ditu mengilai at the carpark. Freaky. Now I can't sleep with my night light off tonight. This is why I always walk home from the interchange when I get back home late. If I take the bus, I have to pass by the carpark. Some people find it really strange that I'd rather walk. But I dont want to risk anything. One story too many already.

Just finished HBP for the second time 15 minutes ago. Can't help it. Dumbledore dying is just too sad. Although I am sure that Dumbledore has died (whatever Dumbledoreisnotdead.com might insist) and will not make a comeback like Gandalf. I am now also even more inclined to disbelieve Snape's treachery. I really don't think he's evil. There are a lot of grey things about him.

He apparently did not know about the Vanishing cabinets, since Draco did not tell him about that, so it possible he had no hand in the attack. He continuously blocked Harry's hexes and did not retaliate. He has the Unbreakable Vow which might have been the thing that compelled him to finish Draco's task. And there's the argument with Dumbledore that he had, that is as yet unexplained. All in all, there is still a very high possibilty that Snape was working on Dumbledore's orders and still is. Maybe Dumbledore knew he was going to die anyway or something and wanted Snape to kill him to prove Snape's loyalty to Voldemort.

And, how could Dumbledore have been so wrong? Such a wise man and such a grave mistake.

Speaking of Dumbledore, I think I know one person in real life who is like Dumbledore; who represented the same thing. Amir Fadl (a leader of a community of people in Egypt and a rich oil magnate). I remember when I met Amir in Egypt how terrified I was that he could read my mind, or something. I know it sounds stupid, but he seems the kind of person who can see right through anything and read beyond each of your actions. And you know how Dumbledore seems to be all-knowing, and seems to grasp the true essence of a person. And how everyone trusts his judgement. The same goes for Amir. How, for us, if we argue over something, we'll say: Ask Amir. Because he will surely know the answer. And if Amir welcomes someone, everyone does the same thing.

And after all that, after all his greatness and intellectual and societal status, he can seem shockingly ordinary, for lack of better word. Maybe his modesty makes him so. I remember when he walked past me to get to his car, and everyone was watching him go and trying to get a glimpse of him even or hold his hand, he had time to say to me, 'See you soon.' I was utterly taken aback. (And my family did get audience with him before we left for home.)

I think it is rare to find a true and natural leader. While Dumbledore, and also Lymond, is fictional, Amir Fadl is not. And I get to see first hand how a person can attract followers to himself by requiring no effort but being his own self. How his every word carries such weight and importance. How he exudes wisdom and authority. And how everyone just cannot help but respect and admire him, and eventually love him. It is leadership at its best. Understanding this, it makes me appreciate better the impact of Dumbledore's leave.