PEARLS really, really sucks. I hate it so much. I hate it! Maybe we don't deserve the 30 hours since it's so freaking hard to get it verified. There must be some reason why the world is so against my being able to verify it. ARGH.

I love the Qura'an.

This is not an attempt to preach or anything. It is not my place to. I am just saying that I love the Qura'an. It is the most wonderful text. Since it is from God. And one day, when I have the time, when I have fulfilled my wordly obligations, I shall sit down and study every single page and every single word. Forget about Hypnerotomachia or whatnot. This is the ultimate text to the revelation of the universe. I cannot even begin to describe its magnificence and the awe it inspires in me. It is scientifically accurate.

Did you know that the word 'month' is mentioned 12 times and the word 'day' is mentioned 365 times in the Qura'an? And this book was compiled 1400 years ago. And that's just one of many things.

... yet still from our signs they are turning away. ~ Chapter 21 Verse 32

I see my saying that I'll miss school has evoked a violent response.

It's true that I'll probably idealise the memory... I suppose, when I'm 49 or something, I'll look back and think how I enjoyed myself so much playing Sahabat 1 in Dwidarma and forget the whole other part of drama - the stress of meeting deadlines, and not being able to get people together and cikgu scolding us. Or how much I enjoyed breaks, forgetting that there were the torturous lessons. And recall the times celebrating end of exams but forget the stress of exams. But isn't it better then...? To be able to forget the unhappy things you went through and remember the good things? Then when you're 60, you won't keep thinking your life has majorly sucked. Besides... how can you have happy things happening if there aren't bad ones?

PEARLS are the bane of my existence. Am going down to Darul Ma'wa tomorrow to negotiate CIP hours.

And oh, I found out Leila Bafadhal lives in the UK! A Bafadhal in the UK! IS THIS A SIGN? For me? Haha, I just sent her another email, telling her about the Bafadhals in Singapore and asking her about hers. How interesting. Am quite excited at finding a possible connection with this person. Maybe from some far branch of our ancient family tree. If I were to want to make up my family tree, I'd have to travel quuuiiite a bit, but it'd be damn worthwhile. History is so intriguing.

If my parents were not so narrow-minded about the arts, I might have taken it and studied history. I am so fascinated by it. My arts combination would definitely have History and Literature and Theology. I impulsively picked up my brother's book, Rule of Four, which talks about an ancient text - the Hypnerotomachia. It is so cool. It's a huge puzzle, which broken would reveal unimaginable secrets of the past.

Had Bio S... Exhausted. I think my second essay has almost no chance of even getting a merit. Feel like banging head against wall. Gah. But at least I finished the paper. Wrote about the survival of the species and reproductive strategies (talked some about courting rituals of flies. haha.). And the other one was about the behaviour of chromosomes in meiosis which causes observed patterns of inheritance. I like genetics... not the DNA technology part with recombinant DNA and microinjection and ligase and terminal transferase and whatnot... but the mendelian genetics part. Crossing and Punnett squares are fun. It really is. It's one of those rare things that you study that are really, truly interesting and you can almost apply it immediately to real life.

Bought stuff for cikgu and ms lo. I wonder how many J2s will be in school tomorrow. Will be interesting. Speaking of which... today's morning assembly was funny. There was like... a total of perhaps 40 J2s at the parade square... and we all sort of clustered together. Joined 3B, and oh Clement Zheng was in school at that time, with no paper to sit for. Apparently he misses school so.

After years and years of vehement curses about school and how I hate it... I am going to miss it when I leave. Quite positive I will. This is why life is weird (among other reasons).

Got back home damn early today - 12.30. Ms Lo ended GP 40 minutes before end of lesson, and then I took taxi home with Jean. Then unfortunately realised that there's no food at home. @_@ Friday nights are family dinner nights.

GP on Monday and Bio S on Tuesay. Halp.

Someone named Leila Bafadhel has signed my guestbook! How exciting. I've never met someone not from my family, who has my last name. As far as we know, we're the only Bafadhals in Singapore.

-

Genius is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. ~ Thomas Edison (whose idol is Leonardo Da Vinci, who was in turn voted the Most Creative Genius of the Millenium)

Leonardo Da Vinci was friends with Niccolo Machiavelli. Have you noticed how geniuses tend to be friends with geniuses? Best help produces best? Great minds think alike? Hm.

This past weekend my parents had abandoned us kids at home and gone on a honeymoon for their 21st anniversary, and it was a nice win-win situation for both sides. My parents had a good time and we kids had a good time.

First of all, despite having free reign of 4 different television sets (2 with cable) and all-day internet connection, I studied. I actually woke up on saturday morning and got straight down to working. The house was quiet and I was not in the least bit distracted. Productivity declined as the day wore on but at least some things were accomplished.

On saturday night, Said and Hussein hanged around till 11pm. We ordered macs but it came 2 hours late, and the boys were ready to resort to violence. On sunday night, went out to eat at pizza hut (Kaktiyah's treat). No adults again, although technically Kaktiyah is 20 and adult... but hey, I don't see her as one. Haha. After our mini pizza fest, we went to buy vcds. Purchased 4 different movies at one shot: Calcium Kid, Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan and Forrest Gump. And got home at 10.30 on a school night.

The taste of freedom. Damn nice.

The 8 of us are growing up... and growing apart? So sad. Not necessarily, right? Sigh. Suppose some things will inevitably change, but I hope we can hold on to some things. And having dinner like last night is good.

I don't know if everyone has that group of people they grow up with. This is mine: 8 blood-related cousins (of many, but we're close). And because we're cousins, we get to do more things together than what 8 friends normally would. I have known them for as long as I can remember, travelled half the world with them, watched the boys outgrow all the girls, had fights, had embarassing scenes, stayed up till 2 am playing etc. Our games have morphed from playing doctor, house, 'restaurant', tremors, ghost to a phase of soccer which we girls hated to playstation to... almost nothing now. Kaktiyah's working midnight shifts 3 times a week these days, and Hefni's in NS. And next in line is me.

And I'm going to make it worse by wanting to study overseas more than almost anything else in the world.

I suppose I have to learn to let go of the past and move on. Good things lie ahead too.

Tony Buzan, for those who do not know, although I think you very well should, is the genius behind mind maps. Mind maps are his creation. He is also the one with the highest creative IQ in the world. I've recently rummaged around in my cupboard (whilst trying to clean up) and extracted a dusty book of his on 'How to Use Your Memory' which I know I've had for ages. And I started to read it, and have finally succeeded going further than Chapter 1.

And I am amazed. I have mastered the 'Peg System' memory technique - you give me a list of twenty things and I can commit it to memory after just one round of reading through it. There are many other methods of course but am trying to balance my reading and studying at the same time. Then I got really excited and bought Tony Buzan's Mind Map guide.

I have been majorly enlightened. The human mind is really quite amazing. The trick is imagination. Your memory catches on things you find funny, interesting, fantastic and imaginative. So, I suppose I have to tap on that.

'Imagination is more important than knowledge.' ~ Einstein

Just yesterday, my family went out for dinner and then when we were driving to the airport to meet Kak Naz, Abah started singing in the car. Then we all started singing with him. Then we started to reminisce and sing really, really old songs. As in songs from childhood; tunes I thought had been completely obliterated from memory. Old nasyids, mostly... It was funny how sis, bro and me would look at each other and start singing these really old tunes almost simultaneously.

It shows that memories don't fade. They're there in your brain. The skill is retrieving the information when you need it. That's what I'm trying to learn...

~

"It's as though I've found a string. Something reachable... at my fingertips. Something... touchable. Fantasies all the same... but the clarity of it all being possible."

Is it? Or am I just deluded.

Finally, I've decided. On 3 places. But still not quite done with all the 6 choices for ucas. Shall start writing my personal statement soon. Lucky have that draft for Ms Lo already...

Revision going ever so slowly. I wish I was one of those aliens in the show Roswell, you know? Need only 3 hours of sleep each day...

And oh darn, I should just seriously learn to keep my mouth shut and not be so blur and gullible.

Have started reading Tony Buzan's books and I tell you, I think the effects are amazing. I am on my way to improve my memory and eradicate my blurness! (I hope.)

Okay, I had a bad weekend, worse off than usual. I watched too much tv despite impending exams. So much for saying that all I need is to shut myself up in my room and study. My family is just a distracting lot. And sharing a room with a sister only encourages one to talk and joke constantly. And have been screaming a lot at brother too (because he kicks his adidas ball in my room and it barely misses my laptop screen), which relieves stress. I realise he's the only person I can scream to! Because he rarely takes offence and responses by laughing and being stubborn (which elicits more screams from me, but all in the name of stress relief). Can't scream at parents because if I do I deserve to go to hell, and I can't scream at sister because... then we fight. And I get really angry inside and hateful and I hate the feeling. And I realise he's the only person I can hit with all my might too (no fear of retaliation)! So good to have a little brother for a punching bag.

Watched Runaway Jury tonight and enjoyed it. The potential for a new obsession. But shall push that to the far corners of my mind till after As.

A Lymond post. Brotherly love is so sweet. ~melts~

There was a handkerchief rolled tightly in Lymond's lefthand, which he had used to stifle the coughing. With a brusque movement, his brother pulled it away and wordlessly flattened it between his brown, capable fingers. In streaks and patches, the linen was stiff with fresh blood. `Dear God, Francis,' said Richard Crawford, his voice suddenly stifled by the agony in his throat. '-Dear God, dear God, what do you want of me? Must I choose between my own child and you?' The silence stretched on. After the first momentof shock, Lymond's face was unreadable. But his voice when he spoke was deliberate and undramatic. 'I have promised to ride in the Mardi Gras procession two weeks from now. On the following day, I shall go home. Will that do?'

~ Queen's Play Page 212

When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.

I can't help it, see? I just have to liquid off those cancellations and pen marks... and have all my assignments neat and tidy.

An article about fandom: Spellbound. And here I thought I was the mad one. Here's bits of it:

I mention the death of a major character at the end of the Half-Blood Prince to another devotee. "For me it was like somebody really died," she says. "I cried. I really cried."

Accio! is sprinkled with obsessive compulsive disorder, like fairy eggs on a lawn. I meet a woman who announces that she listens to the Harry Potter audiotapes continuously. "When I finish one, I begin another. When I am walking, when I am eating, when I am cleaning the house, when I am sleeping, I listen to Harry." A sinister oneupmanship infests the rooms; who has the most exhaustive knowledge of the canon? "How many times did Harry get a zero in potions?" snaps one witch. "I ... I don't know," her friend stammers.

Well, I don't know either. Thank god. This is really testing the boundaries of sanity.

~

Went to Stadium Cove last night to watch the countdown fireworks. It was really, really beautiful. But I didn't have my camera! What a waste, I tell you. We all spent about 2 hours or so waiting for midnight, and it was certainly worth the wait. The whole display lasted about 15 minutes, and I almost anticipated some Gandalf-like dragon to swoop across the river. They really upped the standard - there were different kinds: squiggly thingies that looked like worms, umbrella-shaped ones that opened at different angles and missile-like ones. Fantastic.

Happy Birthday, Singapore.

Quite amusing day.

Went home after the US university briefing only to face a problem at the front door. The padlock was screwed up. My dad couldn't open it with his keys, and I couldn't open it with mine. So then we had to call the locksmith (their company number was strangely and conveniently placed next to our apartment) and we had to wait for like 40 minutes. My poor dad had already waited for me to come home for half an hour prior to that. So the afternoon was spent waiting.

The both of us settled ourselves at the top of the stairwell just round the corner from our apartment, and read. I tried to read bio but eventually got distracted by the newspaper. I went downstairs to the grocery store to get some drinks for us at one point. And dad got bored and read the NUS prospectus I brought home. And we talked about admission criteria and how it's fine if I go NUS anyway. I don't mind. I just still don't know whether I should do medicine or not. I can do psychological medicine as a postgraduate course. Perhaps.

Eventually the locksmith came and charged 40 bucks for simply sawing our padlock. Absolutely exorbitant. Can you imagine just sawing padlocks everyday, for 40 bucks each? You can earn quite decently that way.

~

I have to learn to let go and take risks... Am so afraid to take risks, that's why am so indecisive right? Wish I could be braver.

Photog shots. Trust colin to come up with unique angles. What a pro.

Stress. So much of it. Fridays used to be good days, but lately, it's been depressing, cause Mr Kadir will make us do physics prelim questions and I'll make mistakes everywhere and not know how to do. Progress reports are out too and it reminded me of how dismal my grades are. And overall morale crushing. Am so angry with self.

Then there's the whole testimonial business we have to settle. I hate selling myself. It makes everything so insincere. Apparently, that's how the world works - Well, I hate it. The world is confusing me again.

Blogspot should have smilies. Then I can just put faces instead of trying to describe my state of mind. Crying smiley would sum up today's post.

I like Natasha Bedingfield's song. I bruise easily.

Abah has bought me a new handphone! YAY. For once, I have a brand new one, and not a hand-me-down. Am retaining old number too.

Inclined towards UK unis. With University of Bath and University of Edinburgh at the top of the list.

230 out of 2000.
35 of 200.
60 of 1200. (Omg. I hope I calculated this wrongly. University of Bath psych course.)

And 70 000 of all humanity. WAH.

What is it with all this competition.